I've started a more traditional "side-blog" linked to this, the main page. It's where I plan to actually make my more common blog entries ("Oh, how terrible work was today, friends!"). SilverSurfer9090: The Life of Norrin Radd is for the folks who want to hear about me sitting in my underwear, eating pizza rolls (I guess nobody, then).
As for this page, I will continue to make the same lame-ass jokes about Rowan and continue to worship Armand. This is my promises to you, the loyal reader (I only have ONE reader).
Friday, December 31, 2004
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
A Look Back on a Turdtacular Year
We've only got two more days until we sing "Cha na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, good bye" to 2004 and usher in the new year: 2007. We skipped 2005 and 2006 cause they suck.
No, really, two more days until 2005. So, I thought it would be a good idea (especially since I got here first... kiss my ass, Norrin! AHAHAHAHAHA! I rule the wooooorld!) to make a list of some of the memorable moments that we've experienced over the last year. As the deadites used to say.... Join us!
Janet Jackson's Nipple Slip
Janet Jackson, sister of child-molesting pop sensation Whacko Jack-er, Michael Jackson, was in the Superbowl halftime show. During this show, Justin Timberlake (of N*SYNC fame) ripped off the protective covering to one of her lucious black boobies, exposing the nipple and it's fancy little ring thing.
This lead to several things... One being that 13 year olds across the nation went simultaneously blind the hours following (if you don't get that, then get the fuck out of this blog).
Another thing is lead to was the PTC (Parental Television Council, or something like that) making a big bitch-fest out of the situation. They bitched and bitched and bitched at NBC for "allowing this to happen." Whatever, PTC, whatever.
I don't really care here because nobody really watches the halftime show anyway. People watch the Superbowl for the commercials. Although SOME diehard fans or whatever MIGHT watch it a little bit for the stimulating football game, but mostly the commercials.
How many kids actually saw this, anyway? Football is a sport for people over 18 to watch anyway, because it's just slightly too complicated for smaller children. Yeah, I said it. Smaller kids don't like football because it's COMPLICATED. They'd rather be watching Smallville or The Simpsons or some other retardo TV shows. Football is designed specifically for males who, more likely than not, have seen more than their fair share of pooty tang and mammories. It's not that big of a deal, seriously, it's just a nipple. Guys have them too, why don't they bitch about seeing those? Oh my God. Society is fucking stupid.
~~~
Paris Hilton's Climb to Being Fam...Scratch That, Infamous
Paris Hilton: star of several movies and a TV show. Most of those movies happen to be extremely low production with no director/producer/writer/gaffer/best boy/*insert random film job here* to speak of, but had they been released in theaters, Spider-man 2 and Shrek 2 and Passion of the Christ would be eating DUST.
Basically, what I'm saying is that Paris Hilton is a ho. She's made a couple of dirty movies that've quickly taken the internet and 12 year old boys' computers by storm. That's right, she's a PORN ACTRESS. She became very, very famous as a result of these makeshift porn videos.
So, how do you kill the steam off of a chick that's famous for a porn video? Make her famous by giving her a primetime TV slot to show off just how spoiled and pathetic she really is!
Seriously, America, what the fuck are you thinking? You're supporting someone that's not even that good looking just because of a dirty movie? Fuck, I own movies a lot nastier than that on DVD. Go get some lives, you little shits.
~~~
Michael Moore's Bitching
We saw a whole new side of that big fat asshole this year. Now, I was already pissed off at him because of Bowling for Columbine. While I did find it to be slightly informative and had some genuinely entertaining parts, it just pissed me off and I thought he crossed the line when he kept bugging Charleton Heston. Bitch about freedom of speech all you want, but he was an asshole for that part.
And then comes Farhenheit 9/11, which really just pissed me off. I never even saw it, but knew that it was a load of shit from the beginning. And it is. While I hear that it does raise a lot of questions that should be considered, I believe that a DOCUMENTARY should serve the purpose of revealing ALL SIDES of the equation. To me, Fahrenheit 9/11 is nothing but more propoganda to add on top of propoganda to try and blind us into seeing another truth. I'm sorry, but I don't believe that one lie can solve another one.
While he may be trying to expose the lies that we're told, a half truth still isn't the truth on any situation. And fuck Michael Moore for making such a blatantly biased attack. Michael Moore is one of the sole reasons that I was glad Bush won the election... just so we could flip Michael Moore off and tell him about how he failed.
Michael Moore proved an age-old adage: If you piss on someone long enough, eventually someone's going to stick up for him. And that's exactly what Michael Moore did... he pissed on President Bush to the point where even some of his own Democrats gave a middle finger and supported Bush. End of story.
~~~
BUSH versus KERRY
Personally, I voted for Bush. Now, I like Kerry's plans better (except the one for health care, but neither had a particularly good plan for that that would actually happen), but I refuse to get behind someone I don't respect.
I don't respect Kerry because he willingly signed up to be in the army, then bitched about it. That's right. He joined the army, where he was trained to FIGHT and DEFEND, on his own accord. Then after Vietnam, he comes back home and bitches about the war. I can't respect this. Being somewhat of an Army brat myself... I believe that if you willingly sign up to fight for America, because that's what the Army is, the fighting organization of America... then you don't have the right to complain about stuff that you were "forced" to do. Don't come crying home to momma because the Army actually made you do what you were trained for! It's stupid, mother fucker! I think it's a big slap in the face to everyone who has ever been in the military to come home and bitch about having to fight when that's all the military is.
The leader's agenda isn't the point at any rate when you're in the military. It doesn't matter why you're fighting. All that matters is that you're fighting, because that's what you wanted to do. Anyone who joins the Army not expecting to go into a war, regardless of the cause, is just a moron and shouldn't be in the military in the first place.
If you don't like that point of view, kiss my rotting butt! I'm Leroy "Mother F'ing" Zombie. I have this right.
~~~
The End of the World?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
No, not the end of the world. Just a whole lotta crap that's gone down. Florida's gotten hit by like, 74 hurricanes... there's that tsunami that's killed around 1000 people... a flu vaccine shortage... SARS... West Nile (although that was kinda last year)... you just have all kindsa bad shit going down. What can we do? Sit back and pray? Wait for Jesus to come back?
Eh, screw that. Go party, get drunk, and screw a virgin or seven. It'll be good for you, builds character. So we had a bad year... it's not the end of the world. The new year is only 2 days a way, so lets just go into it, take a big whiff, and realize that you're living in the 12th most polluted city in the country. That sucks, doesn't it?
Well, go take a big breath out of your oxygen tank, and look for a brighter day! Cause new year's in this weekend, and I'm gonna get so plastered!
Cheers, mates!
-LZ
No, really, two more days until 2005. So, I thought it would be a good idea (especially since I got here first... kiss my ass, Norrin! AHAHAHAHAHA! I rule the wooooorld!) to make a list of some of the memorable moments that we've experienced over the last year. As the deadites used to say.... Join us!
Janet Jackson's Nipple Slip
Janet Jackson, sister of child-molesting pop sensation Whacko Jack-er, Michael Jackson, was in the Superbowl halftime show. During this show, Justin Timberlake (of N*SYNC fame) ripped off the protective covering to one of her lucious black boobies, exposing the nipple and it's fancy little ring thing.
This lead to several things... One being that 13 year olds across the nation went simultaneously blind the hours following (if you don't get that, then get the fuck out of this blog).
Another thing is lead to was the PTC (Parental Television Council, or something like that) making a big bitch-fest out of the situation. They bitched and bitched and bitched at NBC for "allowing this to happen." Whatever, PTC, whatever.
I don't really care here because nobody really watches the halftime show anyway. People watch the Superbowl for the commercials. Although SOME diehard fans or whatever MIGHT watch it a little bit for the stimulating football game, but mostly the commercials.
How many kids actually saw this, anyway? Football is a sport for people over 18 to watch anyway, because it's just slightly too complicated for smaller children. Yeah, I said it. Smaller kids don't like football because it's COMPLICATED. They'd rather be watching Smallville or The Simpsons or some other retardo TV shows. Football is designed specifically for males who, more likely than not, have seen more than their fair share of pooty tang and mammories. It's not that big of a deal, seriously, it's just a nipple. Guys have them too, why don't they bitch about seeing those? Oh my God. Society is fucking stupid.
~~~
Paris Hilton's Climb to Being Fam...Scratch That, Infamous
Paris Hilton: star of several movies and a TV show. Most of those movies happen to be extremely low production with no director/producer/writer/gaffer/best boy/*insert random film job here* to speak of, but had they been released in theaters, Spider-man 2 and Shrek 2 and Passion of the Christ would be eating DUST.
Basically, what I'm saying is that Paris Hilton is a ho. She's made a couple of dirty movies that've quickly taken the internet and 12 year old boys' computers by storm. That's right, she's a PORN ACTRESS. She became very, very famous as a result of these makeshift porn videos.
So, how do you kill the steam off of a chick that's famous for a porn video? Make her famous by giving her a primetime TV slot to show off just how spoiled and pathetic she really is!
Seriously, America, what the fuck are you thinking? You're supporting someone that's not even that good looking just because of a dirty movie? Fuck, I own movies a lot nastier than that on DVD. Go get some lives, you little shits.
~~~
Michael Moore's Bitching
We saw a whole new side of that big fat asshole this year. Now, I was already pissed off at him because of Bowling for Columbine. While I did find it to be slightly informative and had some genuinely entertaining parts, it just pissed me off and I thought he crossed the line when he kept bugging Charleton Heston. Bitch about freedom of speech all you want, but he was an asshole for that part.
And then comes Farhenheit 9/11, which really just pissed me off. I never even saw it, but knew that it was a load of shit from the beginning. And it is. While I hear that it does raise a lot of questions that should be considered, I believe that a DOCUMENTARY should serve the purpose of revealing ALL SIDES of the equation. To me, Fahrenheit 9/11 is nothing but more propoganda to add on top of propoganda to try and blind us into seeing another truth. I'm sorry, but I don't believe that one lie can solve another one.
While he may be trying to expose the lies that we're told, a half truth still isn't the truth on any situation. And fuck Michael Moore for making such a blatantly biased attack. Michael Moore is one of the sole reasons that I was glad Bush won the election... just so we could flip Michael Moore off and tell him about how he failed.
Michael Moore proved an age-old adage: If you piss on someone long enough, eventually someone's going to stick up for him. And that's exactly what Michael Moore did... he pissed on President Bush to the point where even some of his own Democrats gave a middle finger and supported Bush. End of story.
~~~
BUSH versus KERRY
Personally, I voted for Bush. Now, I like Kerry's plans better (except the one for health care, but neither had a particularly good plan for that that would actually happen), but I refuse to get behind someone I don't respect.
I don't respect Kerry because he willingly signed up to be in the army, then bitched about it. That's right. He joined the army, where he was trained to FIGHT and DEFEND, on his own accord. Then after Vietnam, he comes back home and bitches about the war. I can't respect this. Being somewhat of an Army brat myself... I believe that if you willingly sign up to fight for America, because that's what the Army is, the fighting organization of America... then you don't have the right to complain about stuff that you were "forced" to do. Don't come crying home to momma because the Army actually made you do what you were trained for! It's stupid, mother fucker! I think it's a big slap in the face to everyone who has ever been in the military to come home and bitch about having to fight when that's all the military is.
The leader's agenda isn't the point at any rate when you're in the military. It doesn't matter why you're fighting. All that matters is that you're fighting, because that's what you wanted to do. Anyone who joins the Army not expecting to go into a war, regardless of the cause, is just a moron and shouldn't be in the military in the first place.
If you don't like that point of view, kiss my rotting butt! I'm Leroy "Mother F'ing" Zombie. I have this right.
~~~
The End of the World?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
No, not the end of the world. Just a whole lotta crap that's gone down. Florida's gotten hit by like, 74 hurricanes... there's that tsunami that's killed around 1000 people... a flu vaccine shortage... SARS... West Nile (although that was kinda last year)... you just have all kindsa bad shit going down. What can we do? Sit back and pray? Wait for Jesus to come back?
Eh, screw that. Go party, get drunk, and screw a virgin or seven. It'll be good for you, builds character. So we had a bad year... it's not the end of the world. The new year is only 2 days a way, so lets just go into it, take a big whiff, and realize that you're living in the 12th most polluted city in the country. That sucks, doesn't it?
Well, go take a big breath out of your oxygen tank, and look for a brighter day! Cause new year's in this weekend, and I'm gonna get so plastered!
Cheers, mates!
-LZ
Monday, December 27, 2004
Smokin' the yule log
I was hangin' at my mother-in-law's house, doing laundry and playing around with my new toy (a new digital camera). When I caught a timeless holiday family moment on camera.
My nephew-in-law, his girlfriend, and his mother (my sister-in-law) sitting on the porch smokin' a spleef. What would the holidays be without these heart warming moments together? Christmas dinner, opening presents, holiday church service, singing Christmas carols, and lightin' up a fatty with your folks.
I know those are memories I cherish with my relatives, how about you?
My nephew-in-law, his girlfriend, and his mother (my sister-in-law) sitting on the porch smokin' a spleef. What would the holidays be without these heart warming moments together? Christmas dinner, opening presents, holiday church service, singing Christmas carols, and lightin' up a fatty with your folks.
I know those are memories I cherish with my relatives, how about you?
It's a wonderful life!
Sorry, if I haven't updated my blog lately, but I received many excellent gifts this year, such as:
1. Rocky anthology DVD box set (I already have the original box set, but this one has new digital transfers and stereo sound on all 5 films)
2. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for the PS2
3. Ric Flair- To Be The Man, the autobiography of 16-time world heavyweight wrestling champion "Nature Boy" Ric Flair
4. Rambo ultimate edition DVD box set (I also have the original box set of this, but it lacks the alternate ending/deleted scenes and Stallone commentary track)
5. Canon Power Shot A75 digital camera
6. Complete Idiot's Guide to creating a webpage and blog- sixth edition
7. Marx Brothers silver screen collection DVD box set
8. Coming To America DVD
9. The Rise and Fall of ECW 2-Disc DVD set, about the ultra-violent Extreme Championship Wrestling promotion that used to operate out of a Bingo hall in Philadelphia
10. Tray Table set of 4
11. No Holds Barred VHS*
12. Hulk Hogan's Rock n Wrestling VHS*
13. How To Draw Silver Surfer book*
So, forgive me for being away for a while, but I have many toys I need to play with. Thank You.
(* Thanks Kirk!)
1. Rocky anthology DVD box set (I already have the original box set, but this one has new digital transfers and stereo sound on all 5 films)
2. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for the PS2
3. Ric Flair- To Be The Man, the autobiography of 16-time world heavyweight wrestling champion "Nature Boy" Ric Flair
4. Rambo ultimate edition DVD box set (I also have the original box set of this, but it lacks the alternate ending/deleted scenes and Stallone commentary track)
5. Canon Power Shot A75 digital camera
6. Complete Idiot's Guide to creating a webpage and blog- sixth edition
7. Marx Brothers silver screen collection DVD box set
8. Coming To America DVD
9. The Rise and Fall of ECW 2-Disc DVD set, about the ultra-violent Extreme Championship Wrestling promotion that used to operate out of a Bingo hall in Philadelphia
10. Tray Table set of 4
11. No Holds Barred VHS*
12. Hulk Hogan's Rock n Wrestling VHS*
13. How To Draw Silver Surfer book*
So, forgive me for being away for a while, but I have many toys I need to play with. Thank You.
(* Thanks Kirk!)
Friday, December 24, 2004
A very PETA Christmas?!
I was sitting at my computer smelling the wondeful smell of turkey cooking in the oven, when I began to think. What are all the sissy-ass ethiopian-looking vegans doing for the holidays? So, I went to PETA's website and hit their link for having a "Vegan Christmas". Not just having one, but how to talk your normal family members over to the darkside. It's a little hypocritical to beg for understanding about your ridiculous diet decisions, and then decide that your friends and family should have to eat your faggy-ass tofu! (or however you spell that shit)
Below is the propaganda letter from the Anorexic-wing of the Nazi party.
******
If you’re a vegan or vegetarian, you know how a Christmas or New Year’s dinner with nonvegetarian family members can put a bit of a damper on your spirits. But what if getting a menu change were as easy as writing a letter?
