Monday, December 5, 2005

I don't know right now

I feel lost...

I was doing fine until recently. I don't know where to take my inner apathy right now, so I suppose I'm occupying it right now.

It still feels more like an excercise to keep my eyes and ears in this space, than something of expression, but I really can't say that I know what this is suppose to feel like, it's new to me. I DO know that I don't like it, and I wish it would go away like some kind of smoke in the wind, but that's not going to happen until the flames go out. Which is the strangest part... I sometimes feel like I don't want it to go out. Because in a way the agony of it keeps me close to her. She gave me this pain because I loved her so much with all my heart, and I don't want to let go of it. I don't want to let go of her. I miss her. I need her.

I'm not sure if I can explain it to someone who hasn't felt it.

I apologize for my melodramatic words, but their as close to the truth as I can reach with words at the moment. Tomorrow is a new day, and I 'll try again.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

What's up with me

Since I've been back to work we've hired two new guys to work outside. Oh yeah, one of them quit already, ha ha! Some guys (pussies) just can't handle cutting through some thick wooded areas with a machete and chainsaw all day during summer heat in Florida. Honestly, it's not that tough, if it was do you think I would be doing it?!

But anyway, the guy that didn't quit was living in his car when he got the job. He's a hard character to paint, unless that's your main focus. So, let me run off some of his stats, and you draw your own image.

1. Middle aged white male, thick glasses, cross-eyed to the extreme, skinny as a rail

2. Vietnam veteran, and former Carnie.


3. has been nicknamed "Sideshow" and "Crazy Eyes" by the other guys behind his back.

4. can't get a bank account because he lives in a motel room.

5. claims to have been an extra in the Charlie Sheen movie, Above The Law.

6. Only buys clothing that is second-hand from Goodwill, Salvation Army, etc.

7. kinda gives me the creeps.

Besides, working with a guy that looks like a potential spree killer or sex offender, I recently had a birthday on November 3rd. I'm 24 now.... I don't know, I still feel the same as I did when I was 15, which is "everyone kind of gets on my nerves except for the handful of people I've chosen to hang with".

I passed up cake and ice cream this year, and decided to instead have a turkey and stuffing, along with a bunch of other stuff. It was a great decision and I highly recommend the "Thanksgiving Birthday" approach.

Other than that things haven't changed much. I've been using myspace.com a lot more lately. I have some other things to post but I need to get them together first.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

I just need a laugh


LOL!!!

Finally home, news

The funeral was this past Thursday, and I've just gotten back home. It has been, without a doubt, the longest week of my life. It was also a very beautiful service.

Some of the details that I got originally weren't accurate, but as crazy as the past week has been I can understand.

These are the news articles that have been written so far in the newspaper.

I'd also like to thank everyone for their prayers and support.


Saturday, October 22, 2005
Last modified Sunday, October 16, 2005 11:23 AM EDT

Woman dies in truck, motorcycle collision on Greene St.
Driver held on $500,000 bond after fleeing scene, say police

From Staff Reports
Sunday, October 16, 2005 11:23 AM EDT

CUMBERLAND - A 21-year-old Cumberland woman was killed and a 23-year-old Cumberland man was injured after a truck struck their motorcycle at the intersection of Greene and Johnson streets at 11:24 p.m. Friday, according to the Cumberland Police Department.

Ashley Marie Merced was traveling north on Greene Street on a Honda motorcycle operated by Nathan Alan Dolan when a red Dodge Dakota, attempting to turn onto Johnson Street, failed to yield and collided with the motorcycle, police said.

The driver of the truck, Peter August Rosskamp, 52, Cumberland, stopped momentarily on Johnson Street and then drove toward Interstate 68, police said.

Merced was pronounced dead at the scene and Dolan, who was transported to Memorial Hospital by a Cumberland Fire Department ambulance, sustained serious injuries, according to police reports. No information was available from the hospital on his condition Saturday.

Rosskamp's truck was located, disabled, on Interstate 68, east of Hillcrest Drive; a warrant was issued for Rosskamp, who had fled on foot, and his vehicle was impounded, police said.

Several hours later, Rosskamp turned himself in, and he was served with the arrest warrant, police said.

