Johnnie Cochran is now in the afterlife. I thought Cochran was a very likable, and very talented lawyer. I wonder if he'll use the "Chewbacca defense" to get passed St. Peter?
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Johnnie Cochran Dies at 67
Famed attorney Johnnie Cochran dies at 67
Johnnie Cochran is now in the afterlife. I thought Cochran was a very likable, and very talented lawyer. I wonder if he'll use the "Chewbacca defense" to get passed St. Peter?
Johnnie Cochran is now in the afterlife. I thought Cochran was a very likable, and very talented lawyer. I wonder if he'll use the "Chewbacca defense" to get passed St. Peter?
Saturday, March 26, 2005
More Veggie Fun!
Q: What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
A: The wheelchair.
Just kidding!
Get well soon, Terri!
I'm going to go eat a cucumber or something now.
A: The wheelchair.
Just kidding!
Get well soon, Terri!
I'm going to go eat a cucumber or something now.
Friday, March 25, 2005
"Where's the beef?" or Wendy's Dave Thomas Tribute Chili
Wendy's says origin of chili finger unknown
LOS ANGELES, March 24 (Reuters) - Wendy's International Inc. said on Thursday it had investigated how a severed human finger made it into a bowl of chili at one of its restaurants and found no evidence that an accident involving one of its workers or suppliers was to blame.
None of Wendy's employees at the San Jose, California restaurant where the incident occurred has suffered any injury, Wendy's spokesman Denny Lynch said.
He added that there had also been no hand- or finger-related injuries found by the suppliers that provide the ingredients for its chili.
"We haven't found anything that can support the allegations that Wendy's was the source of this partial finger," Lynch said.
Officials on Wednesday said a diner at a Wendy's fast-food restaurant found a human finger in a bowl of chili prepared by the chain.
An investigation of the restaurant by health inspectors "gave us a clean bill of health," Lynch said, adding that Wendy's is cooperating with the ongoing police investigation into the matter.
Interesting on so many levels. How many retail and restaurant chain founders are spinning in their graves right now? I'm sure Col. Sanders feels your pain Dave Thomas. What's that? Oh, Sam Walton's rotting cadaver just rocketed out of the earth after they built a new Wal-Mart on an ancient indian burial ground.
Of course, this customer is a millionaire now. Unless, it turns out they put the finger in their chili. We shall see, but they should be grateful it was just a severed human finger and not some other severed human appendage.
LOS ANGELES, March 24 (Reuters) - Wendy's International Inc. said on Thursday it had investigated how a severed human finger made it into a bowl of chili at one of its restaurants and found no evidence that an accident involving one of its workers or suppliers was to blame.
None of Wendy's employees at the San Jose, California restaurant where the incident occurred has suffered any injury, Wendy's spokesman Denny Lynch said.
He added that there had also been no hand- or finger-related injuries found by the suppliers that provide the ingredients for its chili.
"We haven't found anything that can support the allegations that Wendy's was the source of this partial finger," Lynch said.
Officials on Wednesday said a diner at a Wendy's fast-food restaurant found a human finger in a bowl of chili prepared by the chain.
An investigation of the restaurant by health inspectors "gave us a clean bill of health," Lynch said, adding that Wendy's is cooperating with the ongoing police investigation into the matter.
Interesting on so many levels. How many retail and restaurant chain founders are spinning in their graves right now? I'm sure Col. Sanders feels your pain Dave Thomas. What's that? Oh, Sam Walton's rotting cadaver just rocketed out of the earth after they built a new Wal-Mart on an ancient indian burial ground.
Of course, this customer is a millionaire now. Unless, it turns out they put the finger in their chili. We shall see, but they should be grateful it was just a severed human finger and not some other severed human appendage.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Robert Van Winkle
A friend of mine (on the right) ran into Vanilla Ice at Busch Gardens recently and e-mailed me this picture. It's cool, but I'm not sure if I'm jealous or don't care. Hmmm.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Stories from the vault: My brother Mike
Mike is my older brother, and we're polar opposites. I'm a more reserved, and private person. My brother Mike is a smooth talker and a ladies' man, real life of the party-type. He's also a more restless soul than I am.
Ever since we were kids he has been a schemer and a hustler (I say it in the most loving way). I can remember when we were pre-teens, how he used to be the master of bartering. When he was 13 he traded an air rifle, some baseball cards, and a dollar bill for a Chevette. Yeah, a car. The damn thing never started though, and we ended up towing it to the scrap yard and getting about $50 for it. That was typical of my older bro.
I should also mention that me and my older brother have different fathers. My mother met Mike's dad in high school, and were sweethearts who eventually got married for one hot minute. Shortly, after the birth of my brother they split and my mom met my dad, who she continued the marriage, kid, divorce pattern with. My mother never got married again after my father, but she did have more children (my three younger sisters, and one younger brother).
