I've been Missing In Action lately, but I have been doing my thing, having fun.
I went to the movies and saw Kingdom of Heaven. I was a little hesitant when I first saw that Orlando Bloom was in the movie, but I think the ten minute preview on MTV is what changed my mind. It had some Gladiator-esque moments, but I kind of expected that since Ridley Scott made both films. This movie, however, feels much deeper and less romantic in it's approach. The battle violence is also more intense than Gladiator. It felt long, but then again it was about the Crusades and they last quite a long time. Overall, it was kick-ass. Also, Liam Neeson successfully goes for the three-peat as the dying father figure in this film, capping his earlier attempts in Star Wars: Episode I, and Gangs of New York. And Edward Norton is kind of like a hidden secret in the film.
I'm also planning to go to the movies again this weekend and finally watch Episode III. I would have gone last weekend, but my job fucked up my direct deposit and screwed my whole weekend. I ended up borrowing money from my father and working with him on Saturday putting together storm shutters and cutting corrugated roofing.
So far, I've been told that Episode III lives up to the hype, so I'm quite excited in a very healthy and non-costume wearing fanboy kind of way. I've watched the original trilogy, or I should say the version of the original trilogy, George Lucas put out on DVD. And I've kind of just skimmed through Episode II again.
Besides that, I also got the new Audioslave album, Out of Exile, and really haven't come up with a verdict on it yet. I instantly enjoyed the first album, but I think this one is taking a moment longer to grow on me. I don't know, I'll have to get back to everyone on that one.
Other than, not much is going on with me. I've got my little brother, Christopher, at my house for the weekend and we're gonna go over to the pool in the apartment complex. Then, on Sunday I'm dropping him off on my way to my sister-in-law's house in Fort Walton, where we're gonna spend the night, watch Star Wars at the Rave (the big theatre in Fort Walton), and then come home to chill before going back to work Monday.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Star Wars- Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
When I recently signed on to AOL I saw a headline saying,"Is This The End?", referring to the Star Wars franchise. I personally hope that it is.
I think the original trilogy was fine and all the changes to the films were unneccesary. Not to mention, that the new trilogy isn't really all that great. The only story people are interested in is this 3rd film, so it just seems drawn out, and weak. But I'll still be one of the many paying to see it.
I just hope Lucas retires after this.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Florida: "Yes, we ARE North America's dick, and we'll prove it!"
"Stand Your Ground" Law
Well, I guess living in Florida wasn't humiliating enough, so Gov. Jeb Bush decided it was time to also live in fear of being shot by a fucking mullet-head. Some people might not see the possible negative effects of allowing citizens the right to use deadly force without fear of prosecution, but as a land surveyor, I know I do! We get shot at as it is already! Now, these slack-jawed incestuous freaks can shoot at us for being on their property and call it self-defense! FUCK, MAN!
Jeb Bush is crazier than a shithouse rat, and I hope he gets some mental help. Or maybe someone just needs to kick his ass.
P.S.
I'm not a liberal and this is not a rant against conservatives, It's a commentary on fuckin' stupidity.
Monday, May 9, 2005
Out of Town I Go
Work is sending the gang to funsational Carrabelle, FL! I hate that place with all my being. But, what can ya do? Plus, it's extra money.
Saturday, May 7, 2005
Ladies' Night
My wife and some of her friends from her Physical Therapy class thought they would celebrate the end of finals at our house with a little get-together, have some drinks and have a good time.
I happened to be the only guy at the party, and I was encouraged to "taste test" all the weird-ass girlie drinks they were trying to make in the blender. I can't complain since most of them came out pretty good, and I got pretty sloshed.
I got more sloshed from the two bottles of Hpnotiq that were purchased for me by the ladies, out of their appreciation for me changing a flat tire for one of them about a week ago. I couldn't believe it. She got a flat tire at a college and not a single guy stopped to help them! THAT'S LIKE THROWING AWAY AN EASY OPPORTUNITY! I went down there as soon as I got off work and changed the tire, while three women thanked me the entire time. It was ridiculous to me, like being applauded for flushing the toilet.
But anyway, we had plenty to drink and had a fun time. We ate chicken wings and nachos, and joked around all night. We also played the board game Cranium while we were all lit. As you can see in the pictures (a drunken Nixon impression, and an attempt to imitate a mermaid) we were enjoying ourselves.
I hope we do it again soon.
I happened to be the only guy at the party, and I was encouraged to "taste test" all the weird-ass girlie drinks they were trying to make in the blender. I can't complain since most of them came out pretty good, and I got pretty sloshed.
