Here's a Package to Unwrap

So, uh, I'm Leroy Zombie. Norrin is making me do this. He has me locked in his basement, all he lets me eat is goat cheese and sauer kraut. Please GOD send somebody to help me, he touches me in sexual wa-



Brian David Mitchell sings during a hearing Friday.



SALT LAKE CITY (Dec. 3) - A judge ordered a new round competency evaluations in the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping case Friday after the suspect broke out in a Christmas hymn at a court hearing.



Judge Judith Atherton's order came after Brian David Mitchell closed his eyes and sang, "Oh come, oh come, Immanuel," the name he used as a street preacher.



After about 40 seconds of the tune, the judge ordered Mitchell from the courtroom.

"That's enough, Mr. Mitchell, but that's great," she said. "He sings well."



Mitchell's lawyers said he had grown increasingly delusional in jail since September, when the judge declared him competent after seven months of dueling evaluations.



The judge said she was impatient with defense efforts to delay trial but set the competency hearings for Jan. 6-7. She said the trial will begin as planned on Feb. 1.



Mitchell, a self-proclaimed prophet, has pleaded not guilty to kidnapping and other charges in the knifepoint abduction of Elizabeth from her bedroom in 2002, when she was 14.



Mitchell's lawyers declined to take questions from reporters outside court Friday.



Prosecutors did not oppose the new hearings but said the song didn't convince them that Mitchell was unfit for trial.



"That indicates odd behavior, but all criminal behavior is odd," Deputy District Attorney Kent Morgan said outside court.



Mitchell and his wife, Wanda Barzee, were charged after they were found with Elizabeth along a suburban street in March 2003. The girl was allegedly taken into the foothills near the home, sexually assaulted and kept as Mitchell's second wife.



Along with kidnapping, Mitchell and Barzee face charges of aggravated sexual assault, aggravated burglary and conspiracy.



Barzee has been twice deemed incompetent to stand trial and is undergoing treatment at a state mental hospital. She is scheduled for reevaluation in August.



According to court documents, Mitchell says a "revelation from God" motivated him to take Elizabeth.



~~~~~~~

So this guy gets exactly what he wants by getting in the Christmas spirit? Man, that must be the life. I wish I could get whatever I wanted by singing Frosty the Snowman.



I bet Scott Peterson wishes he thought of this first. He might have gotten the "innocent" ruling had he broke out a rousing rendition of Jingle Bell Rock!



Or not. I could be wrong.



Something tells me that this "revelation from God" that Mitchell heard is really just him overhearing God singing in the shower. And what the hell kind of name is "Barzee" anyway? What? Is that Polish?



Wait, if God sings in the shower... what does he read when he's on the crapper?



The Odyssey? No, too old-fashioned...



The King James Bible? Who reads a book about themselves? Not like it'll tell him anything he doesn't already know.



Harry Potter? Of course! That has to be it! Who doesn't love reading about the kooky adventures of that wily little wizard?!



...Man, that's deep.



-LZ