Several people recently shared with PETA how they convinced (quite easily, to their enormous surprise!) their families to join them in starting a new tradition—holiday meals without suffering. With sincere, gracious letters and e-mail messages, they simply explained why celebrating meat-free means so much to them. Read them and see!
If you’re not sure how to put your feelings into words, please feel free to incorporate elements of these persuasive letters into your own. Offer to cook dishes. Share recipes and cooking tips, too, to show how easy and scrumptious vegan holiday feasts can be. You can also order “Meet Your Meat” from us to show your family during this holiday what really goes on behind the walls.
Celebrations without suffering make family gatherings all the more meaningful—and can save both animal and human lives. Write or e-mail your family today with an honest and heartfelt message. You may be surprised at how things turn out!
If they do agree, let us know and we may just post it here or publish it in Animal Times.
*****
Below is the propaganda letter from the Anorexic-wing of the Nazi party.
******
If you’re a vegan or vegetarian, you know how a Christmas or New Year’s dinner with nonvegetarian family members can put a bit of a damper on your spirits. But what if getting a menu change were as easy as writing a letter?
Several people recently shared with PETA how they convinced (quite easily, to their enormous surprise!) their families to join them in starting a new tradition—holiday meals without suffering. With sincere, gracious letters and e-mail messages, they simply explained why celebrating meat-free means so much to them. Read them and see!
If you’re not sure how to put your feelings into words, please feel free to incorporate elements of these persuasive letters into your own. Offer to cook dishes. Share recipes and cooking tips, too, to show how easy and scrumptious vegan holiday feasts can be. You can also order “Meet Your Meat” from us to show your family during this holiday what really goes on behind the walls.
Celebrations without suffering make family gatherings all the more meaningful—and can save both animal and human lives. Write or e-mail your family today with an honest and heartfelt message. You may be surprised at how things turn out!
If they do agree, let us know and we may just post it here or publish it in Animal Times.
*****
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
After tonight, Santa can finally relax and have a beer. Thanks for the choo-choo train, Santa!
Monday, December 20, 2004
Masterpeice Theatre: Hard Target
I'm a sucker for a cheap DVD because I'm a World Heavyweight Champion couch potatoe. I'm in Circuit City the other night, and I see Hard Target sitting in the Action section. I've been meaning to build-up my Van Damme collection, which is sadly lacking right now. So, when I see that the movie's only $7.99, it quickly leaves the shelf and comes home with me.
I hadn't seen this one since I was about 13 (ten years ago), to be honest I couldn't remember much about it, except that it was Hong Kong action director John Woo's American debut. After watching it, I thought to myself, "They don't make action movies like that anymore,"
The movie didn't suffer too much from age, and the action, particularly the martial arts, were some of Van Damme's best. When I say they don't make action movies like that anymore, I'm talking about the editing style, and presentation. Van Damme is introduced peice-by-peice, like Mel Gibson in Mad Max. Slow motion is used more times than I can count, and the musical score was full of those Jazz/Rock Guitar riffs last heard in Bad Boys I/II.
I was also reminded of the fact that this was the movie Nicholas Cage stole his look from for Con Air (which doesn't compare well to this film). Jean-Claude rocks the mullet in this movie also. Something he doesn't do in any other movie. And Lance Henricksen does a great job of playing an over-the-top early 90s action film villain. I was pleasantly surprised to see Arnold Vosloo(The Mummy, Mummy Returns) in there also as the evil henchman, and Wilford Brimley(The Quaker Oats guy) as Uncle Duvee.
I give Hard Target a 4/5 for an action film from a by-gone era of F-bombs and ultra-violence.
I hadn't seen this one since I was about 13 (ten years ago), to be honest I couldn't remember much about it, except that it was Hong Kong action director John Woo's American debut. After watching it, I thought to myself, "They don't make action movies like that anymore,"
The movie didn't suffer too much from age, and the action, particularly the martial arts, were some of Van Damme's best. When I say they don't make action movies like that anymore, I'm talking about the editing style, and presentation. Van Damme is introduced peice-by-peice, like Mel Gibson in Mad Max. Slow motion is used more times than I can count, and the musical score was full of those Jazz/Rock Guitar riffs last heard in Bad Boys I/II.
I was also reminded of the fact that this was the movie Nicholas Cage stole his look from for Con Air (which doesn't compare well to this film). Jean-Claude rocks the mullet in this movie also. Something he doesn't do in any other movie. And Lance Henricksen does a great job of playing an over-the-top early 90s action film villain. I was pleasantly surprised to see Arnold Vosloo(The Mummy, Mummy Returns) in there also as the evil henchman, and Wilford Brimley(The Quaker Oats guy) as Uncle Duvee.
I give Hard Target a 4/5 for an action film from a by-gone era of F-bombs and ultra-violence.
Daydreamer
I like to daydream. In the worst way. The useless, empty, vacuous way. I wonder about what ever happened to Bonkers candy, or how many times has Fred Savage contemplated suicide? Totally worthless thoughts. Here are few more right off the top of my head.
I wonder what Emilio Estevez, Christian Slater, and Lou Diamond Phillips are doing with all the spare time they have right now?
I wonder who invented the spoon? And did he ever wish he got a patent?
I wonder, if Kenny Rogers is the white Lionel Ritchie, who is the black Kenny Rogers? Is it Lionel? I'm not sure.
I wonder why the people at Coinstar stole my idea?!
I wonder if Ben Franklin ever used the F word?
I wonder who named the continents?
I wonder how many gay black jewish canadian midgets with a handicap exists?
I wonder if Michael Collins is still pissed that he flew all the way to the moon, but didn't ge to walk on it like Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong?
I wonder, if spirits exist, does my grandpa ever watch me take a piss?
I wonder if David Lee Roth cries himself to sleep? (Love ya' Diamond Dave)
I wonder where all my sunglasses went to?
I wonder if Mother Theresa made a lot of noise during sex?
I wonder why the church condemns gambling, but has BINGO every weekend?
I wonder about a lot of useless things. But, it's always fun to daydream!
I wonder what Emilio Estevez, Christian Slater, and Lou Diamond Phillips are doing with all the spare time they have right now?
I wonder who invented the spoon? And did he ever wish he got a patent?
I wonder, if Kenny Rogers is the white Lionel Ritchie, who is the black Kenny Rogers? Is it Lionel? I'm not sure.
I wonder why the people at Coinstar stole my idea?!
I wonder if Ben Franklin ever used the F word?
I wonder who named the continents?
I wonder how many gay black jewish canadian midgets with a handicap exists?
I wonder if Michael Collins is still pissed that he flew all the way to the moon, but didn't ge to walk on it like Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong?
I wonder, if spirits exist, does my grandpa ever watch me take a piss?
I wonder if David Lee Roth cries himself to sleep? (Love ya' Diamond Dave)
I wonder where all my sunglasses went to?
I wonder if Mother Theresa made a lot of noise during sex?
I wonder why the church condemns gambling, but has BINGO every weekend?
I wonder about a lot of useless things. But, it's always fun to daydream!
Friday, December 17, 2004
All I want for Christmas is...
With Christmas around the corner, I was sitting on my couch daydreaming about which celebrities could die over the holiday season and not effect me emotionally in any way. Kind of a dark thought, but a thought none the less. I think we all have these fleeting moments of ponder, it's when we actually say them out loud to each other that we get ourselves in trouble.
To be honest, I like most celebrities with only a few exceptions. Of course, being the world-class couch potato that I am, my list might seem a little long to the average observer of fame. I would be happy to see some of these people go, but there are others I would miss, so I decided to show that I'm not completely heartless by also listing the ones I appreciate. Please keep in mind, these are merely MY opinions. If someone you like is on the "hit list", well maybe you should make your own list.
First, I'll dispense with the nice-ities, and give out my props.
1. Sylvester Stallone- I commend Sly for making the senseless, testerone-soaked action movies of the 80s (you know, those "homo-erotic, but in the good way" action movies Hollywood doesn't have the balls to attempt anymore).
2. Meryl Streep- She's Meryl Streep, I shouldn't have to explain. She's one of the last great American actors.
3. Al Pacino- He's Tony Montana! Fuck Escar Gomez and fuck the fuckin' Diaz Brothers!
4. Brad Pitt- I don't know, he just seems to be in movies I like. He seems like an alright guy, for a "pretty boy".
Now, enough of the painful act of compliments. The real list. People who can die tomorrow.
1. Andy Rooney- What's he made out of anyway, he should be dead already. He must live off the disdain he causes in others with his worthless thoughts and opinions on 60 minutes. Slip in the shower, and die, Andy!
2. Joan Rivers- She's made out of durable lexan plastic. And pure unadulterated bitch! She wears clothes Bjork wouldn't wipe her ass with and then insults people on the red carpet. Plus, she's the unfunniest female comedian of all time. I can't wait for her to die, so I can watch her decompose and see the terminator skull under her over-stretched face.
3. Puff Daddy- He should be murder just for fucking with Led Zeppelin's Kashmir. His remaining body of work is also worthy of the death penalty. His stupid-ass Vote Or Die campaign calling my house over and over before the election didn't help my decision either. Some day when alien races decide to make contact with us, they'll see Puff Daddy's image dancing around to a badly remixed Police song, and determine that we're just not ready for their enlightenment, hop back in their spaceship, and laugh their asses off on the ride home.
4. Julia Roberts- She serves what purpose?! She has what talent?! Julia Roberts makes Eric Roberts look like Lawrence Olivier. I won't waste anymore time on this one.
5. Ellen Degeneres- I'm sorry, but comedians who aren't funny but somehow extremely successful is one of the greatest crimes to me. I don't think I could laugh at Ellen Degeneres unless I was tripping on acid and she was being raped by a silverback gorilla. Same goes for Rosie O'Donnell, but if I start on her, I'll have to write a separate post.
6. Ben Affleck- Gigli, Paycheck, Bounce, Shakespeare in Love, Reindeer Games. 'Nuff said.
7. Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie- They don't even add up to enough to be separated for this list. I would put their heads back-to-back, so I could do the job with one bullet.
8. The little kid in the Old Navy/holiday commercials- I just despise his head for some reason! I think it's his voice. If I know nothing else, I know that boy is the spawn of Satan. Why else would he want me to wear those "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" inspired fleeces?!
9. Bill O'Reilly- the no spin zone?! Go try to use your vibrator on another one of your producers! You fuckin' nuggethead.
10. Michael Jackson- I have a feeling Mike will hang himself with his own sparkle-encrusted underwear in his holding cell, when he's found guilty soon. So, I think this one is just around the corner.
There! I feel better. Now all I have to do is e-mail this list to Santa before Christmas. I think he owes me one or two of these people since taking Rodney Dangerfeild, Rick James, and O.D.B. this year. Well, Santa didn't take them, Jesus did. But they ARE cousins (they went to the same high school, too), so I'm sure he'll send the message along.
To be honest, I like most celebrities with only a few exceptions. Of course, being the world-class couch potato that I am, my list might seem a little long to the average observer of fame. I would be happy to see some of these people go, but there are others I would miss, so I decided to show that I'm not completely heartless by also listing the ones I appreciate. Please keep in mind, these are merely MY opinions. If someone you like is on the "hit list", well maybe you should make your own list.
First, I'll dispense with the nice-ities, and give out my props.
1. Sylvester Stallone- I commend Sly for making the senseless, testerone-soaked action movies of the 80s (you know, those "homo-erotic, but in the good way" action movies Hollywood doesn't have the balls to attempt anymore).
2. Meryl Streep- She's Meryl Streep, I shouldn't have to explain. She's one of the last great American actors.
3. Al Pacino- He's Tony Montana! Fuck Escar Gomez and fuck the fuckin' Diaz Brothers!
4. Brad Pitt- I don't know, he just seems to be in movies I like. He seems like an alright guy, for a "pretty boy".
Now, enough of the painful act of compliments. The real list. People who can die tomorrow.
1. Andy Rooney- What's he made out of anyway, he should be dead already. He must live off the disdain he causes in others with his worthless thoughts and opinions on 60 minutes. Slip in the shower, and die, Andy!
2. Joan Rivers- She's made out of durable lexan plastic. And pure unadulterated bitch! She wears clothes Bjork wouldn't wipe her ass with and then insults people on the red carpet. Plus, she's the unfunniest female comedian of all time. I can't wait for her to die, so I can watch her decompose and see the terminator skull under her over-stretched face.
3. Puff Daddy- He should be murder just for fucking with Led Zeppelin's Kashmir. His remaining body of work is also worthy of the death penalty. His stupid-ass Vote Or Die campaign calling my house over and over before the election didn't help my decision either. Some day when alien races decide to make contact with us, they'll see Puff Daddy's image dancing around to a badly remixed Police song, and determine that we're just not ready for their enlightenment, hop back in their spaceship, and laugh their asses off on the ride home.
4. Julia Roberts- She serves what purpose?! She has what talent?! Julia Roberts makes Eric Roberts look like Lawrence Olivier. I won't waste anymore time on this one.
5. Ellen Degeneres- I'm sorry, but comedians who aren't funny but somehow extremely successful is one of the greatest crimes to me. I don't think I could laugh at Ellen Degeneres unless I was tripping on acid and she was being raped by a silverback gorilla. Same goes for Rosie O'Donnell, but if I start on her, I'll have to write a separate post.
6. Ben Affleck- Gigli, Paycheck, Bounce, Shakespeare in Love, Reindeer Games. 'Nuff said.
7. Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie- They don't even add up to enough to be separated for this list. I would put their heads back-to-back, so I could do the job with one bullet.
8. The little kid in the Old Navy/holiday commercials- I just despise his head for some reason! I think it's his voice. If I know nothing else, I know that boy is the spawn of Satan. Why else would he want me to wear those "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" inspired fleeces?!
9. Bill O'Reilly- the no spin zone?! Go try to use your vibrator on another one of your producers! You fuckin' nuggethead.
10. Michael Jackson- I have a feeling Mike will hang himself with his own sparkle-encrusted underwear in his holding cell, when he's found guilty soon. So, I think this one is just around the corner.
There! I feel better. Now all I have to do is e-mail this list to Santa before Christmas. I think he owes me one or two of these people since taking Rodney Dangerfeild, Rick James, and O.D.B. this year. Well, Santa didn't take them, Jesus did. But they ARE cousins (they went to the same high school, too), so I'm sure he'll send the message along.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Should Americans in Pain be Allowed to use Marijuana?
O'REILLY: All right, you smoke marijuana. How much? I mean how much do you use the drug?
ANGEL RAICH, MEDICAL CANNABIS PATIENT: I use it every two hours. I use approximately three ounces a week and between eight and nine pounds of cannabis every year.
O'REILLY: OK, so you -- that's a lot of pot that you're smoking. Now does it -- what does it do that say prescription medicine couldn't do?
Like Bill doesn't know what happens when you smoke a fatty. I love it!
Should people be allowed to blaze when they have all kinds of pain? It seems to me, as long they're not on the street, driving a car, or whatever, they should be able to use some mary jane for their pain. That's just my opinion. What do you think? You don't care? I didn't think that you did.
Things I Want For Christmas
Don't worry, it's a short list. And I expect one gift from everyone who ever reads this. Or else I'll cry.
Movie DVDS
Adaptation.
American History X
An Insomniac's Nightmare
April Fool's Day
Arsenic and Old Lace
Badder Santa
Bad Taste
Big Fish
Black Christmas
Blade
Blade II
Blade Runner: Director's Cut
Brainscan
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Bubba Ho-Tep
Cabin Fever
Cannibal! The Musical
Chasing Amy
C.H.U.D.
Clerks X
Clue
Collateral
Critters
Cube
Cube II
Dawn of the Dead: Ultimate Edition
Dead Alive (Unrated)
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Dogma
Dog Soldiers
Dr. Strangelove
Edward Scissorhands
The Ed Wood Box
Ed Wood: Special Edition
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The Evil Dead: Book of the Dead Edition
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Final Destination
Final Destination II
Four Rooms
Garden State
Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters II
Glory
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Groundhog Day
Hellboy
High Fidelity
The Hills Have Eyes
The Hitcher
Jackass - The Movie
Love Object
Mallrats
Man on Fire
May
Meet the Feebles
Midnight Run
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Monty Python's Flying Circus
Monty Python's The Life of Brian
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Office Space
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Platoon
Saved!