I got more sloshed from the two bottles of Hpnotiq that were purchased for me by the ladies, out of their appreciation for me changing a flat tire for one of them about a week ago. I couldn't believe it. She got a flat tire at a college and not a single guy stopped to help them! THAT'S LIKE THROWING AWAY AN EASY OPPORTUNITY! I went down there as soon as I got off work and changed the tire, while three women thanked me the entire time. It was ridiculous to me, like being applauded for flushing the toilet.
But anyway, we had plenty to drink and had a fun time. We ate chicken wings and nachos, and joked around all night. We also played the board game Cranium while we were all lit. As you can see in the pictures (a drunken Nixon impression, and an attempt to imitate a mermaid) we were enjoying ourselves.
I hope we do it again soon.
Stories From The Vault: Joel's House II
To get to some of the actual debauchery that took place at Joel’s takes me a moment. Not because it’s difficult to think of an example, but actually because there are so many, it’s hard to think of a place to start. I suppose I’ll try to start as close to the beginning as possible.
When I first met Joel it was at Leslie’s apartment. We walked in and sitting at the couch was a skinny white teenager who looked no older than 14 with a smile that comes with drinking too much malt liquor and a speaking delivery that was pure “wigger”. “I’ll split your wig in seven,” was a popular Joelism.
I didn’t think much of him that night because I thought I would probably never see him again. He made me laugh, was the only real impression I left with. Little did I know, eventually he would be somebody I saw almost everyday.
Joel’s house was only one block away from Leslie’s. It was a large old house on the corner of a street that went up one of the steepest hills in town. The building was actually not that big inside since it had been converted and had four apartments inside. But this would prove to be another blessing for us, since it meant across the hall lived one of our other friend’s, Jeff. Jeff is another story also.
As I mentioned Joel’s mother worked at night so she was never there. Her house became the place to be once she left for work. We would get the older people at the parties to go to the liquor stores and we would give them our money and tell them what we wanted, much like ordering a pizza. Then we would return to Joel’s. (note: When someone gives you money and tells you to buy Budweiser, don’t come back with Miller High Life and explain how you saved them a bunch of money, They won’t want to hear. I know I didn’t!)
People would get drunk, high, and laid in the course of an evening at Joel’s. There would be people not old enough to drive and people near the age of our parents there sometimes. It was a bit weird.
One of my favorite incidents at Joel’s involved Joel himself, getting very drunk and stoned. He was hanging with our friend Jeremy C and getting quite twisted. When some of us saw how decimated Joel really was, we thought we might have some fun with him. He was so wasted he could barely see straight and he came into the kitchen and asked us if there was anything to eat. So, as the kind and thoughtful friends we were, we informed Joel that there was indeed something to eat and that we had saved it just for him. We offered Joel the last chocolate chip cookie in the house. We baked it ourselves solely for his consumption. We handed it to Joel, who was standing right next to Jeremy C, watched him take a long slow bite out of it and tried to contain our laughter. Broken cigarettes and butts were hanging out of every square inch on top of the cookie. Joel took a second even bigger bite. “How is it, Joel?” Freddy asked as composed as he could.
Joel continued to chew and turned to all of us in the kitchen, his eyes like two broken mirrors barely open. “I don’t know, man.... but this is.... the rubbery-ist damn cookie I ever ate!” he said, more as a declaration than in anger.
The room erupted in laughter.
“Joel, that cookie’s got f*ckin’ cigarettes hangin’ out of it, man!” his brother Jeremy told him with a smirk. Joel got a puzzled look on his face, tobacco flakes falling from the side of his mouth while he chewed.
“What?!.... Naaaah.” Joel moaned while still eating.
“Yes! It’s got like half a pack of cigarettes in it!” I said. “You’re still eating it?!”
“It tastes like a cookie to me, man. Sorry.” He ate the whole damned thing.
At that moment it seemed that Jeremy C awoke from his standing coma and stated his outrage toward our treatment of Joel’s hunger.
“Aww! That’s f*cked up, man! That ain’t even right, you guys are f*cked up, man!” Shortly after that, Jeremy C completely passed out, and we didn’t have to hear anymore lecturing from “The Professor”.
I believe that was the same night Joel’s brother Jeremy(not Jeremy C) passed out on his feet and fell forward like Chris Farley at the beginning of Tommy Boy. Except Farley fell through the coffee table and Jeremy just broke the corner off with his face. It looked pretty brutal when it happened, but we just rolled him over. He was still breathing so we said “f*ck it” and kept partying.
(To be continued...)
When I first met Joel it was at Leslie’s apartment. We walked in and sitting at the couch was a skinny white teenager who looked no older than 14 with a smile that comes with drinking too much malt liquor and a speaking delivery that was pure “wigger”. “I’ll split your wig in seven,” was a popular Joelism.
