I was doing fine until recently. I don't know where to take my inner apathy right now, so I suppose I'm occupying it right now.
It still feels more like an excercise to keep my eyes and ears in this space, than something of expression, but I really can't say that I know what this is suppose to feel like, it's new to me. I DO know that I don't like it, and I wish it would go away like some kind of smoke in the wind, but that's not going to happen until the flames go out. Which is the strangest part... I sometimes feel like I don't want it to go out. Because in a way the agony of it keeps me close to her. She gave me this pain because I loved her so much with all my heart, and I don't want to let go of it. I don't want to let go of her. I miss her. I need her.
I'm not sure if I can explain it to someone who hasn't felt it.
I apologize for my melodramatic words, but their as close to the truth as I can reach with words at the moment. Tomorrow is a new day, and I 'll try again.
No comments:
Post a Comment