Session 9
Se7en: Special Edition
Shaun of the Dead
The Shawshank Redemption
Shrek 2
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Silent Night, Deadly Night II
Slackers
Sleepaway Camp Surival Kit
Starman
Stuck On You
Suspiria (3 disc special edition)
Taxi Driver
They Live!
Top Secret!
The Toxic Avenger
The Toxic Avenger II
The Toxic Avenger III
The Toxic Avenger IV
Tromeo and Juliet
The Truman Show
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Wrong Turn
That should about do it for movies. If you want to donate one to me, or perhaps just an amazon.com gift certificate, e-mail me at leroyzombiething@yahoo.com.
I would list the DVDs of TV shows, wrestling, video games, and books that I want, but I have a feeling Norrin will take this down.
Come on, people! We work hard to entertain you! Show a little gratitude! Armand is gay, Rowan is a racist pig! See, I can be entertaining! GIVE ME STUFF!
Hold on, I'm going to go cry like a small school girl deprived of candy now.
-LZ
Movie DVDS
Adaptation.
American History X
An Insomniac's Nightmare
April Fool's Day
Arsenic and Old Lace
Badder Santa
Bad Taste
Big Fish
Black Christmas
Blade
Blade II
Blade Runner: Director's Cut
Brainscan
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Bubba Ho-Tep
Cabin Fever
Cannibal! The Musical
Chasing Amy
C.H.U.D.
Clerks X
Clue
Collateral
Critters
Cube
Cube II
Dawn of the Dead: Ultimate Edition
Dead Alive (Unrated)
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Dogma
Dog Soldiers
Dr. Strangelove
Edward Scissorhands
The Ed Wood Box
Ed Wood: Special Edition
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The Evil Dead: Book of the Dead Edition
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Final Destination
Final Destination II
Four Rooms
Garden State
Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters II
Glory
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Groundhog Day
Hellboy
High Fidelity
The Hills Have Eyes
The Hitcher
Jackass - The Movie
Love Object
Mallrats
Man on Fire
May
Meet the Feebles
Midnight Run
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Monty Python's Flying Circus
Monty Python's The Life of Brian
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
Office Space
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Platoon
Saved!
Session 9
Se7en: Special Edition
Shaun of the Dead
The Shawshank Redemption
Shrek 2
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Silent Night, Deadly Night II
Slackers
Sleepaway Camp Surival Kit
Starman
Stuck On You
Suspiria (3 disc special edition)
Taxi Driver
They Live!
Top Secret!
The Toxic Avenger
The Toxic Avenger II
The Toxic Avenger III
The Toxic Avenger IV
Tromeo and Juliet
The Truman Show
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Wrong Turn
That should about do it for movies. If you want to donate one to me, or perhaps just an amazon.com gift certificate, e-mail me at leroyzombiething@yahoo.com.
I would list the DVDs of TV shows, wrestling, video games, and books that I want, but I have a feeling Norrin will take this down.
Come on, people! We work hard to entertain you! Show a little gratitude! Armand is gay, Rowan is a racist pig! See, I can be entertaining! GIVE ME STUFF!
Hold on, I'm going to go cry like a small school girl deprived of candy now.
-LZ
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Foods That Are Your God: Peanut Butter
That's right. Peanut butter is your GOD.
Why? Because it's fucking PEANUT BUTTER! Seriously, is there any food so versatile?
There's never NOT a good time for peanut butter! You can put it on crackers! You can put it on sandwiches! You can put it on waffles! You can put it on your boyfriend's penis!
It goes great with ANYTHING!
Plus, it comes in different kinds! You have creamy and crunchy peanut butter! Holy SHIT, peanut butter is what American is truly about: freedom of choice!
You get to choose whether or not you want peanut butter that's smooth and creamy... or hard and crunchy! It all depends on your mood!
Bow to peanut butter, asshole, for it saves your life everyday!
Seriously, what would street bums, couch potatoes, and college drop-ins do without their 6-pound tubs of peanut butter?
One thing, though. If you don't eat Peter Pan Peanut Butter, then you're obviously worshipping satan. JIF is NOT the most recommended brand... trust me on this. Those commercials are just demons trying to possess you with their god awful butter of peanut. Peter Pan will save you.
All hail peanut butter!
-LZ
P.S. - This was so pointless. I'm going to kill myself now.
Why? Because it's fucking PEANUT BUTTER! Seriously, is there any food so versatile?
There's never NOT a good time for peanut butter! You can put it on crackers! You can put it on sandwiches! You can put it on waffles! You can put it on your boyfriend's penis!
It goes great with ANYTHING!
Plus, it comes in different kinds! You have creamy and crunchy peanut butter! Holy SHIT, peanut butter is what American is truly about: freedom of choice!
You get to choose whether or not you want peanut butter that's smooth and creamy... or hard and crunchy! It all depends on your mood!
Bow to peanut butter, asshole, for it saves your life everyday!
Seriously, what would street bums, couch potatoes, and college drop-ins do without their 6-pound tubs of peanut butter?
One thing, though. If you don't eat Peter Pan Peanut Butter, then you're obviously worshipping satan. JIF is NOT the most recommended brand... trust me on this. Those commercials are just demons trying to possess you with their god awful butter of peanut. Peter Pan will save you.
All hail peanut butter!
-LZ
P.S. - This was so pointless. I'm going to kill myself now.
RowanX24 does it again
This is a conversation ol' Melonhead initiated with me, over the fact that he struggles with his sexuality. Just kidding, but if you read below you'll understand why he is despised by all mankind.
RowanX24 [7:19 PM]: nice blog, im impressed
SilverSurfer9090 [7:19 PM]: thanx!
RowanX24 [7:20 PM]: actually im not, the color scheme is all wrong, and it looks quite pathetice, but hey, cant ask for much from a spic right?
SilverSurfer9090 [7:20 PM]: i guess not... i guess not :-)
RowanX24 [7:21 PM]: well you and your little INS violating friends have fun with your blog, ciao
SilverSurfer9090 [7:22 PM]: you're a genius of immigration law. Puerto Rico is a U.S. island, tyrone. You don't even need a passport.
RowanX24 [7:23 PM]: puerto ricans, mexicans all the same
RowanX24 [7:23 PM]: dont really know which one you are, probably the latter
RowanX24 [7:24 PM]: I am disappointed though, I outed you as easily as everyone else in the room
RowanX24 [7:25 PM]: thought youd be much better at hiding your racist side, guess not
RowanX24 [7:25 PM]: or maybe most of you just arent smart enough to hide it
SilverSurfer9090 [7:25 PM]: you sure like to hear yourself talk
SilverSurfer9090 [7:26 PM]: i'm not a racist, i'm just not uptight like you
SilverSurfer9090 [7:26 PM]: get a grip
SilverSurfer9090 [7:26 PM]: get a life
RowanX24 [7:26 PM]: me uptight?
RowanX24 [7:27 PM]: more like educated, im sure tossing around racial insults is fun to do in the south, but we have class here in ny
SilverSurfer9090 [7:27 PM]: extremely uptight
SilverSurfer9090 [7:27 PM]: new york, that explains your attitude
SilverSurfer9090 [7:27 PM]: ny is a disease
SilverSurfer9090 [7:28 PM]: at least terrorists chose the right city
RowanX24 [7:28 PM]: must be why were one of the major cities in america huh
RowanX24 [7:28 PM]: we dont tolerate rednecks here, hey, our loss I guess
SilverSurfer9090 [7:28 PM]: just because you're in a major city doesn't make you an interesting person
RowanX24 [7:29 PM]: actually I am interesting
RowanX24 [7:29 PM]: maybe if horror chat had more people like me, itd be a much classier room
SilverSurfer9090 [7:29 PM]: yes, i'm completely captivated by this conversation. dude, you're delusional
RowanX24 [7:30 PM]: instead its riddled with southers, and *shudders* canadians
SilverSurfer9090 [7:30 PM]: negroid, chill out.
RowanX24 [7:30 PM]: once again, easy
RowanX24 [7:31 PM]: didnt even have to work that time you outed yourself
RowanX24 [7:31 PM]: again
SilverSurfer9090 [7:31 PM]: you want some crack, tryone
RowanX24 [7:31 PM]: wow youre easier than the rest
SilverSurfer9090 [7:32 PM]: if it turns you on to be called a jigaboo, i don't mind
RowanX24 [7:32 PM]: ok youre becoming a freak now
RowanX24 [7:33 PM]: that was some strange shit right there...real strange
SilverSurfer9090 [7:33 PM]: lol
SilverSurfer9090 [7:33 PM]: i keed, i keed!
SilverSurfer9090 [7:34 PM]: lighten up, eddie murphy's cousin
RowanX24 [7:35 PM]: yea ok...uh....like I said your blog is funny in a archie bunkerish sorta way. however, its racist to us civilized folks
SilverSurfer9090 [7:35 PM]: what's that? O I like you, too Row.
RowanX24 [7:35 PM]: civilized, as in a concept southerners cant quite grasp. anyways see ya
SilverSurfer9090 [7:35 PM]: lol
SilverSurfer9090 [7:35 PM]: bye
So now you see why I don't see eye-to-eye with this anal beads salesman. He calls you racist, but always makes the first racist comment. A simply childish attempt for attention. I kind of understand though, since he told me about how his "Uncle Johnny" touched him when he was younger. Poor little bastard... he has emotional scars.
SilverSurfer9090 [7:19 PM]: thanx!
SilverSurfer9090 [7:20 PM]: i guess not... i guess not :-)
SilverSurfer9090 [7:22 PM]: you're a genius of immigration law. Puerto Rico is a U.S. island, tyrone. You don't even need a passport.
SilverSurfer9090 [7:25 PM]: you sure like to hear yourself talk
SilverSurfer9090 [7:26 PM]: i'm not a racist, i'm just not uptight like you
SilverSurfer9090 [7:26 PM]: get a grip
SilverSurfer9090 [7:26 PM]: get a life
SilverSurfer9090 [7:27 PM]: extremely uptight
SilverSurfer9090 [7:27 PM]: new york, that explains your attitude
SilverSurfer9090 [7:27 PM]: ny is a disease
SilverSurfer9090 [7:28 PM]: at least terrorists chose the right city
SilverSurfer9090 [7:28 PM]: just because you're in a major city doesn't make you an interesting person
SilverSurfer9090 [7:29 PM]: yes, i'm completely captivated by this conversation. dude, you're delusional
SilverSurfer9090 [7:30 PM]: negroid, chill out.
SilverSurfer9090 [7:31 PM]: you want some crack, tryone
SilverSurfer9090 [7:32 PM]: if it turns you on to be called a jigaboo, i don't mind
SilverSurfer9090 [7:33 PM]: lol
SilverSurfer9090 [7:33 PM]: i keed, i keed!
SilverSurfer9090 [7:34 PM]: lighten up, eddie murphy's cousin
SilverSurfer9090 [7:35 PM]: what's that? O I like you, too Row.
SilverSurfer9090 [7:35 PM]: lol
SilverSurfer9090 [7:35 PM]: bye
So now you see why I don't see eye-to-eye with this anal beads salesman. He calls you racist, but always makes the first racist comment. A simply childish attempt for attention. I kind of understand though, since he told me about how his "Uncle Johnny" touched him when he was younger. Poor little bastard... he has emotional scars.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Michael Jackson reads a bedtime story...
Jacko, Accuser's Prints on Porn Mag
Saturday, December 11, 2004
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Fingerprints belonging to both Michael Jackson and the boy accusing him of child molestation were found on pornographic magazines seized from Jackson's Neverland ranch last year, the Santa Barbara News-Press reported Saturday, citing sources it did not identify.
Santa Barbara County Sheriff's spokesman Sgt. Chris Pappas did not immediately return a call Saturday from The Associated Press. Both sides in the case are prohibited by a court-imposed gag order from discussing the case.
If the reported evidence is admitted during Jackson's trial, prosecutors would be expected to argue that the fingerprints were proof that Jackson showed the boy pornographic literature before molesting him. But the defense could question whether the entertainer knew the boy had been leafing through the magazines.
According to the newspaper, the boy and his brother often visited Neverland when Jackson wasn't home.
The newspaper did not describe the magazines' contents except to say they contained pornography.
Superior Court Judge Rodney Melville is expected to decide next month what evidence can be admitted at trial, scheduled to begin Jan. 31.
Jackson, 46, has pleaded not guilty to charges of child molestation, conspiracy and administering an intoxicating agent, alcohol, to his alleged victim.
Investigators most recently searched Jackson's Neverland home on Dec. 3 and 4, and on Dec. 4 the entertainer voluntarily gave them a DNA sample at their request. Investigators first searched the home on Nov. 18, 2003, shortly before Jackson was charged.
THIS^... is just another example of "the man" trying to keep the black man down! They're just upset about Michael's smooth gangsta lean, and "bitch, I'll smack the taste out yo' mouth" attitude.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Fingerprints belonging to both Michael Jackson and the boy accusing him of child molestation were found on pornographic magazines seized from Jackson's Neverland ranch last year, the Santa Barbara News-Press reported Saturday, citing sources it did not identify.
Santa Barbara County Sheriff's spokesman Sgt. Chris Pappas did not immediately return a call Saturday from The Associated Press. Both sides in the case are prohibited by a court-imposed gag order from discussing the case.
If the reported evidence is admitted during Jackson's trial, prosecutors would be expected to argue that the fingerprints were proof that Jackson showed the boy pornographic literature before molesting him. But the defense could question whether the entertainer knew the boy had been leafing through the magazines.
According to the newspaper, the boy and his brother often visited Neverland when Jackson wasn't home.
The newspaper did not describe the magazines' contents except to say they contained pornography.
Superior Court Judge Rodney Melville is expected to decide next month what evidence can be admitted at trial, scheduled to begin Jan. 31.
Jackson, 46, has pleaded not guilty to charges of child molestation, conspiracy and administering an intoxicating agent, alcohol, to his alleged victim.
Investigators most recently searched Jackson's Neverland home on Dec. 3 and 4, and on Dec. 4 the entertainer voluntarily gave them a DNA sample at their request. Investigators first searched the home on Nov. 18, 2003, shortly before Jackson was charged.
THIS^... is just another example of "the man" trying to keep the black man down! They're just upset about Michael's smooth gangsta lean, and "bitch, I'll smack the taste out yo' mouth" attitude.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Stupid Phrases That People Say Over and Over and Over and Over and Over and Over
Everyday I hear people using this God-awful, stupid phrases. They're like, maxims or anecdotes or what the fuck ever. Most of them don't even make sense, so I'm going to make fun of them. Who are you to complain about what I post about? If you're reading this blog, you obviously have no social life and are in dire need of a Thai hooker so that you can sniff a line of cocaine off her left thigh.
...Not to be mean or anything.
"Old as fuck"
- What the hell does that mean? How old is a "fuck?" I mean, it's a term that I assume means to copulate... so how can it age? Is this poking fun at one-minute men? Or guys like Sting who can go ALL NIGHT LONG? I don't understand this. The oldest I can see a "fuck" being is around 3 minutes. Admit it, guys, you're all premies!
"You can't have your cake and eat it too"
- Then why the fuck do I have cake if I can't eat it? This one always annoys me. Seriously, you have cake, but you can't eat it? Throw that shit away and go pop the top off a brewski. No sense in sitting there staring at such a deliciously moist piece of baked goodness with rich, sweet frosting. And if you can't have the cake and eat it... can you eat it and not have it? Does that make sense? It doesn't matter. This maxim sucks ass.
"Kill two birds with one stone"
- I would love to see one person who can kill two birds with one stone. I doubt the average person has the ability to kill one bird with two stones. I mean, how do you kill two birds with one stone? Can you throw it so hard that it hits one bird in the head, killing it on impact, and still retain enough velocity to ricochet off and into another bird and kill it as well? That would be in Ripley's Believe It Or Not or something, because that would just be un-fucking-believable. Seriously, go outside and throws rocks at birds. See how many you can kill with one stone. While you're at it, feed a seagull some alka seltzer. That's just funny. Seagull go BOOM!
"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"
- Who the hell caught the bird, cause I want to shake their hand (if only to trick them into letting the bird go... Go PETA!). I don't know a single person who can catch a bird with their bare hands. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... You're never going to catch a bird with your bare hands, stop trying, and just fucking appreciate that you still have two in the bush.
