Host: Hey there, everybody. And welcome to the new game show that's sweeping the nation!
Audience: "Please! Fuck Me!"
Host: That's right, folks. "Please! Fuck Me!". Where the hideously deformed, and terminally ugly compete to have sex...with another human being, for a change! Alright! Let's get started. Contestants please tell me about yourselves.
Contestant #1: Well, name is Gene Finkel. I work for the United Spork Company. I have a dog and two cats...Oh! And, I have Dowagger's Hump.
Host: Fantastic, Gene! Contestant #2!
Contestant #2: My name is Hyman Goushelle. I'm a foreman in a fake dog poo factory. I dance in competitions at Flashdance conventions, And as a hobby, I build model airplane food. Also, I have a face that combines the beauty of Roseanne, with the manliness of Clay Aiken.
Host: Alright, Hyman! And last, but not least, Contestant #3!
Contestant #3: My name is Kevin Thomas. I work as a civil engineer, for the city of Los Angeles. I like to water ski. And I have a vacation home near Cancun. I'm an avid reader of shakespeare, and I'm ranked as the 4th best chess player in the world. Ah yes, and I have Down Syndrome.
Host: Okey dokey, Kevin! Well, now is the time where we meet the woman you "people" are competing for!
Announcer: She's a prostitute from Hunt's Pointe. Has three kids and removable teeth! She smells like urine, and cat food, and "knows tricks"!
Host: Awww. She sounds like a sweetheart, fellas!
(to be continued...)
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