Rosskamp was charged with negligent manslaughter with an automobile, obstruction of justice, failure to stop vehicle at the scene of an accident involving bodily injury, failure to immediately return and remain at the scene of an accident involving bodily injury, failure of driver involved in accident to render reasonable assistance of injured person, failure of driver in death accident to furnish required identification and license, failure of vehicle driver in accident to report death to nearest police, failure to stop after accident involving damage to attended vehicle, failure of driver involved in accident to give insurance policy information, abandoning vehicle on public property without permission, driving vehicle in excess of reasonable and prudent speed on highway, reckless driving, negligent driving and failure to yield intersection right of way after green arrow signal. He was being held on $500,000 bond.


Saturday, October 22, 2005
Last modified Tuesday, October 18, 2005 10:33 AM EDT

Motorcycle accidents remain under investigation
Weekend mishaps claim lives of two county residents

From Staff Reports
Tuesday, October 18, 2005 10:33 AM EDT

CUMBERLAND - Motorcycle accidents late Friday and early Sunday in Allegany County that claimed the lives of a Rawlings man and a Cumberland woman remain under investigation.

Early Sunday, a motorcycle accident on U.S. Route 220 at McCoole claimed the life of Harold Van Pelt III, 32, of Rawlings.

Van Pelt was pronounced dead at the scene after he lost control of his 1998 Harley-Davidson motorcycle, skidded and then struck the gate at the north end of the parking lot entrance to the Chat & Chew Restaurant.

Police said there were witnesses to the 1:25 a.m. accident that is still being investigated by the Allegany County Sheriff's Office. Accident reconstruction is part of the investigation.

Anyone having information about the accident should call the sheriff's office at (301) 777-5959.

In another report, Peter A. Rosskamp, 52, of Cumberland, remained jailed Monday on $250,000 bond after his truck struck a motorcycle late Friday on Greene Street, fatally injuring 21-year-old Ashley Marie Merced and also injuring Nathan Alan Dolan, 23, of Cumberland.

Merced was pronounced dead at the scene and Dolan was admitted to Memorial Hospital following the 11:24 p.m. Friday incident. Dolan was listed in stable condition Monday, according to a hospital spokeswoman.

Rosskamp fled the scene and turned himself in to Cumberland Police late Saturday morning. A warrant for his arrest was issued a few hours after the accident after police identified him as the driver of the hit-and-run vehicle.

A short time after the incident, Rosskamp's Dodge Dakota truck was located on eastbound Interstate 68 east of Hillcrest Drive where it had become disabled with a flat tire and damaged tire rim.

Police said the damage apparently resulted from the collision with the 2002 Honda motorcycle operated by Dolan with Merced as a passenger, police said.

Cumberland Police charged Rosskamp with numerous offenses, including negligent manslaughter with an automobile and failure to stop at the scene of an accident involving bodily injury.

The crash investigation is continuing with the assistance of Deputy Chris Miller, an accident reconstruction specialist of the Allegany County Sheriff's Office.

Police said the incident occurred when Rosskamp drove from a complete stop at the traffic light on southbound Greene Street and turned toward Johnson Street and directly into the path of the motorcycle.

Upon impact, the occupants of the motorcycle were ejected and were then run over by the truck operated by Rosskamp, police said.

Police said there were witnesses to the accident, including three motorists who had stopped at the traffic light in the right-hand lane waiting to travel south on Greene Street.

The motorists assisted the victims until Cumberland Fire Department ambulance personnel arrived.



Last modified Tuesday, October 18, 2005 9:23 AM EDT

Ashley M. Merced

Tuesday, October 18, 2005 9:23 AM EDT


CUMBERLAND - Ashley Marie Merced, 21, of Cumberland, died Friday, Oct. 14, 2005, as the result of a motorcycle accident.

Born Sept. 30, 1984, in Cumberland, she was the daughter of Debra Jean (Edwards) Merced and Amado Suarez, Cumberland, and Ronald Joseph Moreno and wife Lisa, Redland, Calif.

Ashley was a sales manager for Donald B. Rice Tire Company and attended Fort Hill High School.

Surviving, in addition to her parents, are C. Jason Brooks and their daughter, Zahra K. Brooks, Fort Ashby, W.Va.; stepmother, Debbie Moreno, Redland; five brothers, Michael Wright, Kissimmee, Rene Merced, Panama City Beach, Joshua Greise, Cumberland, Michael Moreno and Scott Moreno, both of California; four sisters, Melissa Felda, Moriah Felda, both of Cumberland, Kasey Davis and Stacey Adkins, both of California; maternal grandparents, Helen Kick and husband, Denny, Tavernier and William Edwards, Wiley Ford; paternal grandparents, Rachel Martinez and husband Ted, Boise, Idaho and Ron Moreno and wife Virginia, Calif.; and grandma, Merry Dean, LaVale, and her daughters, Angelique Aman-Bowman, and Nissa Collins; and her niece, Shanna Wright.

