Blog the Raccoon

Sunday, February 6, 2005

Super Bowl Sunday

Well, it's Super Bowl Sunday. And to be honest, I'm really not into either team this year, so I guess I'll be watching for the commercials(watching TV for the commercials?!). Out of the two, however, I'm gonna have to root for Philadelphia because I like underdogs, and New England won't be hurting if they don't win another Super Bowl.

McNabb

Having a Super Bowl party, however, is something worth rooting for no matter who is playing. I always enjoy getting together with friends over a bountiful feast of Buffalo wings, pizza rolls, and spinach dip. And don't forget a frosty cold beer, or cola of your choice! I know I won't(I'll be enjoying a nice cream soda since I'm just too cheap to buy beer). Of course, I have two Super Bowl-style parties each year(Wrestlemania 21 isn't too far off).

The Super Bowl will be displaying a different kind of Half-time show this year, too. I'm interested to see what they do with Paul McCartney, and how shockingly decent it will be. I mean, of what I've seen in the last few years it was getting a little ridiculous. Last year's debacle was viewed by millions, but not me because I flipped the channel over to some Half-time special on another channel. I never watch the Half-time show, and after missing what happened last year, I felt cheated(just kidding!).

Whatever team you cheer for, or rituals you and your family have for this day. I hope it's as enjoyable as it should be. I know I'm gonna relax, and have fun. And who knows, it might actually be an exciting game(remember St. Louis/Tennessee?)!

How to Throw a Great Super Bowl Party

Saturday, February 05, 2005

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Event planner and interior designer Colin Cowie (search), most famous for throwing Oprah's 50th birthday party, spoke to FOX News entertainment reporter Lisa Bernhard from Jacksonville, Fla., where he is preparing a pre-game Super Bowl (search) party for football legends and their wives.

Cowie, known for his simple elegance, thinks the whole idea of planning a Super Bowl bash is to "come up with a formula that keeps you glued to the television screen and not chained to the kitchen stove."

"I think any well-organized party has a well-thought-out bar," he told FOX. "So you don't have to play the host and bartender all day long, this is kind of set up as a self-help bar. I put beautiful, colored glasses out to make it elegant as well."

As for drinks, Cowie serves different types of beers, soft drinks, red wine, white wine, iced tea and even coffee.

"Guests can help themselves at any time. It's easy to do," he said.

Then there's the grub — which, given that it's the Super Bowl, is largely focused on meat.

"To keep the stomach lined I made this wonderful chili, and of course, as with anything, if you start with great ingredients you get a great product. So I worked with the best-quality beef I could find, but I'm serving it like caviar. I have a myriad of different accompaniments here, so you can mix it to your own liking, whether hot, spicy or medium," he said.

For rib lovers, Cowie puts them under the broiler so the sugar in the sauce caramelizes to produce that just-off-the-barbecue look. He then heats them in the oven on a smooth rack.

To serve between courses, Cowie prepares lighter fare: an array of salads on trays with dressing.

"Once again, guests help themselves," he said.

And whatever you do, don't reheat pizza, Cowie warns.

"I buy the pizzas from the pizza store ready to be cooked, and pop them in the oven. We're not ordering pizza," he said.

Finally, he breaks out the champagne, to "drown our sorrows with the losers or celebrate with the winners."(foxnews.com)

Saturday, February 5, 2005

KOTB tournament is almost here

VOTE FOR ME AT KING OF THE BLOGS STARTING FEB. 7TH!

paid for by the Norrin Radd for King Committee

Stories from the vault: Academics

Math. I hate math with a passion. I think it was created just to spite me.
Norrin Radd

When I started "From the vault" I thought I would just write about my misadventures. I've since come to realize that to do so would only tell one dimension of my life, and wouldn't give much insight into who I am(not deep insight, anyway). So, since telling a handful of drunken party stories(I think I've told about 12% of them), I'm more in the mood to talk about subjects like this. Besides, all these subjects tie together in the end. Partying basically ruined my academics(duh?!).