I didn’t think much of him that night because I thought I would probably never see him again. He made me laugh, was the only real impression I left with. Little did I know, eventually he would be somebody I saw almost everyday.
Joel’s house was only one block away from Leslie’s. It was a large old house on the corner of a street that went up one of the steepest hills in town. The building was actually not that big inside since it had been converted and had four apartments inside. But this would prove to be another blessing for us, since it meant across the hall lived one of our other friend’s, Jeff. Jeff is another story also.
As I mentioned Joel’s mother worked at night so she was never there. Her house became the place to be once she left for work. We would get the older people at the parties to go to the liquor stores and we would give them our money and tell them what we wanted, much like ordering a pizza. Then we would return to Joel’s. (note: When someone gives you money and tells you to buy Budweiser, don’t come back with Miller High Life and explain how you saved them a bunch of money, They won’t want to hear. I know I didn’t!)
People would get drunk, high, and laid in the course of an evening at Joel’s. There would be people not old enough to drive and people near the age of our parents there sometimes. It was a bit weird.
One of my favorite incidents at Joel’s involved Joel himself, getting very drunk and stoned. He was hanging with our friend Jeremy C and getting quite twisted. When some of us saw how decimated Joel really was, we thought we might have some fun with him. He was so wasted he could barely see straight and he came into the kitchen and asked us if there was anything to eat. So, as the kind and thoughtful friends we were, we informed Joel that there was indeed something to eat and that we had saved it just for him. We offered Joel the last chocolate chip cookie in the house. We baked it ourselves solely for his consumption. We handed it to Joel, who was standing right next to Jeremy C, watched him take a long slow bite out of it and tried to contain our laughter. Broken cigarettes and butts were hanging out of every square inch on top of the cookie. Joel took a second even bigger bite. “How is it, Joel?” Freddy asked as composed as he could.
Joel continued to chew and turned to all of us in the kitchen, his eyes like two broken mirrors barely open. “I don’t know, man.... but this is.... the rubbery-ist damn cookie I ever ate!” he said, more as a declaration than in anger.
The room erupted in laughter.
“Joel, that cookie’s got f*ckin’ cigarettes hangin’ out of it, man!” his brother Jeremy told him with a smirk. Joel got a puzzled look on his face, tobacco flakes falling from the side of his mouth while he chewed.
“What?!.... Naaaah.” Joel moaned while still eating.
“Yes! It’s got like half a pack of cigarettes in it!” I said. “You’re still eating it?!”
“It tastes like a cookie to me, man. Sorry.” He ate the whole damned thing.
At that moment it seemed that Jeremy C awoke from his standing coma and stated his outrage toward our treatment of Joel’s hunger.
“Aww! That’s f*cked up, man! That ain’t even right, you guys are f*cked up, man!” Shortly after that, Jeremy C completely passed out, and we didn’t have to hear anymore lecturing from “The Professor”.
I believe that was the same night Joel’s brother Jeremy(not Jeremy C) passed out on his feet and fell forward like Chris Farley at the beginning of Tommy Boy. Except Farley fell through the coffee table and Jeremy just broke the corner off with his face. It looked pretty brutal when it happened, but we just rolled him over. He was still breathing so we said “f*ck it” and kept partying.
(To be continued...)
Sunday, May 1, 2005
Stories From The Vault: Joel's House
Joel's house wasn't much different from Leslie's house. Except for the fact that a family lived at Joel's, and Leslie's consisted of just her and her roommate. But, for some reason the insanity always seemed to be even more intense at Joel's place.
To say a "family" lived there is actually a bit of a stretch. A woman who worked the graveyard shift at a nursing home, and had three dysfunctional children, lived there. Her kids were all pretty much alcoholics and going nowhere in life. But, at the time neither was the rest of us so we were the best of friends. Let me quickly run through the cast.
Joel was a skinny teenager who seemed to go in or come out of Juvenile Hall every six months, usually for petty theft (stealing cigarettes, shoes, clothes). He never went to school since he had dropped out at 16, and he wore the same damned clothes every day that I knew him. He wore baggy pants, but didn't own a belt. So, Joel walked around with one hand always in his pocket. Not because he was cool, but because he was holding up his pants. I used to tell Joel that he was like f*ckin' human cartoon character since his outfit NEVER changed. He didn't care.