Ashley was loved by many friends and relatives. She was a wonderful mother whose life revolved around her daughter, Zahra. She embraced life with enthusiasm. That zeal was translated to everyone who she loved. Ashley was determined to succeed in life and her ambition was always admired by those who knew her. Those who knew her best will always remember the joy she brought to their lives.

Friends will be received at the Scarpelli Funeral Home, P.A., 108 Virginia Ave., Cumberland, on Tuesday from 7 to 9 p.m. and Wednesday from 3 to 9 p.m.

Funeral services will be conducted at the funeral home on Thursday at noon with the Rev. Sherrill A. Dillon officiating.

There will be visitation one hour prior to the service.

To send condolences to the family visit http://www.scarpellifh.com.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Ashley Marie Merced


September 30, 1984 - October 14, 2005


I got a phone call at 4 a.m. this morning from Dad. He told me that there had been accident back home in Maryland, and that my oldest sister, Ashley had died. She was riding on the back of a motorcycle with a friend in the city, not doing anything reckless or crazy. They were at a complete stop a red light waiting for it to turn green, when they were rear-ended by a Chevy Tahoe and my sister was run over. She died instantly.

The driver fled the scene and so far his car has been found, but the Police are still searching for him.

So, you probably won't be hearing from me for a little while, since I need to be with my two brothers, my two other sisters, and my Mom in Maryland. Of all the tragedies in the world today is also my Mom's birthday.

Ashley left behind a beautiful little baby girl, and a lot of people who loved her. It's killing me so bad inside right now, I can't even speak, but I know she's in better place and I'll never forget my sister.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Napster vs. Limewire

When I first decided to get DSL and leave dial-up and AOL behind, I was offered a free Napster To Go mp3 player and 3 free months of downloads from Napster as incentive to make the switch. I was thinking about switching anyway, and the mp3 really didn't make a difference to me, but it seemed like a nice little goodie anyway. So, I thought it would be fun to download some songs for a little while.

WRONG!!!

The files are "right protected" and can only be played on the cheap-o mp3 player I got in the mail (looks like a Cracker Jack toy). plus, after the first three months you have to pay $15 a month for the service and if you want to burn anything to a CD it costs an additional $1 a song! WHAT KIND OF BARGAIN IS THAT?!



Well, to make a long story short, I got so freakin' mad that I couldn't make a CD out of the useless Napster files, that I immediately dumped Napster and all my files, and simply got Limewire.

I like Limewire. It reminds me of Kazaa, except that I have a much higher success and quality rating when it comes to getting good files. I don't always find what I'm looking for since it's basically paying one-time for the ability to share files with other people who've also payed to join the club. But, it's still much more fun.

So, to summarize, file sharing will not die until record industry companies learn not to be such douche bags. I WILL NOT PAY $15 BUCKS A MONTH AND A $1 A SONG FOR A 15 TRACK BEE GEES ALBUM, PUNK!!! I 'll get it for free from Kenny in Tulsa. Thanks, Kenny!

Saturday, October 8, 2005

Mitch Hedburg

I've been into Mitch Hedburg's stand-up comedy for awhile, and I've been listening to his CDs again lately.

Mitch had a very distinctive Minnesota stoner-type delivery and a kind of observational humour mixed with some Stephen Wright-like thoughts and statements that made him unique and fun to listen to.

Mitch didn't explode into a big star, but was always kind of on the verge of discovery. Before he passed away at 37, he left behind two comedy albums and DVD that I never get tired of.

So, if you ever get the chance, I recommend checking out Mitch Hedburg.


"I had a Mr. Pibb. Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper, but it's the bullsh*t replica 'cause dude didn't even get his degree! ...Why did you have to dropout and start making pop so soon!" - Mitch Hedburg, Mitch All Together 2004


"On a traffic light green means "Go", yellow means "Yeild", but on a banana it's just the opposite... Green means "Hold on"... Yellow means "Go ahead"... And red means "Where the f*ck did you get that banana at!" - Mitch Hedburg, Strategic Grill Locations 1999