Wednesday, August 4, 2004

The Adventures of God-Man and Jesus-Boy!

When I masturbate I cry uncontrollably. I think it's because my religion tells me that masturbation is a sin and is considered self-abuse. I want to please my Lord and savior, but my penis told me he IS my Lord and savior, and that if I don't listen to him I'll be damned to an eternity without vagina. My Pastor tells me that my penis is a false prophet, but I'm not sure. Lately I think my penis has been trying to convince me otherwise. He's been wearing a robe and grown his hair out, much like Jesus himself. When I question his motives, he slaps me and calls me a "nonbeliever". What am I to do in this situation? Until I figure it out, I guess I'll just continue to cry like a 5 year old girl lost in the mall, whenever I massage my genitals.

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