Then there was Joel's older half-brother, Jeremy. You knew they were half-brothers the moment you saw them because Joel looked like a coked-up Howdy Doody and Jeremy looked like Cheech Marin if he had done hard time. Plus, Jeremy was a hardcore drunk. If he wasn't inebriated his hands would shake and his eyes looked like two black marbles. Shark's eyes. Plus, the f*cker was always broke. I remember one time when we were going to buy some brews on a Friday night. He said ,"What are you gettin'?"
I told Jeremy I was gonna get a $30 bottle of Bacardi Rum. He walked across the living room and threw a crinkled up $1 bill in my lap. "Well, I'm chipping in. Here's my part," he said as serious as an alcoholic with a dollar bill and no booze trying to get the hook-up.
Jeremy was a blatant bottle hog, and the son of a bitch had done this to me before. "Um, I was just buyin' for me, tonight," I told the unemployed bastard.
As soon as the words had left my mouth, he had snatched his dollar back as if it were a sheet of paper in Water World. "F*CK YOU THEN... bitch," he said in his Ice Cube/Boyz N The Hood delivery.
And last, but not least was Joel's sister Amber, the oldest child, and the most ridiculous one. That girl would get drunker than most of us, and usually pass out somewhere. We got so use to having to transport her lifeless and slightly chubby body from bathroom floor to car, or cab to house, or just from bathroom to hallway so people could piss, that it never even seemed odd to us to have to grab her by her arms and legs, carry her with the care of a sack of assholes, and drop her somewhere else, usually followed by the sound of her head bouncing off the hardwood floor like a basketball. She was also a very flirtatious drunk, which is why I believe every guy that hung out with us, with the exception of Joel and Jeremy, had kissed her at least once. I remember offering her a dollar to see her chest in broad daylight in front of her house, and not being disappointed. I still didn't give her the dollar.
But those were the people I was hanging out with along with my usual friends Freddy, Matt, Gino, John, Jeremy C., and a few others who I'll have to discuss later. Especially Jeremy C.
(To be continued....)
To say a "family" lived there is actually a bit of a stretch. A woman who worked the graveyard shift at a nursing home, and had three dysfunctional children, lived there. Her kids were all pretty much alcoholics and going nowhere in life. But, at the time neither was the rest of us so we were the best of friends. Let me quickly run through the cast.
Joel was a skinny teenager who seemed to go in or come out of Juvenile Hall every six months, usually for petty theft (stealing cigarettes, shoes, clothes). He never went to school since he had dropped out at 16, and he wore the same damned clothes every day that I knew him. He wore baggy pants, but didn't own a belt. So, Joel walked around with one hand always in his pocket. Not because he was cool, but because he was holding up his pants. I used to tell Joel that he was like f*ckin' human cartoon character since his outfit NEVER changed. He didn't care.
Then there was Joel's older half-brother, Jeremy. You knew they were half-brothers the moment you saw them because Joel looked like a coked-up Howdy Doody and Jeremy looked like Cheech Marin if he had done hard time. Plus, Jeremy was a hardcore drunk. If he wasn't inebriated his hands would shake and his eyes looked like two black marbles. Shark's eyes. Plus, the f*cker was always broke. I remember one time when we were going to buy some brews on a Friday night. He said ,"What are you gettin'?"
I told Jeremy I was gonna get a $30 bottle of Bacardi Rum. He walked across the living room and threw a crinkled up $1 bill in my lap. "Well, I'm chipping in. Here's my part," he said as serious as an alcoholic with a dollar bill and no booze trying to get the hook-up.
Jeremy was a blatant bottle hog, and the son of a bitch had done this to me before. "Um, I was just buyin' for me, tonight," I told the unemployed bastard.
As soon as the words had left my mouth, he had snatched his dollar back as if it were a sheet of paper in Water World. "F*CK YOU THEN... bitch," he said in his Ice Cube/Boyz N The Hood delivery.
And last, but not least was Joel's sister Amber, the oldest child, and the most ridiculous one. That girl would get drunker than most of us, and usually pass out somewhere. We got so use to having to transport her lifeless and slightly chubby body from bathroom floor to car, or cab to house, or just from bathroom to hallway so people could piss, that it never even seemed odd to us to have to grab her by her arms and legs, carry her with the care of a sack of assholes, and drop her somewhere else, usually followed by the sound of her head bouncing off the hardwood floor like a basketball. She was also a very flirtatious drunk, which is why I believe every guy that hung out with us, with the exception of Joel and Jeremy, had kissed her at least once. I remember offering her a dollar to see her chest in broad daylight in front of her house, and not being disappointed. I still didn't give her the dollar.
But those were the people I was hanging out with along with my usual friends Freddy, Matt, Gino, John, Jeremy C., and a few others who I'll have to discuss later. Especially Jeremy C.
(To be continued....)
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