When it came time for me to go to Pre-K, I told my mother I didn't want to do it. Most parents would have sent their kid anyway, since they have to go to work and handle a dozen other things. My mother was different. She didn't work, so she didn't have that problem. Plus, I was a favored child in many ways since I was the shy, quiet one. As I got older my favored status seemed to grow stronger. I don't think it was because of anything I did, but more of what my older brother Mike, and my younger sister Ashley did, that made me mom's star. We'll talk more about Mike and Ashley's junior rapsheets in the future.

So, I skipped Pre-K and waited for kindergarten to actually start my schooling. My mom still believes my lack of Pre-K only enhanced my shyness when I got to kindergarten(I think there's truth to that). Of course, kindergarten is pretty much finger-painting, and lincoln logs, so there really isn't much to sweat.

Elementary school(1-5), was a little different. I had friends in elementary school, but I was still quite introverted and quiet. Also, at the time I became what you could categorize as "husky", as clearly stated on the tag in my jeans. I did quite good on my report cards though, and didn't really have any trouble except maybe keeping up during gym class. I was even offered a spot in accelerated learning classes(I said no thanks, and my mother allowed me to make the decision). Things went smoothly for me up until about the end of 4th grade. That's when the math actually became work for me(mostly because I started to quit doing the work, and no one at my house made me). I still get a little ticked-off when I see a deck of flash cards.

Then Middle school came, and my downward spiral came into full and vibrant technicolor. I actually began to slide in 5th grade. I remember my teacher sitting me and my best friend at the time, Norman Cromwell, down and giving us the facts about our inferior efforts. I brushed it off at the time, but should've listened to what he was saying. I went through 6th grade maintaining a C average(I wouldn't see the Honor Roll again after 5th). And with my older brother flat out flunking the 7th grade, a year out in front, I was happy with a C, and so was my mother. At the same time, I learned how to become more disruptive in class, and how to get detentions at least once a week. It got so bad, that once in the 7th grade, I was given a suspension for having so many detentions(the Vice Principal held up a stack of detention slips stating he had a "phone book on me"). I wish I could say that was a turning point towards straightening up my act, but no one was really making me feel like I was going down the wrong road. I mean, I was hearing it from faculty members, but what pre-teen from a broken home, and attitude problems, listens to teachers? Before leaving middle school I would go to summer school to finish 8th grade, and go into high school with about a C- average.

Then, I went into just straight apathy. At the beginning of high school I met a new friend, Freddy Evans, and met a new substance called marijuana. The three of us spent many hours together after school, and on the weekends just tokin' away, and listening to music and bong water bubbling. I was so stoned and lazy at the time, I had calculated how many classes I could fail each year, and chose the ones I was gonna sleep through. It might have worked if I hadn't just straight-out did nothing in my junior year(I passed only three classes).

Academically, high school was a bust for me, but socially it was outstanding. The husky jeans were gone, kind of(I had began lifting weights in the 7th grade, as I was growing taller and thinning out a bit). And people actually wanted to hang out with me, which was new. I gained a lot of friends through the Art Club, and my off-key sense of humor, drawing farmers with their sheep, and other such artworks. Plus, potheads seem to stick together, so I was never lonely.

When senior year came around I was forced to wake up, however. I used to spend my summers with my dad in Florida. So, when I came home from Florida my mother had some interesting news for me. It seems I was supposed to go to summer school again, but my mother never told me. She figured since I was in Florida already, I should just enjoy my summer with my dad and complete the 11th grade again when I got back(yeah, bad figuring). I was completely devastated. I couldn't believe what had been done to me by my own mother.

I went to my school, and did some of the best negotiating on my own behalf ever seen. They told me I had no choice but to repeat the 11th grade because I needed 7.5 more credits to graduate, and 7 credits are all you can earn for a year. If I had gone to summer school, and earned 1 credit I could have gone on, but since I did not... I could not. Then, I came up with an idea that I still can't believe they went for. I said to the school that if they let me continue onto the 12th grade, I would pass all 7 classes(something I hadn't done in any of my previous three years), and THEN go to summer school to get the .5 credit I would lack for my diploma. They thought about it... and said OK! I basically offered up the plot to a bad Adam Sandler movie, and the Board of Education said OK!