Now, when Mike and I were just toddlers up until we were school age, we were inseparable. In fact, my brother would tell neighborhood bullies he was going to beat them up, and when they would call his bluff he would yell,"Get 'em, Booger!", which was the moniker bestowed upon me by my older brother to who I would respond,"Okay, Mikey!" and then chase after the boy who was usually a few years older than me. But then a strange thing happened. Mike's dad came back into the picture with a little money, and offering a supposedly better life for my brother if he went to live with him. My mother relented and I didn't see Mike for about five years. It was a sad time for me (I remember crying in my bed the night he left, with his quilt in my bed which still smelled like him).
Five years later, however, my brother was returned to me. I still don't remember why his father brought him back to us, but I believe it had something to do with Mike getting too hard for his father to handle, or wanting to handle. I knew things were gonna be a little different upon Mike's return when I said,"Hi, Mikey," to which he responded,"My names not Mikey, it's Mike... and if you call me Mikey I'll kill you,"
It seemed Mike had gained some anger in his absence, and I was going to experience it's explosive capabilities.
We got along again at first, until school started. My mom made us sit together on the bus, which pissed Mike off to no end. "He's your brother, and you're gonna look out for him," my mom would tell him. He would then tell me not to embarrass him on the bus. It seems that my older brother was scared of looking uncool with me tagging along. And since he wasn't shy about telling me how much I sucked, I decided that our new seating arrangement was the perfect time to exact some revenge. I went out of my way to groan like a retard and make stupid faces on the bus every morning. I even went so far as to sing in a William Hung-like voice that "Mike is my brother".
From then on, it was open warfare between my older and brother and myself from those elementary school bus trips, all the way through the end of middle school. It would have lasted longer than that I'm sure if my brother's criminal behavior hadn't split us up.
So, for the next few years we fought like brothers (he would take me to play Hide and Seek in the woods and go home while I was hding instead of looking, and I would pay his friends five dollars to hold him down while I punched him in the stomach). It was an interesting time. Once we were in middle school, however, we barely saw each other. He was hanging out with high school kids and doing God knows what. We were still fighting when we saw each other though. I would break all of his cigarettes in half and neatly stuff them back in the box since he couldn't tell mom I broke his smokes, and he would take highliter markers to my rare and valuble comic books (you dirty fucker!)
Eventually, the cops came looking for him after he hadn't been home in three days. They searched the home for him, and informed our mother he was wanted in connection with an armed robbery. A few days later they caught up with him in Pennsylvania and brought him back to Maryland for trial (he told me he was eating cereal in his underwear when the cops busted in). Also funny to me was how the newspaper said "21 year old robs convenience store" when at the time my brother Mike was only 14. He was 6'3" and had a voice like Rusty Nail in Joyride, but he was 14 none the less.
He also knew the woman running the cash register that night too. It was one of our friends' mother. Mike told me he walked in the store, pulled out the gun, and said,"Give me all your money," before realizing he was robbing Eddie Painter's mom. He paused in shock for a moment and then said,"I said gimme the fuckin' money, bitch," to which she finally responded and opened the register. My brother laughs everytime he tells that story. Sorry Mrs. Painter.
While in his holding cell, he still had a big smile on his face while my mother cried at the site of her oldest child in shackles and cuffs. "Don't worry, mom. It's no big deal," he said to her like he was just being called into the Principal's office. It took five months for my brother's trial to come up, and afterward he was sentenced to 90 days for armed robbery. In total, he spent only eight months locked up. Even while serving his time he seemed unbreakable in his happiness. His only complaint in his phone calls was that he had to wear deck shoes as prison issue and that the name of the place was all over his clothes.
He got lucky. He got real lucky, because they changed the law just days after his sentencing so juvenile offenders would be tried as adults in the future. He also managed to graduate early from high school while incarcerated, which was funny because before his criminal career he had managed to fail seventh and eight grade.
Jail time also seemed to soften him a bit. When he got out, he made a point to apologize to me for the way he treated me when we were growing up and the names he used to call me. Since then, he's held a million jobs, jumping from place to place. Nowadays, he lives in Florida about five hours from me, and runs his own water softener business, and making good money. He also has a daughter which is the reason he gets up every day. We've learned to be closer to each other in recent times and care about each other very much.
My sister Ashley had an equally wild ride, but I'll cover that another time.
Ted Baxter reporting...
I wish I could watch the damned news without being bombarded with sensationalized child murders, entire families being slaughtered, church shootings, vegetative people being put on, off, on, and off, feeding tubes, or whatever else the news is trying to shove down my throat!
I just can't watch it right now... or my heads going to explode like that guy in "Scanners" (pictured above).