"Don't count your chickens before they hatch"
- Well, thanks for the advice, shithead. Who the fuck tries to count chickens they don't even know they have? For all they know, the rooster is shooting blanks and the eggs are fertilized to be able to hatch. You'll be counting chickens for a long, long time until you notice the eggs turn a slight green color and the chickens peck your eyes out for being a dumbass. Besides, that doesn't include all the stillbirths in it. Somehow, this raised another question... can a chicken get an abortion? Man, I can just see a hen with a rusty clotheshanger now...
"Every cloud has its silver lining"
- Uh, okay. I see a lot of clouds in the sky. I don't see much silver lining. I see a lot of rain. And lightning. And it's starting to hail a little bit. Hey, is that an F-5 tornado taking out an orphanage? Don't worry, the funnel cloud has a silver lining! Just look for it!
"What goes around comes around"
- Bullshit it does. Now, in a perfect world, everything WOULD be circular. As John Rambo was told in Rambo III "to find peace, john, you must come full circle." HAHAHAHA. Perish the thought, foolish mortal. Nothing will ever come back around. Ever. Once it goes, it's gone. And it'll stay gone. All acts of kindness will be unrewarded, and all acts of evil will be unpunished. Hey, maybe this can work in my favor...
"Birds of a feather flock together"
- You fucking conformist! You're flocking?! What are you, a man or a GOOSE?! If you're going to be a bird, at least be something badass. Merlins are like, the biker group of birds. Falcons are just fast and deadly. Hawks rule. Eagles rock. Why would you put yourself in a flocking group like a goose or a duck? You pussy.
"If you can't beat them, join them"
- You pansy, you're QUITTING? If you can't beat them, you grab a baseball bat and take out their knee. DURRRRRRR. Here's an idea: If you can't beat them, start lifting weights, take a karate class or two, and just flat out kick their ass. Who cares about playing fair?
"The grass is greener on the other side"
- You must be a really sorry gardener then. If you can't even keep your grass looking healthy and naturally green, then you need to just move to the fucking city. That way you won't be responsible for the deaths of millions of organisms. You schmuck. How hard is it to spread out some seed every now and then, water it, and mow it? God. America is getting so lazy that it makes my ass itch. Or maybe that's just the rash from my unwashed underwear.
"When the going gets tough, the tough get going"
- Not always. Sometimes the tough guys go to the bar and drink. Does that count as "going?" And the tough guys are sooooo tough that they don't have to do shit. It's always up to the weakling mortal to actually do the going. Fucking communist America. Everyone thinks they're better than everyone else, so they don't have to do work! FUCK YOU, AMERICA! FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON! AND IT'S MOTHER!
"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for the day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll for a lifetime."
- Oh shut the fuck up. We both know that the man in question is just going to get the fish handed to him every day for the rest of his life by the US Government. Why work when you get stuff for free? Just remember to keep your job, millions on welfare depend on you!
"Home is where the heart is"
- Actually, my chest is where my heart is. I don't know about you sickos, but I'm happy with it right where it is. Maybe you guys should stop ripping your hearts out and putting them over the fireplace. It's not a good dinner conversation piece, it's just creepy. Sick fucks.
"Speak softly, but carry a big stick"
- Who's gonna carry around a baseball bat and beat someone into submission in complete silence? If you're gonna beat the shit out of someone, at least have the dignity of yelling out a "yo momma!" joke or two. Then it's just plain entertaining!
"You can't teach an old dog new tricks"
- But you can shoot it. Or feed it antifreeze. Dogs like that stuff for some reason. If you have an old dog that STILL won't learn how to sit down or fetch, just throw the thing off a bridge into oncoming traffic. Problem solved. Screw you, Armand.
"Don't bite off more than you can chew"
- What kind of a moron fills their mouth so full that they literally can't chew? That's just fucking gross. America is TRULY growing fatter and fatter when we have to use sayings like this. Man, we're obese. Except for me. HEY! This isn't a beer gut! It's a protective covering for my rock hard abs! Leave me the fuck alone! Go stuff your face with another cupcake, fatso!
"This is the end of this post"
- Jesus Christ on a cracker. I can't believe you actually read all of this. What's your problem? Are you stupid or something?
-LZ
...Not to be mean or anything.
"Old as fuck"
- What the hell does that mean? How old is a "fuck?" I mean, it's a term that I assume means to copulate... so how can it age? Is this poking fun at one-minute men? Or guys like Sting who can go ALL NIGHT LONG? I don't understand this. The oldest I can see a "fuck" being is around 3 minutes. Admit it, guys, you're all premies!
"You can't have your cake and eat it too"
- Then why the fuck do I have cake if I can't eat it? This one always annoys me. Seriously, you have cake, but you can't eat it? Throw that shit away and go pop the top off a brewski. No sense in sitting there staring at such a deliciously moist piece of baked goodness with rich, sweet frosting. And if you can't have the cake and eat it... can you eat it and not have it? Does that make sense? It doesn't matter. This maxim sucks ass.
"Kill two birds with one stone"
- I would love to see one person who can kill two birds with one stone. I doubt the average person has the ability to kill one bird with two stones. I mean, how do you kill two birds with one stone? Can you throw it so hard that it hits one bird in the head, killing it on impact, and still retain enough velocity to ricochet off and into another bird and kill it as well? That would be in Ripley's Believe It Or Not or something, because that would just be un-fucking-believable. Seriously, go outside and throws rocks at birds. See how many you can kill with one stone. While you're at it, feed a seagull some alka seltzer. That's just funny. Seagull go BOOM!
"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"
- Who the hell caught the bird, cause I want to shake their hand (if only to trick them into letting the bird go... Go PETA!). I don't know a single person who can catch a bird with their bare hands. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... You're never going to catch a bird with your bare hands, stop trying, and just fucking appreciate that you still have two in the bush.
"Don't count your chickens before they hatch"
- Well, thanks for the advice, shithead. Who the fuck tries to count chickens they don't even know they have? For all they know, the rooster is shooting blanks and the eggs are fertilized to be able to hatch. You'll be counting chickens for a long, long time until you notice the eggs turn a slight green color and the chickens peck your eyes out for being a dumbass. Besides, that doesn't include all the stillbirths in it. Somehow, this raised another question... can a chicken get an abortion? Man, I can just see a hen with a rusty clotheshanger now...
"Every cloud has its silver lining"
- Uh, okay. I see a lot of clouds in the sky. I don't see much silver lining. I see a lot of rain. And lightning. And it's starting to hail a little bit. Hey, is that an F-5 tornado taking out an orphanage? Don't worry, the funnel cloud has a silver lining! Just look for it!
"What goes around comes around"
- Bullshit it does. Now, in a perfect world, everything WOULD be circular. As John Rambo was told in Rambo III "to find peace, john, you must come full circle." HAHAHAHA. Perish the thought, foolish mortal. Nothing will ever come back around. Ever. Once it goes, it's gone. And it'll stay gone. All acts of kindness will be unrewarded, and all acts of evil will be unpunished. Hey, maybe this can work in my favor...
"Birds of a feather flock together"
- You fucking conformist! You're flocking?! What are you, a man or a GOOSE?! If you're going to be a bird, at least be something badass. Merlins are like, the biker group of birds. Falcons are just fast and deadly. Hawks rule. Eagles rock. Why would you put yourself in a flocking group like a goose or a duck? You pussy.
"If you can't beat them, join them"
- You pansy, you're QUITTING? If you can't beat them, you grab a baseball bat and take out their knee. DURRRRRRR. Here's an idea: If you can't beat them, start lifting weights, take a karate class or two, and just flat out kick their ass. Who cares about playing fair?
"The grass is greener on the other side"
- You must be a really sorry gardener then. If you can't even keep your grass looking healthy and naturally green, then you need to just move to the fucking city. That way you won't be responsible for the deaths of millions of organisms. You schmuck. How hard is it to spread out some seed every now and then, water it, and mow it? God. America is getting so lazy that it makes my ass itch. Or maybe that's just the rash from my unwashed underwear.
"When the going gets tough, the tough get going"
- Not always. Sometimes the tough guys go to the bar and drink. Does that count as "going?" And the tough guys are sooooo tough that they don't have to do shit. It's always up to the weakling mortal to actually do the going. Fucking communist America. Everyone thinks they're better than everyone else, so they don't have to do work! FUCK YOU, AMERICA! FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON! AND IT'S MOTHER!
"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for the day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll for a lifetime."
- Oh shut the fuck up. We both know that the man in question is just going to get the fish handed to him every day for the rest of his life by the US Government. Why work when you get stuff for free? Just remember to keep your job, millions on welfare depend on you!
"Home is where the heart is"
- Actually, my chest is where my heart is. I don't know about you sickos, but I'm happy with it right where it is. Maybe you guys should stop ripping your hearts out and putting them over the fireplace. It's not a good dinner conversation piece, it's just creepy. Sick fucks.
"Speak softly, but carry a big stick"
- Who's gonna carry around a baseball bat and beat someone into submission in complete silence? If you're gonna beat the shit out of someone, at least have the dignity of yelling out a "yo momma!" joke or two. Then it's just plain entertaining!
"You can't teach an old dog new tricks"
- But you can shoot it. Or feed it antifreeze. Dogs like that stuff for some reason. If you have an old dog that STILL won't learn how to sit down or fetch, just throw the thing off a bridge into oncoming traffic. Problem solved. Screw you, Armand.
"Don't bite off more than you can chew"
- What kind of a moron fills their mouth so full that they literally can't chew? That's just fucking gross. America is TRULY growing fatter and fatter when we have to use sayings like this. Man, we're obese. Except for me. HEY! This isn't a beer gut! It's a protective covering for my rock hard abs! Leave me the fuck alone! Go stuff your face with another cupcake, fatso!
"This is the end of this post"
- Jesus Christ on a cracker. I can't believe you actually read all of this. What's your problem? Are you stupid or something?
-LZ
Friday, December 10, 2004
RowanX24: Punk-ass bitch
"Sometimes when I get really frustrated about my flacid penis, I go to the chat rooms and yell at white people!"
This is a photo of AOL chat room disease, and alleged Janitor: Rowanx24. I tried to be nice to this douche weasel for the longest time, but you have to give respect to get respect back. And this "sanitational engineer"(bullshit artist) isn't getting anymore kindness from me. He hates all white people from the South, which he knows nothing about and he simply starts shit with his "holier than thou" attitude. Simply put, RowanX24 isn't worth the energy his father expended conceiving him in a cardboard box behind the Kmart.
The flip-side
I was wondering today if slamming my penis in a car door would have a positive impact on my life?
I'm sure most folks would say, "That's a fuckin' stupid question, waldo!", and I can understand that response. But, think about it for a second with me, okay? (envision walking robotically out to the driveway, opening the car door, unzipping your pants, pulling your penis out and slamming the door shut on your most sensitive extremity)
Now, think of the up-side of this act of sexual defiance. If you play your cards right, folks will think your a sick fuckin' loon who probably picks through their own shit looking for the tracking device the federal government put in your cream of wheat. And if you can do that, you will never have to work again because you'll get social security disability.
Which is kind of cool, but you WILL have to put up with having a splint on your "doodle" for awhile.
I'm sure most folks would say, "That's a fuckin' stupid question, waldo!", and I can understand that response. But, think about it for a second with me, okay? (envision walking robotically out to the driveway, opening the car door, unzipping your pants, pulling your penis out and slamming the door shut on your most sensitive extremity)
Now, think of the up-side of this act of sexual defiance. If you play your cards right, folks will think your a sick fuckin' loon who probably picks through their own shit looking for the tracking device the federal government put in your cream of wheat. And if you can do that, you will never have to work again because you'll get social security disability.
Which is kind of cool, but you WILL have to put up with having a splint on your "doodle" for awhile.
If they mated...
Who would have the ugliest child in show business?
I was thinking that if Oprah Winfrey and Mike Tyson ever hooked up, they might have a child with a large sloping forehead and a face as wide as a football. Of course, if Oprah ever got pregnant by Mike, I beleive she would pull the fetus out of her body with her bare hands, throw it on the ground, and stomp on it with a golf cleat.
Steve Buscemi and Quentin Tarantino are both graphically deformed and have the look of some kind of government breeding program gone terribly wrong. I beleive no matter which women these two had a child with, the creation could possibly fall out of the woman's vagina wearing a helmet, and velcro shoes.
I think Sara Jessica Parker and Macy Gray could also churn out some mutated shaved rats, but I don't want to jump to conclusions.On the other hand, I'm pretty sure Rosie O'Donnell could deliver some quality heffers, but that will never happen. Not because she's gay, but because if any man puts his penis in her black moss covered slop-through it would be eaten off his body by her carniverous and rabid clam! (it has teeth and a voice like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors - "Feed me, seymour" - her vagina screams as Rosie dangles an entire raw chicken over it's snapping jaws)
These are just a few celebrities that came into my mind, let me know if you think there are more that should be included on the list.
I was thinking that if Oprah Winfrey and Mike Tyson ever hooked up, they might have a child with a large sloping forehead and a face as wide as a football. Of course, if Oprah ever got pregnant by Mike, I beleive she would pull the fetus out of her body with her bare hands, throw it on the ground, and stomp on it with a golf cleat.
Steve Buscemi and Quentin Tarantino are both graphically deformed and have the look of some kind of government breeding program gone terribly wrong. I beleive no matter which women these two had a child with, the creation could possibly fall out of the woman's vagina wearing a helmet, and velcro shoes.
I think Sara Jessica Parker and Macy Gray could also churn out some mutated shaved rats, but I don't want to jump to conclusions.On the other hand, I'm pretty sure Rosie O'Donnell could deliver some quality heffers, but that will never happen. Not because she's gay, but because if any man puts his penis in her black moss covered slop-through it would be eaten off his body by her carniverous and rabid clam! (it has teeth and a voice like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors - "Feed me, seymour" - her vagina screams as Rosie dangles an entire raw chicken over it's snapping jaws)
These are just a few celebrities that came into my mind, let me know if you think there are more that should be included on the list.
Note to self:
Audioblogger was meant for sober people without a cold. File the last entry under "Just Plain Sad".
Thursday, December 9, 2004
Say what?!
Well, I finally found a use for Audioblogger. I decided to get speech-slurring drunk and read names and profiles out of Pro Wrestling Illustrated's PWI 500 (the annual ranking of pro wrestlers from 1 to 500). I don't know if anyone will enjoy hearing this (personally, it's painful for me to listen to it), but I honestly don't care because it's Thursday night (I don't work on Friday, Saturday or Sunday) and I'm so drunk right now I can't believe I'm actually typing this! I'm typing very slowing, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (falls off stool and pisses pants)
Senseless
I heard this story on the radio while I was at work this morning, and couldn't believe my ears. I've come to expect and accept the most bizarre behavior and unexplainable events, but this really hit me from out of nowhere. And, it makes absolutley no sense at all! I just don't get what goes throught the minds of some people in this world. Thanks to the actions of this mental defective, the world is missing three people who should still be here, and the simple act of concert-going is most likely about to change for a long time. Dimebag Darrell was a great guitar player who came to Ohio to put on a show, and now he dead because some guy didn't like that Pantera split up! I don't what to think, except to say I wish these kind of people would quick ruining the world for others, because they don't like it. Don't start killing others who want to live because you want to die. Put a gun in your mouth and leave the rest of us alone!
Dimebag Darrell, Four Others Killed In Ohio Concert Shooting
12.09.2004
Man jumps onstage and shoots bandmembers, others.
Dimebag Darrell, guitarist for Damageplan and Pantera, was killed during a shooting spree at a Columbus, Ohio, nightclub Wednesday night. He was 38.
Darrell, real name Darrell Abbott, was among the five people killed during the incident. Also
dead are the gunman, 25-year-old Nathan Gale of nearby Marysville, Ohio, and two fans, Nathan Bray, 23, and Erin Halk, 29, according to Columbus Police Department public information officer Sherry Mercurio. Gale also wounded two people.
Damageplan had just begun their first song in front of approximately 250 people at Alrosa Villa when the gunman jumped onstage, made a comment about Pantera, and began firing at close range into Darrell's body, shooting him several times before opening fire on the crowd.
A patrol officer nearby, James Niggemeyer, heard the call of shots fired at 10:18 p.m. and by 10:20 p.m. had snuck inside the club through a back door, according to public information officer Sergeant Brent Mull. After entering, Niggemeyer, who had no backup, confronted the gunman onstage, where he observed one victim and Gale holding a hostage by the neck.