Well, somehow I pulled it off. I went to summer school after senior year, and got my diploma. I came close to failing(I had to turn in homework in English class on the last day of school just to get a D-). Afterwards, I went on the warpath, and got wasted everyday. My father made me enroll in the local community college, where I flunked all three of my part-time classes. He got so pissed at his stoner son, that he brought me down to Florida, and watched every move I made. For his efforts he was rewarded with a son who was a certified AutoCAD Drafter and Blueprint Reader. Since then, I've worked as a Land Surveyor, and been quite successful so far.

Not much of a student(1.37 GPA!), but I still enjoyed my time in school. I'm trying to make plans to go back soon, and possibly do something in graphic arts. We'll see what happens.

Waking up at 10:30 a.m.

I used to stay up until dawn. Then, until about 4 a.m. Since then, I've devolved to around 11 p.m. Once I was a night owl. Now, I'm not a morning person, or a night person. Importance of this news: no importance what-so-ever! I just came to realize it this morning, and it saddened me for some reason(why, I don't know).

Also, that Graceland is the "Hillbilly Buckingham Palace". Also, of no importance.

Friday, February 4, 2005

The Mass Exploitation of Our Youth

I'm back. Why the absence? Well, I've taken a writing job on the website www.411mania.com. I'm in the movie sections under the name Ashton Lovecraft. But because Norrin is my bestest friend in the whole widest world, I'm going to still come here and be unfunny occasionally.

Today's topic is about one of the biggest mass exploitations of children, one of the worst programs running...

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....

...

Winnie the Pooh.

That's right, Winnie the Pooh is EVIL, and I'm going to tell you why.

See, Winnie the Pooh? He's homosexual. It's obvious. He has an "ie" ending on his name, which is a feminem ending, as opposed to the "y" ending, which is masculine. Plus he just looks gay. Look at him for 5 seconds and tell me that he's ever thought about humping another teddy bear like creature. I dare you. Not to mention that he's always got his hand dipped in a jar of honey. He wants to rub it all over a penis and slowly lick it off, savoring the taste.

But Winnie the Pooh isn't the only bad part of the show. The shows demonstrates and supports several other dangerous alternative lifestyles. Allow me to demonstrate.

Eeyore... He's manic depressive. Seriously, look at the guy. He's a big, blue donkey... and he's always sad. ALWAYS. The blue skin is a metaphor for that he's always blue, as in depressed. Is it really safe to teach kids that always feeling bad is cute and an acceptable way to live life? I don't think so. This is corrupting kids at a very young and impressionable age, and the teen suicide rate is steadily climbing at a direct result. We must stop this madness NOW.

Tigger... He's a crack head. He's constantly bouncing around, and constantly blabbering in a near to incoherent speech. He's teaching our kids that illegal substances are okay to put into the body. He exemplifies what is wrong with our world today... he glorifies the abuse of mind and body altering substances that should be ingested in no form at any time in a lifetime. Showing this to kids will do nothing but increase the crime rate, as more drugs will be bought, meaning more drug wars will be fought. Do you want your 5 year old to grow up to be a dealer?

Rabbit... He's obsessive compulsive. He twitches constantly and is always running around and double-triple-quadruple checking things. It's sad to watch the decay of a character like that, and it's glorifying that type of behavior to our kids. How many children are going to grow up and become victims of OCD just because they remember that one of their favorite cartoons acted that way? I'll tell you right now, it's not okay for a child to become just like a cartoon character, especially one with such a serious mental disorder as Rabbit.

