Blackouts... or as Dave Attell, likes to say,"Time Travel". They occur when you drink much more alcohol than you needed to drink in one sitting. I'm sure the fact I've blacked-out isn't a surprise after reading about "projectile vomit", but it's a part of my eclectic background of self-destruction.
Three times, That's all. That's the number of times I've blacked-out(or at least the number of times, I've been told). Each incident is completely different, and took place at least a year a part from each other. None of them were much fun... well, maybe the last one was a little fun.
Blackout #1:
This incident took place at Leslie's house, and also involved Colt 45 Double Malt liquor 40s(I was going through a gutter-lifestyle phase, is my only explanation). I drank three of the aforementioned beverages in about, oh... 40 minutes. I had been sitting in a chair, in the corner the entire night drinking. After drinking the nasty-ass 40s, however, I needed to bow to the "porcelain god". Now, I remember standing up. I remember going in the bathroom. I even remember sitting on the toilet, vomiting on the floor, passing out for about an hour with the door locked, and waking up to the sound of people telling me to open the door. After finally reaching up and unlocking the knob, I came out moaning like the undead(which I kinda was), and crawling on all fours. Embarrassing? Kind of. Typical? Yes.
I also, remember someone coming in the front door as I was crawling passed it and damned-near knocking me out(everyone loved telling that part of the story the next day). But, what I don't recall is the speech I gave. Apparently, before walking into the bathroom to half-explode and fall on the floor, I told all those in attendance how we all need to "get along, man" and "just chill out, man" because "we're all here to have a good time, man". Pathetic, huh?
Everyone, I was told, just stared at me since they were all stoned and not talking, let alone fighting, in the first place! I wish I had the moment on film so I could see myself preaching.
Blackout#2:
This moment was kind of scary to me. It's the only time I've done something while I was drunk and wished I hadn't. Matt, Freddy, Tony L.(not Tony R. from my previous post), and myself went out to the campgrounds(all these stories are from Western Maryland, by the way). We had a roaring good time! Drugs, Booze, Music, Fighting, vomiting, etc.
The next morning, when I crawled out of my tent with the taste of beer and cigarettes in my mouth, I notice something in our bonfire. When I got up close to it, I realized it was melted plastic, all over the wood. I asked Freddy what had happened, and he said,"Someone threw all the plastic bags in the fire,". I looked at him kind of puzzled and asked him,"What bags?". He pointed to a broken park lock box on a post which read PLEASE TAKE A BAG TO TAKE YOUR TRASH WITH YOU. The box had a small lock on the side, but the door had been ripped off it's hindges. That's when I asked,"What asshole would do something like that!?". Freddy spoke as soon as I stopped, and stated,"You did! We yelled for you to stop, but you wouldn't listen. You threw them all in, man,". Again, pathetic.
Now, I don't mind passing out at someone's house or blacking-out and saying something dumb, but burning things is a little ridiculous and scary to me. Plus, I was wasted! I could've staggered and fell in, and burned my stupid ass pretty good.
Blackout#3:
This one is pretty lame, but also pretty harmless. I got drunk on gin and juice(because no one else would drink the gin, so I had a bottle to myself), and peach shnappes(because it's like liquid candy, I don't give a f*ck as long as it will give me a buzz). I remember I was there with Matt, Freddy, and two girls I can't recall having human names. The girls were not diggin' the peach shnappes. As one girl put it,"Get away! You smell like a f*ckin' peach!" I couldn't argue that point.
Later that night I would puke all over some chid's room(we were at Matt's Sister's house while she was out of town), and have my friends roll me over, so I wouldn't die. The next day consisted of McDonald's hamburgers and slow healing. I was told however, that I had done something the night before that I couldn't recollect. It seems that the girls were drunk and acting wild. They decided to go out in the middle of the street(the main street in town) and take a piss in the middle of the road. And who was standing right next to them in the middle of the street watching closely? Yeah, this loser! Apparently, me and the girls were on the same page, where as my friends Matt and Freddy thought better of it.(This story also reminds me off a story where we were at a field party and a girl said she had to piss. Her friend said piss right here, we're in a field. The girl said OK, and squatted, and pissed. She just happened to forget to pull her pants down. She pissed herself!)
Three stories of sorriness! Enjoy. Believe me, I have more.
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