"The officer was able to strategically gun this guy down before he was able to kill his hostage, and it appeared that he was about to kill his hostage," Mull said at a press conference Thursday (December 9). "The suspect had the hostage in a headlock situation and had his firearm out shooting, and it's believed he was about to take his gun to the hostage."
But the hostage wriggled out of the way slightly, Mull said, and the officer was able to kill the shooter with a single shotgun blast as the hostage escaped uninjured. One eyewitness told CNN that Gale reloaded his gun during the shooting spree. The Columbus Dispatch described the gunman as a tall, bald, heavyset man in a Columbus Blue Jackets jersey and jeans.
The fifth victim's name and those of the two wounded have not yet been released, but the club's manager told the Dispatch that one of the wounded was a security guard who had tried to wrestle the attacker's gun away.
"If the officer hadn't acted when he did and how he did, we'd probably be looking at more dead, because this guy was actively shooting," Mull said. Following the incident, police took more than 200 patrons onto three city-donated buses, where they were interviewed by some 60 police detectives.
"The ones that were inside and witnessed this ran for their lives and were in fear for their lives," Mull said. "They are victims too, and we want to take care of them."
In 911 tapes released Thursday, one caller tells the operator, "There's been a shooting! Somebody's shooting! He's shooting the band, oh sh--, he's still shooting!" Another is heard frantically telling the 911 operator, "We need to get out, we need to get out! I can't, I can't get out."
One concertgoer, his jeans torn and soaked with blood, told CNN he jumped onstage and attempted to give Darrell CPR before paramedics arrived.
Police have interviewed friends and relatives of the shooter, attempting to establish a motive for his actions. "We may never know the motive for this," Mull said, "unless he left a note somewhere else."
One eyewitness, 37-year-old food vendor Medhat Mokhtar, told MTV News that he saw Gale lingering outside the club prior to Damageplan's set. Gale paced near Mokhtar's food cart and only entered the club when Damageplan's performance began. Shortly thereafter, Mokhtar noticed concertgoers fleeing the club and screaming, and the vendor headed inside to see what the disturbance was. He said he then made his way to the stage where a crowd had gathered around the wounded Darrell. "I tried to push them away, but people loved him too much. The people were kissing his hands and his feet and trying to give him CPR," Mokhtar said.
Searching Gale's residence is the next step of the investigation, as is analyzing amateur video footage taken of the incident, which homicide investigators are looking at now, Mull said. The venue had no surveillance footage. Mull also said he had been told there was no metal detector at the club, though he could not confirm that at press time and a club spokesperson could not be reached.
As word of Dimebag's death rippled through the metal community, the news was met with shock and sadness.
"I'm speechless," former Rob Zombie/ Ozzy Osbourne bassist Rob Blasko Nicholson said. "This is totally unreal. Dimebag is a f---ing legend and this is total bullsh--."
"This is insane and this is beyond travesty," Killswitch Engage frontman and former Damageplan tour partner Howard Jones said. "This is beyond anything I've ever heard. This shouldn't happen in or outside of the rock and metal community. He will be missed and mourned as a person, as a musician, and as a friend."
"Let's for a second forget that I even knew him, [and focus on] just the fact that this was allowed to happen," Slipknot singer Corey Taylor said. "If somebody can jump onstage with a gun and shoot one of the most influential guitarists of my generation, what's next? If this is allowed to happen, what the hell? What does that say? Just that somebody would think this was a good idea in his own insane world, what does that say about where we're at right now? It's definitely given me pause. I'm an entertainer as well as a musician, so I have to look at this and think not only has one of my really good friends died, but what if that had been me?"
Damageplan also features Dimebag's brother, former Pantera drummer Vinnie Paul; singer Patrick Lachman and bassist Bob Zilla.
Dimebag Darrell, Four Others Killed In Ohio Concert Shooting
12.09.2004
Man jumps onstage and shoots bandmembers, others.
Dimebag Darrell, guitarist for Damageplan and Pantera, was killed during a shooting spree at a Columbus, Ohio, nightclub Wednesday night. He was 38.
Darrell, real name Darrell Abbott, was among the five people killed during the incident. Also
dead are the gunman, 25-year-old Nathan Gale of nearby Marysville, Ohio, and two fans, Nathan Bray, 23, and Erin Halk, 29, according to Columbus Police Department public information officer Sherry Mercurio. Gale also wounded two people.
Damageplan had just begun their first song in front of approximately 250 people at Alrosa Villa when the gunman jumped onstage, made a comment about Pantera, and began firing at close range into Darrell's body, shooting him several times before opening fire on the crowd.
A patrol officer nearby, James Niggemeyer, heard the call of shots fired at 10:18 p.m. and by 10:20 p.m. had snuck inside the club through a back door, according to public information officer Sergeant Brent Mull. After entering, Niggemeyer, who had no backup, confronted the gunman onstage, where he observed one victim and Gale holding a hostage by the neck.
"The officer was able to strategically gun this guy down before he was able to kill his hostage, and it appeared that he was about to kill his hostage," Mull said at a press conference Thursday (December 9). "The suspect had the hostage in a headlock situation and had his firearm out shooting, and it's believed he was about to take his gun to the hostage."
But the hostage wriggled out of the way slightly, Mull said, and the officer was able to kill the shooter with a single shotgun blast as the hostage escaped uninjured. One eyewitness told CNN that Gale reloaded his gun during the shooting spree. The Columbus Dispatch described the gunman as a tall, bald, heavyset man in a Columbus Blue Jackets jersey and jeans.
The fifth victim's name and those of the two wounded have not yet been released, but the club's manager told the Dispatch that one of the wounded was a security guard who had tried to wrestle the attacker's gun away.
"If the officer hadn't acted when he did and how he did, we'd probably be looking at more dead, because this guy was actively shooting," Mull said. Following the incident, police took more than 200 patrons onto three city-donated buses, where they were interviewed by some 60 police detectives.
"The ones that were inside and witnessed this ran for their lives and were in fear for their lives," Mull said. "They are victims too, and we want to take care of them."
In 911 tapes released Thursday, one caller tells the operator, "There's been a shooting! Somebody's shooting! He's shooting the band, oh sh--, he's still shooting!" Another is heard frantically telling the 911 operator, "We need to get out, we need to get out! I can't, I can't get out."
One concertgoer, his jeans torn and soaked with blood, told CNN he jumped onstage and attempted to give Darrell CPR before paramedics arrived.
Police have interviewed friends and relatives of the shooter, attempting to establish a motive for his actions. "We may never know the motive for this," Mull said, "unless he left a note somewhere else."
One eyewitness, 37-year-old food vendor Medhat Mokhtar, told MTV News that he saw Gale lingering outside the club prior to Damageplan's set. Gale paced near Mokhtar's food cart and only entered the club when Damageplan's performance began. Shortly thereafter, Mokhtar noticed concertgoers fleeing the club and screaming, and the vendor headed inside to see what the disturbance was. He said he then made his way to the stage where a crowd had gathered around the wounded Darrell. "I tried to push them away, but people loved him too much. The people were kissing his hands and his feet and trying to give him CPR," Mokhtar said.
Searching Gale's residence is the next step of the investigation, as is analyzing amateur video footage taken of the incident, which homicide investigators are looking at now, Mull said. The venue had no surveillance footage. Mull also said he had been told there was no metal detector at the club, though he could not confirm that at press time and a club spokesperson could not be reached.
As word of Dimebag's death rippled through the metal community, the news was met with shock and sadness.
"I'm speechless," former Rob Zombie/ Ozzy Osbourne bassist Rob Blasko Nicholson said. "This is totally unreal. Dimebag is a f---ing legend and this is total bullsh--."
"This is insane and this is beyond travesty," Killswitch Engage frontman and former Damageplan tour partner Howard Jones said. "This is beyond anything I've ever heard. This shouldn't happen in or outside of the rock and metal community. He will be missed and mourned as a person, as a musician, and as a friend."
"Let's for a second forget that I even knew him, [and focus on] just the fact that this was allowed to happen," Slipknot singer Corey Taylor said. "If somebody can jump onstage with a gun and shoot one of the most influential guitarists of my generation, what's next? If this is allowed to happen, what the hell? What does that say? Just that somebody would think this was a good idea in his own insane world, what does that say about where we're at right now? It's definitely given me pause. I'm an entertainer as well as a musician, so I have to look at this and think not only has one of my really good friends died, but what if that had been me?"
Damageplan also features Dimebag's brother, former Pantera drummer Vinnie Paul; singer Patrick Lachman and bassist Bob Zilla.
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
Shooters after recess!
Fourth-grader suspended over suspected 'Jell-O shots'
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (AP) -- An 8-year-old girl was suspended for nine days for bringing to school what appeared to be about 30 "Jell-O shots" -- though it was unclear whether they contained alcohol.
The incident occurred November 29, as the girl stood after classes outside Geraldine Boudreaux Elementary School in Terrytown, a New Orleans suburb. A teacher spotted liquid dripping out of the student's bookbag and found what looked like the small cups of alcohol-laced gelatin that are sold in bars, schools spokesman Jeff Nowakowski said.
The girl told the principal that her mother, who works in a bar, makes alcoholic shots at home and sells them at work. The fourth-grader said her mother had instructed her to take the shots to school and sell them, three for $1, to make some money for Christmas, Nowakowski said.
The gelatin was turned over to the sheriff's department for testing to see if it contained alcohol.
The girl was suspended for violating school rules against possessing or trying to distribute a "lookalike," or something that appears to contain drugs or alcohol.
Under the lookalike rule, the girl's suspension will stand no matter what the sheriff's department finds.
"The school system's position is, it doesn't matter if it had alcohol in it or not," Nowakowski said.
The names of the girl and her mother were not released.
The mother must also allow school officials to test her daughter's hair for signs of drug use, Nowakowski said.
When I was in school, we did much worse stuff than that!
Wednesday, December 8, 2004
NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (AP) -- An 8-year-old girl was suspended for nine days for bringing to school what appeared to be about 30 "Jell-O shots" -- though it was unclear whether they contained alcohol.
The incident occurred November 29, as the girl stood after classes outside Geraldine Boudreaux Elementary School in Terrytown, a New Orleans suburb. A teacher spotted liquid dripping out of the student's bookbag and found what looked like the small cups of alcohol-laced gelatin that are sold in bars, schools spokesman Jeff Nowakowski said.
The girl told the principal that her mother, who works in a bar, makes alcoholic shots at home and sells them at work. The fourth-grader said her mother had instructed her to take the shots to school and sell them, three for $1, to make some money for Christmas, Nowakowski said.
The gelatin was turned over to the sheriff's department for testing to see if it contained alcohol.
The girl was suspended for violating school rules against possessing or trying to distribute a "lookalike," or something that appears to contain drugs or alcohol.
Under the lookalike rule, the girl's suspension will stand no matter what the sheriff's department finds.
"The school system's position is, it doesn't matter if it had alcohol in it or not," Nowakowski said.
The names of the girl and her mother were not released.
The mother must also allow school officials to test her daughter's hair for signs of drug use, Nowakowski said.
When I was in school, we did much worse stuff than that!
Sunday, December 5, 2004
I thought Kevin Bacon put a stop to this stuff in the 80s?
Principal Reconsiders Permission Slips for Gay Couples
Sunday, December 05, 2004
WEST JORDAN, Utah — A principal who wants gay couples to get permission slips from their parents before they can attend school dances promised to re-evaluate the policy after protesters held four days of protests.
Copper Hills High School Principal Tom Worlton issued the policy last month but agreed to revisit it Friday. He said he saw the policy as a way to alert the parents to the dangers their children might face.
Jason Atwood, 17, his boyfriend, Tom Tolman, 15, who attends another school, and small circle of friends held protests across the street from the suburban Salt Lake City school before they met with Worlton. The protesters said they were subjected to insults, obscene gestures, egg throwing and snowballs from passing cars during the four days.
"I'm so proud of you," Tolman's mother, Patricia Gilley, said after dropping him off. "You can't help who you love."
Atwood's father, Quovaudis Atwood, said he feared Worlton's policy would absolve the school of responsibility if anything were to happen to his son.
"I'm not at the dance with Jason. ... How could I be responsible for my son?" he said. "As long as I'm paying taxes to support that school, my son deserves every bit of protection, education, whatever that school has to offer."
Worlton said the policy stemmed from students' concerns about potential harassment. "That was not an attempt to get out of liability and not a response to deprive them from coming to the dance," he said.
Worlton said he will make a decision on the policy in time for the prom.
_______________
I wonder if Bert and Ernie had to put up with this kind of shit on Sesame Street?
Sunday, December 05, 2004
WEST JORDAN, Utah — A principal who wants gay couples to get permission slips from their parents before they can attend school dances promised to re-evaluate the policy after protesters held four days of protests.
Copper Hills High School Principal Tom Worlton issued the policy last month but agreed to revisit it Friday. He said he saw the policy as a way to alert the parents to the dangers their children might face.
Jason Atwood, 17, his boyfriend, Tom Tolman, 15, who attends another school, and small circle of friends held protests across the street from the suburban Salt Lake City school before they met with Worlton. The protesters said they were subjected to insults, obscene gestures, egg throwing and snowballs from passing cars during the four days.
"I'm so proud of you," Tolman's mother, Patricia Gilley, said after dropping him off. "You can't help who you love."
Atwood's father, Quovaudis Atwood, said he feared Worlton's policy would absolve the school of responsibility if anything were to happen to his son.
"I'm not at the dance with Jason. ... How could I be responsible for my son?" he said. "As long as I'm paying taxes to support that school, my son deserves every bit of protection, education, whatever that school has to offer."
Worlton said the policy stemmed from students' concerns about potential harassment. "That was not an attempt to get out of liability and not a response to deprive them from coming to the dance," he said.
Worlton said he will make a decision on the policy in time for the prom.
_______________
I wonder if Bert and Ernie had to put up with this kind of shit on Sesame Street?
Thoughtless Gift Ideas
NAMCO 5-in-1 Joystick
I'm a notorious "last-minute shopper", so these little puppies are perfect for me! I got about a dozen people to cover during the holiday season, and I'm not Donald Trump. About $20 each, I bought four of these bitches! Two of the Pac-man: for my younger brother and brother-in-law; One of the Frogger: for my little sister; and one of the Mrs. Pac-man: for my other sister. That's four people down, eight more to go.
I'm a notorious "last-minute shopper", so these little puppies are perfect for me! I got about a dozen people to cover during the holiday season, and I'm not Donald Trump. About $20 each, I bought four of these bitches! Two of the Pac-man: for my younger brother and brother-in-law; One of the Frogger: for my little sister; and one of the Mrs. Pac-man: for my other sister. That's four people down, eight more to go.
omg u suxx0r
You know what burns me?
Matches.
Just kidding. I'm here to talk about the so called "hackors" and "elitists" that plague the AOL chatrooms. I mean, seriously do these people have no lives whatsoever?
What's the purpose of sitting in a chatroom allllll day long and doing nothing but running programs? My inside source tells me that only one of them is even above the age of 18. So, basically, in the chatroom I frequent regularly, only one out of 73.4 "hackers" is actually older than I am. Geezus H. Christ, even I have more of a life than that.
And I think it's hilarious that these people call themselves "hackers" or "crackers" or what-the-fuck-ever. Know why? Because they can't do a damn thing. Not a single one of them knows the first thing about C++ or virii or Superbit(I don't know where this name came from, leave me alone) or probably even how many bytes are in a megabyte. All they know how to do is double click an icon and run it. Ooooooh, wow, what technical prowess! I fear for my life! Not even the guy that started bringing them in the chatroom has a clue what he's doing. He just downloads the programs and edits them a wee bit.
Yeah, I'm getting really scared now, dontcha know.
The funniest part about these people is how they type and their screen names. Apparently they're special because their screen names are in all lowercase letters. Oooh, big man. You're tough with a screen names like "u suxx0r" and "im a newb". Here's one for you... "i still live with mom." How about "daddy touched me when i was 5?" On top of that, they also type in all lowercase letters and try to make fancy emoticons. Wow, I ph34r ur l337 n3kk1d 5k1ll5.