Owl... He's an arrogant aristocrat. He believes that he's smarter than everyone else, and therefore better than everyone else. He's quick to remind you that he's smarter than you, and therefore you should obey him. Do we want our kids to learn to treat each other equally, or do we want them to learn to fear people that may be better than us in some ways? Sounds like a pretty shitty lifestyle to live, if you ask me. I, for one, refuse to let my kids believe that they're inferior to ANYONE. Why should they have to respect someone who places themself on such a higher level than them? It's not about whether or not someone's better than you... it's about whether or not they try to dictate you because they're better than you. Do you want your kids to be working the 9 to 5 shift at Walmart just because they never learned to stand up for their own rights?

Gopher... He's full of paranoid delusions. He constantly digs holes and tunnels in 100 Aker Woods, and acts much like a disgruntled WWII veteran. He's always speaking of different conspiracies that are obviously aimed at him or anyone he knows, and he's always grumpy about it. This behavior should be far from supported, because it shows the kind of life people can be put into after a traumatic event. While it's important for kids to understand about death and war in the world, it's NOT necessary to expose them at such an early age to the horrible behavioral and mental changes these events can cause to a person's life.

Kanga and Roo... These two character exemplify the relationships mothers have with children these days. Roo was the younger one, always hanging out with Tigger. This is obviously a bad sign, seeing that Tigger is a crack head. Kanga is shown to be extremely motherly and lets Roo hang out with Tigger, which is a bad sign. It supports the idea that mothers should allow their kids to run rampant and do whatever they want with no consequences imposed by the parents. By allowing Roo to hang out with an obvious drug dealer and abuser, she's telling parents of the world that it's okay for kids to experiment with different substances and hanging out with anyone they want, and that they should never be punished for such behavior.

Piglet... He's anal retentive. He exemplifies yet another problem with raising kids: he's afraid of everything. He teaches kids that it's okay to fear change and to fear challenges in life, and that they should all run away from these things and expect other people to solve the problems for them, as opposed to standing up for themselves and learning how to deal with life on their own. Without facing your own challenges, it makes it near to impossible to live a normal life out of childhood, and leads to much disrespect and being made fun of in later years. Also, it's hard to get a girlfriend when someone is afraid of as simple of a word as "no," which could also lead to a lack of being able to get a job of any type. There's just no way to succeed in life following the lesson that Piglet displays.

With all of the above arguments, you really have to think... is Winnie the Pooh something you want your kids to watch? Any single one of these personalities forming in a young child's mind is bad enough, much less any or all of them combining into one giant personality. Are any of these personalities something you actually wish upon your child?

What I'm calling for is for someone to think of the children, and stop showing Winnie the Pooh to our kids.

Thank you.

-LZ

Tax Returns 2

Well, it seems Uncle Sam is giving me back $800. Thanks Sam, for giving me something that is actually mine anyway. But thanks, none the less.

Here's your money, little bitch!

Anyone do better?

Anyone do worse?

Kool and the Gang Celebration RealAudio

Hero of the day

I want to become a hero. I want to be at the right place, at the right time. I don't want to have to do anything actually "heroic" though. Something simple with great accolades is all I ask. Is that so wrong?

I think my dream scenario would be: A baby trapped in a well. I would be walking by, eating my cheese sandwich, when out of nowhere I hear a cry in the distant. After running toward the sounds of desperation, I would discover an old mining well. I would then get my Pocket Fisherman, drop a line down into the dark shaft, using a pacifier as bait. After successfully hooking my toddler, I would gently reel it in.

By this time, the media will have arrived with cameras and flashbulbs will be going off everywhere.

"How did ya do it?!" asks one excited local news man.

"Well, it's all in the wrist," I'll reply nonchalantly.

As the cameras gather around, I'll hold my prize catch in the air like a trophy-winning swordfish.

"Fight of my life!" I'll boast, holding the young child by it's feet and posing like a victorious sea captain. God, it would be awesome!

That's all I want! Is that so wrong? It is? Ah, whatever. I still want it!

I'd like to thank the guys in the chat room for inspiring this piece. You know who you are!