I tried to hook my nephew-in-law up with a job. Survey Department can't seem to find a single person to answer the classified ad we've had in the paper for months. So, I figured what the hell, he's not working at the moment, maybe I could hook him up.
Well, as it turned out they decided to hire him, he just needed to take a urine test. Unfortunately, my nephew-in-law is an avid user of the mary jane. Which, isn't the biggest deal in the world considering that there are several guys in the company that have known reputations. The only difference being those guys have already passed their initial drug test.
So, my nephew-in-law politely asks,"Can I score some of your piss?"
Uh... let me see... no.
Sorry friends, but I'm not going to urinate into a condom and attempt to tie a knot in it like some kind of f-ed up water balloon! I'm a flexible and accommodating fella, but I have limits, people!
Long story short, he tried to cheat the test sans my pee donation, and he failed. In fact, he failed miserably. My boss came into my office and shut the door. I said what's up? And proceeded to tell me that C****'s drug test came back and that it was "hot". I asked how hot, and he gestured to toward the Christmas stocking I still had in my office and said,"about that hot right there."
I think I got a little too much pleasure in telling C**** over the phone that he was finished. But you know what, I felt entitled to my slight pleasure because I did someone a favor, and I was then asked to compromise myself and what I've worked for.
So let this be a lesson to you, boys and girls. Cheaters never win, and potheads never get off the couch.
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