And the scrolling thing... give me a break, it's fucking stupid already. What do you accomplish by scrolling randomly colored letters or little smiley faces for 3 hours in a chatroom? Are you really so lifeless that you get a kick out of sitting and staring at a screen scrolling down, filled with this shit for hour upon hour upon hour upon hour upon hour upon hour? Me thinks there's some people out there that need to get laid, and for once, I'm not one of them.
This whole "hacker language" think is pretty ridiculous too. Here's the basic key:
5 = s
3 = e
4 = a
7 = t
1 = i
2 = r
8 = b
And probably some others that don't really matter. Here's something maybe they'll understand:
4v324g3 m4l3: 8==========>
4v324g3 h4ck32: 8=>
Yeah, that was lame. Leave me the hell alone.
Man, I hate this hacko's, as one mysteriously gay, gothic, and vegan person I know puts it.
In conclusion: People that scroll bots in chatrooms are juvenile little fuckers that need to get a life and possibly a girlfriend, and Armand is still pathetically homosexually and gothically vegetarian.
-LZ
Matches.
Just kidding. I'm here to talk about the so called "hackors" and "elitists" that plague the AOL chatrooms. I mean, seriously do these people have no lives whatsoever?
What's the purpose of sitting in a chatroom allllll day long and doing nothing but running programs? My inside source tells me that only one of them is even above the age of 18. So, basically, in the chatroom I frequent regularly, only one out of 73.4 "hackers" is actually older than I am. Geezus H. Christ, even I have more of a life than that.
And I think it's hilarious that these people call themselves "hackers" or "crackers" or what-the-fuck-ever. Know why? Because they can't do a damn thing. Not a single one of them knows the first thing about C++ or virii or Superbit(I don't know where this name came from, leave me alone) or probably even how many bytes are in a megabyte. All they know how to do is double click an icon and run it. Ooooooh, wow, what technical prowess! I fear for my life! Not even the guy that started bringing them in the chatroom has a clue what he's doing. He just downloads the programs and edits them a wee bit.
Yeah, I'm getting really scared now, dontcha know.
The funniest part about these people is how they type and their screen names. Apparently they're special because their screen names are in all lowercase letters. Oooh, big man. You're tough with a screen names like "u suxx0r" and "im a newb". Here's one for you... "i still live with mom." How about "daddy touched me when i was 5?" On top of that, they also type in all lowercase letters and try to make fancy emoticons. Wow, I ph34r ur l337 n3kk1d 5k1ll5.
And the scrolling thing... give me a break, it's fucking stupid already. What do you accomplish by scrolling randomly colored letters or little smiley faces for 3 hours in a chatroom? Are you really so lifeless that you get a kick out of sitting and staring at a screen scrolling down, filled with this shit for hour upon hour upon hour upon hour upon hour upon hour? Me thinks there's some people out there that need to get laid, and for once, I'm not one of them.
This whole "hacker language" think is pretty ridiculous too. Here's the basic key:
5 = s
3 = e
4 = a
7 = t
1 = i
2 = r
8 = b
And probably some others that don't really matter. Here's something maybe they'll understand:
4v324g3 m4l3: 8==========>
4v324g3 h4ck32: 8=>
Yeah, that was lame. Leave me the hell alone.
Man, I hate this hacko's, as one mysteriously gay, gothic, and vegan person I know puts it.
In conclusion: People that scroll bots in chatrooms are juvenile little fuckers that need to get a life and possibly a girlfriend, and Armand is still pathetically homosexually and gothically vegetarian.
-LZ
Saturday, December 4, 2004
Here's a Package to Unwrap
So, uh, I'm Leroy Zombie. Norrin is making me do this. He has me locked in his basement, all he lets me eat is goat cheese and sauer kraut. Please GOD send somebody to help me, he touches me in sexual wa-
Brian David Mitchell sings during a hearing Friday.
SALT LAKE CITY (Dec. 3) - A judge ordered a new round competency evaluations in the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping case Friday after the suspect broke out in a Christmas hymn at a court hearing.
Judge Judith Atherton's order came after Brian David Mitchell closed his eyes and sang, "Oh come, oh come, Immanuel," the name he used as a street preacher.
After about 40 seconds of the tune, the judge ordered Mitchell from the courtroom.
"That's enough, Mr. Mitchell, but that's great," she said. "He sings well."
Mitchell's lawyers said he had grown increasingly delusional in jail since September, when the judge declared him competent after seven months of dueling evaluations.
The judge said she was impatient with defense efforts to delay trial but set the competency hearings for Jan. 6-7. She said the trial will begin as planned on Feb. 1.
Mitchell, a self-proclaimed prophet, has pleaded not guilty to kidnapping and other charges in the knifepoint abduction of Elizabeth from her bedroom in 2002, when she was 14.
Mitchell's lawyers declined to take questions from reporters outside court Friday.
Prosecutors did not oppose the new hearings but said the song didn't convince them that Mitchell was unfit for trial.
"That indicates odd behavior, but all criminal behavior is odd," Deputy District Attorney Kent Morgan said outside court.
Mitchell and his wife, Wanda Barzee, were charged after they were found with Elizabeth along a suburban street in March 2003. The girl was allegedly taken into the foothills near the home, sexually assaulted and kept as Mitchell's second wife.
Along with kidnapping, Mitchell and Barzee face charges of aggravated sexual assault, aggravated burglary and conspiracy.
Barzee has been twice deemed incompetent to stand trial and is undergoing treatment at a state mental hospital. She is scheduled for reevaluation in August.
According to court documents, Mitchell says a "revelation from God" motivated him to take Elizabeth.
~~~~~~~
So this guy gets exactly what he wants by getting in the Christmas spirit? Man, that must be the life. I wish I could get whatever I wanted by singing Frosty the Snowman.
I bet Scott Peterson wishes he thought of this first. He might have gotten the "innocent" ruling had he broke out a rousing rendition of Jingle Bell Rock!
Or not. I could be wrong.
Something tells me that this "revelation from God" that Mitchell heard is really just him overhearing God singing in the shower. And what the hell kind of name is "Barzee" anyway? What? Is that Polish?
Wait, if God sings in the shower... what does he read when he's on the crapper?
The Odyssey? No, too old-fashioned...
The King James Bible? Who reads a book about themselves? Not like it'll tell him anything he doesn't already know.
Harry Potter? Of course! That has to be it! Who doesn't love reading about the kooky adventures of that wily little wizard?!
...Man, that's deep.
-LZ
Brian David Mitchell sings during a hearing Friday.
SALT LAKE CITY (Dec. 3) - A judge ordered a new round competency evaluations in the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping case Friday after the suspect broke out in a Christmas hymn at a court hearing.
Judge Judith Atherton's order came after Brian David Mitchell closed his eyes and sang, "Oh come, oh come, Immanuel," the name he used as a street preacher.
After about 40 seconds of the tune, the judge ordered Mitchell from the courtroom.
"That's enough, Mr. Mitchell, but that's great," she said. "He sings well."
Mitchell's lawyers said he had grown increasingly delusional in jail since September, when the judge declared him competent after seven months of dueling evaluations.
The judge said she was impatient with defense efforts to delay trial but set the competency hearings for Jan. 6-7. She said the trial will begin as planned on Feb. 1.
Mitchell, a self-proclaimed prophet, has pleaded not guilty to kidnapping and other charges in the knifepoint abduction of Elizabeth from her bedroom in 2002, when she was 14.
Mitchell's lawyers declined to take questions from reporters outside court Friday.
Prosecutors did not oppose the new hearings but said the song didn't convince them that Mitchell was unfit for trial.
"That indicates odd behavior, but all criminal behavior is odd," Deputy District Attorney Kent Morgan said outside court.
Mitchell and his wife, Wanda Barzee, were charged after they were found with Elizabeth along a suburban street in March 2003. The girl was allegedly taken into the foothills near the home, sexually assaulted and kept as Mitchell's second wife.
Along with kidnapping, Mitchell and Barzee face charges of aggravated sexual assault, aggravated burglary and conspiracy.
Barzee has been twice deemed incompetent to stand trial and is undergoing treatment at a state mental hospital. She is scheduled for reevaluation in August.
According to court documents, Mitchell says a "revelation from God" motivated him to take Elizabeth.
~~~~~~~
So this guy gets exactly what he wants by getting in the Christmas spirit? Man, that must be the life. I wish I could get whatever I wanted by singing Frosty the Snowman.
I bet Scott Peterson wishes he thought of this first. He might have gotten the "innocent" ruling had he broke out a rousing rendition of Jingle Bell Rock!
Or not. I could be wrong.
Something tells me that this "revelation from God" that Mitchell heard is really just him overhearing God singing in the shower. And what the hell kind of name is "Barzee" anyway? What? Is that Polish?
Wait, if God sings in the shower... what does he read when he's on the crapper?
The Odyssey? No, too old-fashioned...
The King James Bible? Who reads a book about themselves? Not like it'll tell him anything he doesn't already know.
Harry Potter? Of course! That has to be it! Who doesn't love reading about the kooky adventures of that wily little wizard?!
...Man, that's deep.
-LZ
What If God Was One Of Us?
I was singing in the shower this morning when I had a revelation. Does God sing in the shower? I pondered this thought, my loofa sponge pressed against my temple as I studied this vision (God wearing a shower cap, dancing in place, and singing "Girls Just Want To Have Fun"). Then, I came to the conclusion- of course he would sing in the shower. I'm made in God's image, they say, so surely he would also enjoy harmonizing while cleansing his godly extremities. But then the real question hit me- what would he sing? For some reason, Cyndi Lauper, love her as I may, wouldn't be God's style. For some reason, I think he would be a Beatles fan (which is a weird thought for me, since I don't care much for the Fab Four). So, after a complete review of my inner being and soul, I would believe God sings "Strawberry Fields" in the shower!
I Called The Witch Doctor, He Told Me...
Teacher, Alleged Sex Victim Did Witchcraft
Friday, December 03, 2004
SOUTH HAVEN, Mich. — A teacher and a 14-year-old former female student whom she is accused of sexually assaulting participated in witchcraft together and even "wed" in a pagan ritual, police said.
Elizabeth Miklosovic, 36, a teacher at South Haven's Baseline Middle School, was arraigned Thursday on a charge of first-degree criminal sexual conduct.
If convicted, Miklosovic faces a maximum sentence of life in prison. She remained jailed Friday on $100,000 bond.
Miklosovic, a seventh-grade language arts teacher, lives with another woman and their adopted son, authorities said. She was placed on leave from her job.
The student told police that she and Miklosovic had about five sexual encounters from June to October in the teacher's home and two parks.
Miklosovic has no previous criminal record in Michigan, state police records show.
Detective Sgt. Diane Oppenheim of the state police post in South Haven said the student — who was described as having emotional problems — came to trust the teacher so much, she agreed to "marry" the woman in a pagan ritual.
"They also participated in witchcraft together," Oppenheim said.
Both Miklosovic and her lawyer declined to comment.
Friday, December 03, 2004
SOUTH HAVEN, Mich. — A teacher and a 14-year-old former female student whom she is accused of sexually assaulting participated in witchcraft together and even "wed" in a pagan ritual, police said.
Elizabeth Miklosovic, 36, a teacher at South Haven's Baseline Middle School, was arraigned Thursday on a charge of first-degree criminal sexual conduct.
If convicted, Miklosovic faces a maximum sentence of life in prison. She remained jailed Friday on $100,000 bond.
Miklosovic, a seventh-grade language arts teacher, lives with another woman and their adopted son, authorities said. She was placed on leave from her job.
The student told police that she and Miklosovic had about five sexual encounters from June to October in the teacher's home and two parks.
Miklosovic has no previous criminal record in Michigan, state police records show.
Detective Sgt. Diane Oppenheim of the state police post in South Haven said the student — who was described as having emotional problems — came to trust the teacher so much, she agreed to "marry" the woman in a pagan ritual.
"They also participated in witchcraft together," Oppenheim said.
Both Miklosovic and her lawyer declined to comment.
Friday, December 3, 2004
A New Team Member
I would like to introduce a new personality to SS9090. A very good friend who I find to be witty and insightful, will be making a contribution to the blog, whenever he sees fit. I also feel he'll bring a "balance to the force" so to speak. His voice is very different from mine, which is what I like (I think he makes a more descriptive speaker than I). He's also very funny and easy to relate to on a human level. Just, an all-around good guy, and good writer.
So, I'd like to say "Welcome Aboard" to Leroy Zombie!
So, I'd like to say "Welcome Aboard" to Leroy Zombie!
Audioblogger
For some reason I decided to play around with Audioblogger. I don't know, man. I guess it could be useful if you had something to say while you were away from a computer for an extended period of time, but my blog has nothing to really do with my life. I don't talk about my everyday life, unless it has a funny moment. Plus, I think my voice sounds fuckin' STUPID on the phone. I've recorded a few times, and erased it after listening to the playback. In my opinion, the sound quality is not the best, either. It sounds like someone discovered your voice on a phonograph record in their grandma's attic.
Will I ever use it? I don't know, maybe. I'll have to think of a comedic use for it. Or maybe just one time for people to get an idea what I sound like in person. For the moment however, I'm undecided.
Will I ever use it? I don't know, maybe. I'll have to think of a comedic use for it. Or maybe just one time for people to get an idea what I sound like in person. For the moment however, I'm undecided.
Reefer Madness
Smoking pot increases psychosis risk in young people, especially among those who are already vulnerable to psychosis.
That's the conclusion of a study of more than 2,400 German teens and young adults aged 14-24.
Participants' substance use and psychosis symptoms were tracked for about four years. Psychologists interviewed participants at the study's beginning and end.
The research was conducted by experts from Maastricht University in the Netherlands, including Jim van Os, a professor in the university's psychiatry and neuropsychology department. Their study appears in today's edition of BMJ Online First.
At the study's start, 13 percent said they had smoked marijuana at least five times. Four years later, about 17 percent of all participants had had at least one psychotic symptom.
Psychotic symptoms include hallucinations, such as seeing or hearing things that aren't really there, and delusions, which are false beliefs that do not go away with logical or accurate information. Other possible psychotic symptoms are incoherent speech, confused thinking, and strange behavior. The most common psychotic disorder is schizophrenia.
Pot smokers were more likely to have psychotic symptoms than those who didn't smoke pot. The more pot that participants smoked, the greater their chance of having at least one psychotic symptom. The risk held after screening out other influences including alcohol and other drugs.
Pot had "a much stronger effect" on psychotically predisposed participants, say the researchers. People who have a family member with psychotic symptoms are more likely to suffer similar symptoms themselves.
It's not the first time that marijuana has been linked to psychosis. But until now, no one knew which came first -- the psychosis or the pot use. Were participants using pot to soothe their psychological problems?
Probably not, say the researchers. Psychotic predisposition wasn't a good predictor of future pot use, they note.
Youth may be a particularly risky time for pot use.
Puberty is "a vulnerable period" for pot's negative effects, say the researchers, citing studies of lab rats. Pot's active ingredients may interact with brain chemicals to create negative psychological side effects, they say.
In 2002, a study published in the British Medical Journal linked frequent marijuana use at a young age - more than 50 times -- to an increase in schizophrenia later in life. Similar to the current study, this previous research showed that the more pot people smoked, the more likely they were to suffer psychosis.
Another study published in the same issue showed that daily pot smoking as a teen increased the risk of depression as an adult. When that study was released in 2004, researcher Louise Arseneault, PhD, told WebMD that their research suggested that there is a direct causal link between pot smoking and psychological problems that cannot be explained by tendency toward mental illness.
By Miranda Hitti, reviewed by Michael W. Smith , MD
SOURCES: Henquet, C., BMJ Online First, Dec. 1, 2004. News release, BMJ Online First. WebMD Medical Reference provided in collaboration with The Cleveland Clinic: "Psychotic Disorders." WebMD Medical News: "Pot May Cause Depression, Schizophrenia."
That's the conclusion of a study of more than 2,400 German teens and young adults aged 14-24.
Participants' substance use and psychosis symptoms were tracked for about four years. Psychologists interviewed participants at the study's beginning and end.
The research was conducted by experts from Maastricht University in the Netherlands, including Jim van Os, a professor in the university's psychiatry and neuropsychology department. Their study appears in today's edition of BMJ Online First.
At the study's start, 13 percent said they had smoked marijuana at least five times. Four years later, about 17 percent of all participants had had at least one psychotic symptom.
