Foods That Are Your God: Peanut Butter

That's right. Peanut butter is your GOD.



Why? Because it's fucking PEANUT BUTTER! Seriously, is there any food so versatile?



There's never NOT a good time for peanut butter! You can put it on crackers! You can put it on sandwiches! You can put it on waffles! You can put it on your boyfriend's penis!



It goes great with ANYTHING!



Plus, it comes in different kinds! You have creamy and crunchy peanut butter! Holy SHIT, peanut butter is what American is truly about: freedom of choice!



You get to choose whether or not you want peanut butter that's smooth and creamy... or hard and crunchy! It all depends on your mood!



Bow to peanut butter, asshole, for it saves your life everyday!



Seriously, what would street bums, couch potatoes, and college drop-ins do without their 6-pound tubs of peanut butter?



One thing, though. If you don't eat Peter Pan Peanut Butter, then you're obviously worshipping satan. JIF is NOT the most recommended brand... trust me on this. Those commercials are just demons trying to possess you with their god awful butter of peanut. Peter Pan will save you.



All hail peanut butter!



-LZ



P.S. - This was so pointless. I'm going to kill myself now.