Psychotic symptoms include hallucinations, such as seeing or hearing things that aren't really there, and delusions, which are false beliefs that do not go away with logical or accurate information. Other possible psychotic symptoms are incoherent speech, confused thinking, and strange behavior. The most common psychotic disorder is schizophrenia.
Pot smokers were more likely to have psychotic symptoms than those who didn't smoke pot. The more pot that participants smoked, the greater their chance of having at least one psychotic symptom. The risk held after screening out other influences including alcohol and other drugs.
Pot had "a much stronger effect" on psychotically predisposed participants, say the researchers. People who have a family member with psychotic symptoms are more likely to suffer similar symptoms themselves.
It's not the first time that marijuana has been linked to psychosis. But until now, no one knew which came first -- the psychosis or the pot use. Were participants using pot to soothe their psychological problems?
Probably not, say the researchers. Psychotic predisposition wasn't a good predictor of future pot use, they note.
Youth may be a particularly risky time for pot use.
Puberty is "a vulnerable period" for pot's negative effects, say the researchers, citing studies of lab rats. Pot's active ingredients may interact with brain chemicals to create negative psychological side effects, they say.
In 2002, a study published in the British Medical Journal linked frequent marijuana use at a young age - more than 50 times -- to an increase in schizophrenia later in life. Similar to the current study, this previous research showed that the more pot people smoked, the more likely they were to suffer psychosis.
Another study published in the same issue showed that daily pot smoking as a teen increased the risk of depression as an adult. When that study was released in 2004, researcher Louise Arseneault, PhD, told WebMD that their research suggested that there is a direct causal link between pot smoking and psychological problems that cannot be explained by tendency toward mental illness.
By Miranda Hitti
SOURCES: Henquet, C., BMJ Online First, Dec. 1, 2004. News release, BMJ Online First. WebMD Medical Reference provided in collaboration with The Cleveland Clinic: "Psychotic Disorders." WebMD Medical News: "Pot May Cause Depression, Schizophrenia."
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Wild Boyz!
I was sitting around trying to think of some kind of ridiculous argument to support, when it hit me. Straight guys like gay stuff! Let me explain.
I've noticed during my life as an american male, that most heterosexual men don't like to do anything or participate in any activity that might call their manhood into question. Now, after stating this observation, I've also noticed that these same men choose to entertain themselves with highly homo-erotic programming.
Example no. 1: Pro Football
Now, football itself, is not gay. But, patting another guy on the ass for making a good play is just not necessary. Neither is all the towel snapping in the locker room. Why this isn't gay, I don't know. It sure don't seem straight to me!
Example no 2: Pro Wrestling
I enjoy nothing more than watching a good fake fight, but sometimes it can get a little... gay. Two oiled men pressed together, fighting for dominance over the other. Pin him to the floor, and make him squeeeaaalll like a pig!
Example no 3: The guys on Jackass and Wild Boyz!
I'm sorry, but those guys are all a little gay. I don't get together with my pals, and attach electrodes to their gooches! Or sit around in jock straps trying to lightly tag each other in the dick with golf balls. If that isn't gay... well, that isn't gay. It's just WRONG!
I don't understand it exactly. I think there's some kind of invisible line between gay, and straight-guy public displays of affection. I don't really care, I just thought it might be funny to point out macho men getting all up on each other.
I've noticed during my life as an american male, that most heterosexual men don't like to do anything or participate in any activity that might call their manhood into question. Now, after stating this observation, I've also noticed that these same men choose to entertain themselves with highly homo-erotic programming.
Example no. 1: Pro Football
Now, football itself, is not gay. But, patting another guy on the ass for making a good play is just not necessary. Neither is all the towel snapping in the locker room. Why this isn't gay, I don't know. It sure don't seem straight to me!
Example no 2: Pro Wrestling
I enjoy nothing more than watching a good fake fight, but sometimes it can get a little... gay. Two oiled men pressed together, fighting for dominance over the other. Pin him to the floor, and make him squeeeaaalll like a pig!
Example no 3: The guys on Jackass and Wild Boyz!
I'm sorry, but those guys are all a little gay. I don't get together with my pals, and attach electrodes to their gooches! Or sit around in jock straps trying to lightly tag each other in the dick with golf balls. If that isn't gay... well, that isn't gay. It's just WRONG!
I don't understand it exactly. I think there's some kind of invisible line between gay, and straight-guy public displays of affection. I don't really care, I just thought it might be funny to point out macho men getting all up on each other.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Julia Roberts Gives Birth To Twins
LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Actress Julia Roberts gave birth to twins Sunday morning, her publicist told CNN.
Roberts, who is married to cinematographer Daniel Moder, delivered Hazel Patricia Moder and Phinnaeus Walter Moder at a hospital in Southern California, said Marcy Engleman.
"Mother and babies are doing great," she said.
Roberts, 37, married Moder two years ago.
Roberts was born in Smyrna, Georgia, and attained fame in 1990 for her portrayal of a prostitute in the sentimental romantic comedy "Pretty Woman."
Ten years later, she won the Academy Award for best actress and a Golden Globe for best actress in a drama for her work in "Erin Brockovich." (I love the way this story is written. If you read it out loud to yourself, it sounds like someone at CNN has a sense of humor.)
SS9090 has obtained this exclusive photograph of Julia's son, Phinnaeus
Hazel and Phinnaeus Moder- two more celebrity children scarred for life... at the beginning of their lives! Nice names, Mom (you simple, bitch)!
Roberts, who is married to cinematographer Daniel Moder, delivered Hazel Patricia Moder and Phinnaeus Walter Moder at a hospital in Southern California, said Marcy Engleman.
"Mother and babies are doing great," she said.
Roberts, 37, married Moder two years ago.
Roberts was born in Smyrna, Georgia, and attained fame in 1990 for her portrayal of a prostitute in the sentimental romantic comedy "Pretty Woman."
Ten years later, she won the Academy Award for best actress and a Golden Globe for best actress in a drama for her work in "Erin Brockovich." (I love the way this story is written. If you read it out loud to yourself, it sounds like someone at CNN has a sense of humor.)
SS9090 has obtained this exclusive photograph of Julia's son, Phinnaeus
Hazel and Phinnaeus Moder- two more celebrity children scarred for life... at the beginning of their lives! Nice names, Mom (you simple, bitch)!
Sunday, November 28, 2004
My Profile Picture
It's funny how "christ-like" you can look by tracing over a picture in Paint! Although, I've never looked more Mexican than this (which, I am not). It's also amazing what can be accomplished by a person during a period of sheer boredom!
Saturday, November 27, 2004
VH1's Most Cheesetastic Video Tricks Revealed
VH1 goes to the film library to make yet another List Show. Just when I think they've done it all, they pull out a Heavy Metal List Show (Metal on VH1? Why?), or their 80s Retrosexual List Show. If your too young to reminise about Tom Selleck, then you've always got Best Week Ever (Hey remember how popular that movie was... last weekend?!).
Here is a breakdown of the first three hours of Cheesetastic programming, which starts tonight, Saturday 10/9c.
Hip Hop Rules (Hour 1)
52 Hundred Pick Up
Artists throw their money in the air like they just don't care.
LL Cool J "Head Sprung"
Lloyd Banks "I'm So Fly"
Missy Elliot "Work It"
Mase "Feels So Good"
Jermaine Dupri "Money Ain't A Thing"
Angry Face
Rappers put on an "angry face" ... to show how tough they are!
Ice Cube "Natural Born Killers"
Snoop Dog "Lay Low"
Xzibit "X"
DMX "What's My Name"
Scarface
Artists pay homage to their favorite Al Pacino flick.
Big Pun "I'm Not A Player"
Fat Joe "Don Cartegena"
Nas "The World Is Yours"
Mobb Deep "It's Mine"
Video Vixen Rules (Hour 2)
Slo-Mo Hair
Girls flip their locks in that oh-so-sexy manner.
White Stripes "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself"
No Doubt "Underneath It All"
Jermain Dupri "Money Ain't A Thing"
Hot Girls On Cars
What's hotter than a video vixen? A video vixen writhing on top of an expensive car!
Warrant "Cherry Pie"
White Snake "Here I Go Again"
Bowling Soup "1985"
The Pole Dance
The classic stripper dance always adds a dash of sexiness.
Dr. Dre "The Next Episode"
Fountains of Wayne "Stacy's Mom"
White Stripes "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself"
Mötley Crüe "Girls, Girls, Girls"
Drummer Rules (Hour 3)
The Mug
Drummers make their funniest faces once they get their close up.
Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
Aerosmith "Dude Looks Like A Lady"
Stick Twirl
Take advantage of your camera time and twirl those sticks!
Mötley Crüe "Home Sweet Home"
Tom Petty "Into the Great Wide Open"
Bon Jovi "Livin' on A Prayer"
Drum Fillings
Drums look so boring on TV, so fill 'em with liquid, powder, or whatever you got!
J. Geils Band "Angel In A Centerfold"
Poison "I Want Action"
Samantha Fox "Touch Me"
Warrant "Cherry Pie
Personally, I think VH1 is really reaching here to fill airtime. I mean, come on, drum filling?! Who the hell has done that since the death of Hair Metal?! Actually, they always exaggerate on their List Shows, like calling hugely popular songs "awesomely bad" simply because it's become dated ( FYI: that's gonna happen when a pop song hits a decade). How sad and snobbish, in my opinion... of course, I'll watch this list anyway (I'm a sellout).
Here is a breakdown of the first three hours of Cheesetastic programming, which starts tonight, Saturday 10/9c.
Hip Hop Rules (Hour 1)
52 Hundred Pick Up
Artists throw their money in the air like they just don't care.
LL Cool J "Head Sprung"
Lloyd Banks "I'm So Fly"
Missy Elliot "Work It"
Mase "Feels So Good"
Jermaine Dupri "Money Ain't A Thing"
Angry Face
Rappers put on an "angry face" ... to show how tough they are!
Ice Cube "Natural Born Killers"
Snoop Dog "Lay Low"
Xzibit "X"
DMX "What's My Name"
Scarface
Artists pay homage to their favorite Al Pacino flick.
Big Pun "I'm Not A Player"
Fat Joe "Don Cartegena"
Nas "The World Is Yours"
Mobb Deep "It's Mine"
Video Vixen Rules (Hour 2)
Slo-Mo Hair
Girls flip their locks in that oh-so-sexy manner.
White Stripes "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself"
No Doubt "Underneath It All"
Jermain Dupri "Money Ain't A Thing"
Hot Girls On Cars
What's hotter than a video vixen? A video vixen writhing on top of an expensive car!
Warrant "Cherry Pie"
White Snake "Here I Go Again"
Bowling Soup "1985"
The Pole Dance
The classic stripper dance always adds a dash of sexiness.
Dr. Dre "The Next Episode"
Fountains of Wayne "Stacy's Mom"
White Stripes "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself"
Mötley Crüe "Girls, Girls, Girls"
Drummer Rules (Hour 3)
The Mug
Drummers make their funniest faces once they get their close up.
Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar On Me"
Aerosmith "Dude Looks Like A Lady"
Stick Twirl
Take advantage of your camera time and twirl those sticks!
Mötley Crüe "Home Sweet Home"
Tom Petty "Into the Great Wide Open"
Bon Jovi "Livin' on A Prayer"
Drum Fillings
Drums look so boring on TV, so fill 'em with liquid, powder, or whatever you got!
J. Geils Band "Angel In A Centerfold"
Poison "I Want Action"
Samantha Fox "Touch Me"
Warrant "Cherry Pie
Personally, I think VH1 is really reaching here to fill airtime. I mean, come on, drum filling?! Who the hell has done that since the death of Hair Metal?! Actually, they always exaggerate on their List Shows, like calling hugely popular songs "awesomely bad" simply because it's become dated ( FYI: that's gonna happen when a pop song hits a decade). How sad and snobbish, in my opinion... of course, I'll watch this list anyway (I'm a sellout).
California Neighbors Feud Over Christmas Display
'Tis the season...
Some folks love the Holidays way too much, and others despise them too much, also. I saw this story while chillin' on the web, and thought it was kind of cute, in a "bad made-for-television Disney channel-style family comedy" kind of way.
Some folks love the Holidays way too much, and others despise them too much, also. I saw this story while chillin' on the web, and thought it was kind of cute, in a "bad made-for-television Disney channel-style family comedy" kind of way.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Black Friday
The day after Thanksgiving is the day that I sleep off my turkey and stuffing dinner, then watch some terrible basic cable television. (I enjoyed the American Chopper marathon yesterday. Paul Sr. is such a hard-ass, and don't get me started about the hilarious hijinx of his son, Mikey!) For others, however, it's the day that "Consumer Retardation" sets in. Below is a tale of horror for most men who are as self-absorbed as me. Read at your own caution.
Americans storm the nation's shops on Friday after Thanksgiving Day marking the traditional start of the holiday shopping season, lured by cut-price toys and discounted consumer electronics.
FACT: Thanksgiving-to-Christmas holiday shopping season accounts for 23 percent of annual retail sales.
By the time a Wal-Mart store in the Buffalo, N.Y. suburb of Hamburg opened its doors at 6 a.m., 1,000 people had formed a lined that spanned the entire store front, despite temperatures of 31 degrees.
"It's our tradition," said Ruth Pompeo, of Lackawanna, N.Y, who was up at 3 a.m. and in line by 4:30 a.m. with her 11-year-old niece Shelby Strack. "I don't know what I'm here to grab, actually, " she said. "Whatever I can."
Many of the early bird specials on hot items were in short supply, however. At another Wal-Mart store in Alpharetta, Ga., just north of Atlanta, a supply of discounted Video Now personal video players sold out in just 12 minutes.
That's why many shoppers mapped out a strategy to get the most coveted bargains.
"The deals are better this early in the morning," said Karen Dawkins, from Cayce, S.C., who was at a Toys R Us store in Columbia, S.C. and was almost done with her buying shortly after 6 a.m. "I have my mother at Circuit City and my sister at Target ...so we have people stationed at other stores."
She added, "We all got together after Thanksgiving dinner and got the ads and made a list."
Debbie Redmon of Thayer, Mo., set her alarm for 3:20 a.m. but woke up at 3 a.m., ready to take advantage of bargain shopping in Little Rock, Ark.
"I guess the adrenaline was flowing," she said.
She and daughter-in-law Kerri Littleton of Benton, Ark., hit the same places in Little Rock every year: BestBuy, then Kohl's, Staples, then Sports Authority.
Things weren't going as well in the cold and rainy Midwest. In Bismarck, N.D., only about 100 people were in line at Wal-Mart by 4:30 a.m., a half hour before opening, compared with several hundred last year.
Many of the Wal-Mart shoppers said they wanted to by a 24-inch flat-screen Symphonic television, on sale for $139.92.
"Video games and movies are the No. 1 seller with a lots of new games out this year," said Patrick Gates, senior vice president of e-commerce at America Online, a unit of Time Warner Inc.
Yahoo! Shopping said the top items sought on its site were digital cameras, running shoes and IPods, but home furnishings and apparel were in more demand than a year ago.
Retailers' efforts last year to get shoppers to buy early worked.
During the 2003 holiday shopping season, the busiest day was the Friday after Thanksgiving, instead of the last Saturday before Christmas, which was the second busiest day, according to the International Council of Shopping Centers. That reversed a trend seen over the last ten years, when the busiest day was the Saturday before Christmas, according to Mike Niemira, chief economist at the industry group.
Americans storm the nation's shops on Friday after Thanksgiving Day marking the traditional start of the holiday shopping season, lured by cut-price toys and discounted consumer electronics.
FACT: Thanksgiving-to-Christmas holiday shopping season accounts for 23 percent of annual retail sales.
By the time a Wal-Mart store in the Buffalo, N.Y. suburb of Hamburg opened its doors at 6 a.m., 1,000 people had formed a lined that spanned the entire store front, despite temperatures of 31 degrees.
"It's our tradition," said Ruth Pompeo, of Lackawanna, N.Y, who was up at 3 a.m. and in line by 4:30 a.m. with her 11-year-old niece Shelby Strack. "I don't know what I'm here to grab, actually, " she said. "Whatever I can."
Many of the early bird specials on hot items were in short supply, however. At another Wal-Mart store in Alpharetta, Ga., just north of Atlanta, a supply of discounted Video Now personal video players sold out in just 12 minutes.
That's why many shoppers mapped out a strategy to get the most coveted bargains.
"The deals are better this early in the morning," said Karen Dawkins, from Cayce, S.C., who was at a Toys R Us store in Columbia, S.C. and was almost done with her buying shortly after 6 a.m. "I have my mother at Circuit City and my sister at Target ...so we have people stationed at other stores."
She added, "We all got together after Thanksgiving dinner and got the ads and made a list."
Debbie Redmon of Thayer, Mo., set her alarm for 3:20 a.m. but woke up at 3 a.m., ready to take advantage of bargain shopping in Little Rock, Ark.
"I guess the adrenaline was flowing," she said.
She and daughter-in-law Kerri Littleton of Benton, Ark., hit the same places in Little Rock every year: BestBuy, then Kohl's, Staples, then Sports Authority.
Things weren't going as well in the cold and rainy Midwest. In Bismarck, N.D., only about 100 people were in line at Wal-Mart by 4:30 a.m., a half hour before opening, compared with several hundred last year.
Many of the Wal-Mart shoppers said they wanted to by a 24-inch flat-screen Symphonic television, on sale for $139.92.
"Video games and movies are the No. 1 seller with a lots of new games out this year," said Patrick Gates, senior vice president of e-commerce at America Online, a unit of Time Warner Inc.
Yahoo! Shopping said the top items sought on its site were digital cameras, running shoes and IPods, but home furnishings and apparel were in more demand than a year ago.
Retailers' efforts last year to get shoppers to buy early worked.
During the 2003 holiday shopping season, the busiest day was the Friday after Thanksgiving, instead of the last Saturday before Christmas, which was the second busiest day, according to the International Council of Shopping Centers. That reversed a trend seen over the last ten years, when the busiest day was the Saturday before Christmas, according to Mike Niemira, chief economist at the industry group.
WWE 24/7
I've been saying they should create an all-pro-wrestling channel for years! I guess somebody else felt the same way because now there's WWE 24/7.
Some of the current guys on WWE's Monday Night Raw on Spike TV
World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has recently launched the first Professional Wrestling cable channel. It's only available on digital cable, and runs programming from WWE, WWF, WCW, NWA, and ECW film libraries. There's also supposed to be original programming like Hall Of Fame shows, etc.
Maybe, I'll quit being so cheap and get digital cable now? Of course, that would mean my local cable company actually picks it up, which would surprise me entirely.I am a very avid Pro Wrestling fan myself. (Yes, I know it's fake. I watch it for the athletic exhibition, and crazy late night soap opera storylines. If you don't get it, you just don't get it.) If I could, I would be very content to watch grown men in their underwear beat each other senseless 24 hours a day! (That last sentence sounded kind of weird. I meant that in the most masculine way possible... like a viking!)
note: Vikings were actually so vain they preferred to have sex with each other, instead of with the women. Hmm, interesting. Let me call my Therapist, I'm getting confused.
Some of the current guys on WWE's Monday Night Raw on Spike TV
World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has recently launched the first Professional Wrestling cable channel. It's only available on digital cable, and runs programming from WWE, WWF, WCW, NWA, and ECW film libraries. There's also supposed to be original programming like Hall Of Fame shows, etc.
Maybe, I'll quit being so cheap and get digital cable now? Of course, that would mean my local cable company actually picks it up, which would surprise me entirely.I am a very avid Pro Wrestling fan myself. (Yes, I know it's fake. I watch it for the athletic exhibition, and crazy late night soap opera storylines. If you don't get it, you just don't get it.) If I could, I would be very content to watch grown men in their underwear beat each other senseless 24 hours a day! (That last sentence sounded kind of weird. I meant that in the most masculine way possible... like a viking!)
note: Vikings were actually so vain they preferred to have sex with each other, instead of with the women. Hmm, interesting. Let me call my Therapist, I'm getting confused.
Some new additions to SS9090
Well, Thanksgiving is now sadly behind us, but the leftovers will last a lifetime. My refrigerator is completely filled with all the essentials to make myself meals for days. I suppose I don't actually need so much food, but what else am I going to do with? Send it to Somalia?! (laughs for ten minutes and sighs)
And since we're in the season to give thanks, I decided it was time to give thanks for the many blogs out there that I read and entertain me so much. You'll notice on the righthand sidebar in the Blogs, Livejournals, Etc. section that there are some new faces. No Milk Please, Shut Up Ed, and Thoughts Of Mike. I find all three of these guys to be clever writers, entertaining personalities, and "better than the average blogger".
Which is also how I feel about my first Blog link, Kirk's Blog: My So-Called Strife. I believe Kirk's blog actually already has links to a couple of these blogs, but I don't because I'm so damned lazy. (actually, Kirk has more Blog links than I have Blog Entries!)
Also, a new addition to the Blog is my latest entry into the Hall Of Fame. The Marx Bros.
(click to enlarge)
(top to bottom)Chico, Harpo, Groucho, and Zeppo Marx
I shouldn't have to say why they're Hall of Famers because if you don't know why... well, I just can't help you with that. I have plans for some more Hall Of Famers but haven't made my "final cuts" just yet. There are just too many people who have had a remarkable impact on pop culture, so it isn't easy.
So, after saying all that, I fully encourage all my readers, Bloggers and Bloggettes out there to check out these other MVP Bloggers.
And since we're in the season to give thanks, I decided it was time to give thanks for the many blogs out there that I read and entertain me so much. You'll notice on the righthand sidebar in the Blogs, Livejournals, Etc. section that there are some new faces. No Milk Please, Shut Up Ed, and Thoughts Of Mike. I find all three of these guys to be clever writers, entertaining personalities, and "better than the average blogger".
Which is also how I feel about my first Blog link, Kirk's Blog: My So-Called Strife. I believe Kirk's blog actually already has links to a couple of these blogs, but I don't because I'm so damned lazy. (actually, Kirk has more Blog links than I have Blog Entries!)
Also, a new addition to the Blog is my latest entry into the Hall Of Fame. The Marx Bros.
(click to enlarge)
(top to bottom)Chico, Harpo, Groucho, and Zeppo Marx
I shouldn't have to say why they're Hall of Famers because if you don't know why... well, I just can't help you with that. I have plans for some more Hall Of Famers but haven't made my "final cuts" just yet. There are just too many people who have had a remarkable impact on pop culture, so it isn't easy.
So, after saying all that, I fully encourage all my readers, Bloggers and Bloggettes out there to check out these other MVP Bloggers.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Food For The Holidays
Man! I love Thanksgiving sooo much! It's of course, the day of the year where we celebrate the spirit of Chris Farley, and John Candy, by trying to look like them by the end of dinner. Seriously though, I truly believe Thanksgiving is strictly a national excuse to become a big fat sweaty pig without any guilt. I can't say that I don't become one myself, but at least I admit what I'm doing... stuffing my face for the sheer pleasure of it.
A Small Scene...
Mom: You know what Thanksgiving is about right, Mikey?
(Mikey, a 165 lb. eight year-old rips another leg off the turkey)
Mikey: It's about eating Turkey, right Mom?
Mom: No, silly. It's about the Pilgrims and Indians, and giving thanks.
(Mikey laughs maniacly from his specially reinforced chair, Reminiscant of Jabba the Hut)
Mikey: Oh Mom! You make me laugh, you crazy bitch!
(Mikey burps up a license plate, and drinks another glass of gravy)
Sometimes, the food is so good that when I take a bite of turkey, I cum at the dinner table.
"Aw, god! Aw, yeah! Someone give me a tissue... for my penis that is." Just kidding. But honestly, I hope most people don't go overboard. Like when guys unbuckle their pants, or say "I feel sleepy now, I need to take a nap."
Fat Fuckers.
That goes for me, too!
A Small Scene...
Mom: You know what Thanksgiving is about right, Mikey?
(Mikey, a 165 lb. eight year-old rips another leg off the turkey)
Mikey: It's about eating Turkey, right Mom?
Mom: No, silly. It's about the Pilgrims and Indians, and giving thanks.
(Mikey laughs maniacly from his specially reinforced chair, Reminiscant of Jabba the Hut)
Mikey: Oh Mom! You make me laugh, you crazy bitch!
(Mikey burps up a license plate, and drinks another glass of gravy)
Sometimes, the food is so good that when I take a bite of turkey, I cum at the dinner table.
"Aw, god! Aw, yeah! Someone give me a tissue... for my penis that is." Just kidding. But honestly, I hope most people don't go overboard. Like when guys unbuckle their pants, or say "I feel sleepy now, I need to take a nap."
Fat Fuckers.
That goes for me, too!
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Brawny Paper Towel Man
(Why did so many late 70s - mid 80s TV shows have that ugly yellow font for their title sequences?)
I was watching VH1's 80s Retrosexual today, and was reminded of the awesome power of Tom Selleck's facial hair (one of Hollywood's greatest mustaches). I remember how my Dad rocked the "Magnum P.I." look back in the day, with amazing success. Just thought I'd pay a small tribute to an era of "wholesome sleaziness" no longer attempted. Maybe someday we'll see it return... but I doubt it.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
This Week In Sports!
Indiana-Detroit Brawl
Ron Artest benched for the rest of the season
Things sure have changed from when I was a kid, and Michael Jordan was playing. Nowadays, the players in the NBA will give you more than autograph! They'll give you a scar with a folding chair! I heard on the radio that more than half the active players in the NBA right now are convicted felons. I don't know how accurate that statement is, but if it's anywhere near close, things are getting pretty sad.
Then the Players League says that the punishments were too harsh! I thought they were lucky to be allowed to keep their jobs. I really shouldn't complain since I don't remember the last time I watched an entire NBA game anyway. The game has gotten kinda boring to watch the last couple of years, so maybe they should add halftime fistfights to spice things up.
Ron Artest also has a CD coming out which he describes as "love songs". As I watched Artest try to break the face of a Pistons fan with his knuckles, I thought to myself "He should do an album of love songs... he's so full of passion!"
Ron Artest benched for the rest of the season
Things sure have changed from when I was a kid, and Michael Jordan was playing. Nowadays, the players in the NBA will give you more than autograph! They'll give you a scar with a folding chair! I heard on the radio that more than half the active players in the NBA right now are convicted felons. I don't know how accurate that statement is, but if it's anywhere near close, things are getting pretty sad.
Then the Players League says that the punishments were too harsh! I thought they were lucky to be allowed to keep their jobs. I really shouldn't complain since I don't remember the last time I watched an entire NBA game anyway. The game has gotten kinda boring to watch the last couple of years, so maybe they should add halftime fistfights to spice things up.
Ron Artest also has a CD coming out which he describes as "love songs". As I watched Artest try to break the face of a Pistons fan with his knuckles, I thought to myself "He should do an album of love songs... he's so full of passion!"
Monday, November 22, 2004
Thanksgiving or Christmas: The Prequel?
Well, folks... Thanksgiving is almost here. And I can't help but notice a disturbing trend. It's something that's crept up on all of us, and it's gotten worse over the past few years. It's the early full frontal assault of Christmas. We haven't even had "Turkey Day" yet, and it feels like Santa Claus has been here since the kids went back to school! I saw plastic reindeer and ugly baby jesus' at Wal-Mart before Halloween for God's sake!
Now, I have nothing against Christmas(It's actually my favorite time of year), but this is getting out of hand. I remember a time when people didn't even think about Thanksgiving until the day after Halloween. No one thought about all the crazy decorations and over-priced shopping that is Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Not anymore! I don't know what's stupider, stores selling this shit at this time of year, or the assholes who must be buying it?
Maybe I'm just too sentimental? Maybe I shouldn't complain so much? Whatever, man. It just shows how ridiculous we've gotten in this country. I love it, and I'm not gonna leave it, but I WILL NOT be putting up any stockings, or lights until I've had my turkey, and stuffing(Stove Top stuffing, mmm). I WILL NOT be getting an ugly-ass Santa Claus for the lawn before Halloween!
I don't care how hard Ol' Saint Nick tries to FUCK my jack o' lantern. Or how hard he tries to artifically inseminate my turkey. I won't bow down to this retarded shit. In fact, if I ever run into Santa on the street, I'll shove a candy cane up his ass sideways, and make him walk through my local mall so he can see what he's done to the world I live in!
Now, I have nothing against Christmas(It's actually my favorite time of year), but this is getting out of hand. I remember a time when people didn't even think about Thanksgiving until the day after Halloween. No one thought about all the crazy decorations and over-priced shopping that is Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Not anymore! I don't know what's stupider, stores selling this shit at this time of year, or the assholes who must be buying it?
Maybe I'm just too sentimental? Maybe I shouldn't complain so much? Whatever, man. It just shows how ridiculous we've gotten in this country. I love it, and I'm not gonna leave it, but I WILL NOT be putting up any stockings, or lights until I've had my turkey, and stuffing(Stove Top stuffing, mmm). I WILL NOT be getting an ugly-ass Santa Claus for the lawn before Halloween!
I don't care how hard Ol' Saint Nick tries to FUCK my jack o' lantern. Or how hard he tries to artifically inseminate my turkey. I won't bow down to this retarded shit. In fact, if I ever run into Santa on the street, I'll shove a candy cane up his ass sideways, and make him walk through my local mall so he can see what he's done to the world I live in!
Friday, November 19, 2004
What the Hell Happened to Me?!
Man, I don't know! I used to be a machine, able to a write a full and enjoyable post in a mere matter of minutes. A picture of a retarded kid and a snappy one-liner, some story on the news about someone getting arrested for beastiality and my own insight about the love between man and beast, or just a short story about a boy having his period. All classic material, I haven't lived up to recently, in my own opinion. Lately, I haven't been on in days. I haven't even really tried to put anything new on here since Monday! I've become a mass of laziness, and a shell of my former glory. I've gotten fat and high off my fame and started wearing sequined jump suits, shooting out televisions with my gold plated revolvers (oh, wait that's Elvis. My bad).
This is the part where I make excuses for myself, if you don't want to hear my lame reasons for not updating, please skip this paragraph now. Now... my job lately has been insane! I work as a land surveyor (one of those morons on the side of the road looking through a telescope at another moron, and not someone who calls you at dinner asking you questions about how you feel about the President). I've been sent to small towns to do work on new waterline layouts, and to work locally on a construction site for a 26 story condo, which some of the construction workers say they wouldn't even walk in when it's done because of all the mistakes being made in the foundation (e-mail me if you ever stay in Panama City Beach, FL - so I can tell which hotel not to stay in). Not to mention, that I'm out of the town this weekend at my Sister-in-laws, where I don't have all my usual weapons of mass blogging at my disposal (I'm typing this at her house right now).
And on top of that, we have... THE HOLIDAYS!!! I love Thanksgiving and Christmas, but family will drive you crazy this time of year. My Mother-in-law actually gave my Wife her Christmas present to hang on to, and wrap for herself for Christmas (I wouldn't try to make sense of it or your head might explode). Plus the woman can't cook very well, but insists that we have Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at her house, but my Wife (who CAN cook) will be preparing most of the food!
Oh GOD, in heaven... when I finally meet you face-to-face, you better have some answers!
This is the part where I make excuses for myself, if you don't want to hear my lame reasons for not updating, please skip this paragraph now. Now... my job lately has been insane! I work as a land surveyor (one of those morons on the side of the road looking through a telescope at another moron, and not someone who calls you at dinner asking you questions about how you feel about the President). I've been sent to small towns to do work on new waterline layouts, and to work locally on a construction site for a 26 story condo, which some of the construction workers say they wouldn't even walk in when it's done because of all the mistakes being made in the foundation (e-mail me if you ever stay in Panama City Beach, FL - so I can tell which hotel not to stay in). Not to mention, that I'm out of the town this weekend at my Sister-in-laws, where I don't have all my usual weapons of mass blogging at my disposal (I'm typing this at her house right now).
And on top of that, we have... THE HOLIDAYS!!! I love Thanksgiving and Christmas, but family will drive you crazy this time of year. My Mother-in-law actually gave my Wife her Christmas present to hang on to, and wrap for herself for Christmas (I wouldn't try to make sense of it or your head might explode). Plus the woman can't cook very well, but insists that we have Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at her house, but my Wife (who CAN cook) will be preparing most of the food!
Oh GOD, in heaven... when I finally meet you face-to-face, you better have some answers!
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