Am I wrong? Has the news changed or am I just getting too sensitive?
Friday, March 18, 2005
Friday, March 11, 2005
Diagnosis: terminal vehicle cancer
This is my '92 Ford Explorer, and it is not my friend. If it was my friend it wouldn't be trying to eat my bank account. Today's ailment: a leaking and useless master cylinder and booster. Cost to me: $320-$420.
But that's OK because I've decided to take care of Fred (my Explorer's name) once and for all. (Loads shotgun and kneels behind hay bale) Heeeeerrree, Fred! Come here, boy. (Kerplooom)
Take that, Fred... you punk ass bitch!
Now that I'm done with Fred, I think I'll take a look at something in a Yugo.
Tuesday, March 8, 2005
The Adventures of Glen
Glen helped his grandmother into the bathtub with great care. It was something Glen did every Sunday.
"Watch my arm pit hair, boy" she said in a raspy smoker's voice.
"Yes, grandma" he replied in his normal sheepish manner.
Glen took off his thick black framed glasses and placed them on the sink. He began rolling up his sleeves, as he mentally prepared himself for the task at hand. This wasn't Glen's first time, but for some reason it never seemed to get easier.
"Alright grandma, I'm gonna wash you with this rag. OK?"
"I don't give a fuck, boy!" she huffed. "You just make sure you do a good job like you're supposed to... and don't forget to take your time on my kitty!"
Grandma layed back in the tub, closing her eyes. Glen decided to close his eyes as well, as he began to slide his hand down her pale white pudding-like abdomen.
"Whatever you say, grandma"
Grandma's AM radio sat on the window sill playing Paul Harvey's broadcast.
"I said do a good job, boy! My clitoris isn't gonna clean itself, dammit!" she bellowed while taking a drag on her Marlboro. "Now.. counter-clockwise for twenty minutes, like I taught ya" She placed a damp washcloth over her eyes, and began humming to the radio.
"I love you, Grandma,"
"I love you too, Glen. Now keep scrubbing,"
Glen slowly reached out for the radio cord to give it one good jerk towards the soupy broth.
to be continued...
"Watch my arm pit hair, boy" she said in a raspy smoker's voice.
"Yes, grandma" he replied in his normal sheepish manner.
Glen took off his thick black framed glasses and placed them on the sink. He began rolling up his sleeves, as he mentally prepared himself for the task at hand. This wasn't Glen's first time, but for some reason it never seemed to get easier.
"Alright grandma, I'm gonna wash you with this rag. OK?"
"I don't give a fuck, boy!" she huffed. "You just make sure you do a good job like you're supposed to... and don't forget to take your time on my kitty!"
Grandma layed back in the tub, closing her eyes. Glen decided to close his eyes as well, as he began to slide his hand down her pale white pudding-like abdomen.
"Whatever you say, grandma"
Grandma's AM radio sat on the window sill playing Paul Harvey's broadcast.
"I said do a good job, boy! My clitoris isn't gonna clean itself, dammit!" she bellowed while taking a drag on her Marlboro. "Now.. counter-clockwise for twenty minutes, like I taught ya" She placed a damp washcloth over her eyes, and began humming to the radio.
"I love you, Grandma,"
"I love you too, Glen. Now keep scrubbing,"
Glen slowly reached out for the radio cord to give it one good jerk towards the soupy broth.
to be continued...
The Contender
I was reading a book with the TV on in the background, when I noticed that they were airing a repeat of the first episode of The Contender. I missed it when it originally aired earlier this week, and had kind of forgotten about it. So, I kept reading my book while the show began to get more interesting to me. Not much longer, I had put down my book and was watching the show.
Sly Stallone is on the show, but wasn't ovewrwhelmingly on screen. Sugar Ray Leonard was also very in-and-out, but the boxers were interesting enough without any celebrity help. It probably doesn't hurt that Mark Brunette(CBS' Survivor) is the Executive Producer of the show. He knows all the tricks to making reality television worth watching (even if he does stage events on his so-called reality shows).
Plus, the boxing action in this first episode was pretty pimp. It was, however, only about 10 minutes of the total show. Before they ever got to the ring they had the fighters divided into two teams and competing in little Survivor-like challenges. The team challenge thing usually turns me off (mostly because of the retarded Real World/Road Rules Challenge shows), but these ones actually didn't suck.
So, I'll probably keep watching for a while, and see if continues to be as good as this first one.
Also, there are rumblings that since MGM is now owned by Sony, and have new people in charge, they are interested in Rocky VI. The success of the Contender is apparently being watched by the studio to see if this is a bankable investment. So far, the buzz has been good for it.
Also, King Of The Blogs is still going on for American Warmonger, who deserves your vote, and will be getting mine. Help Jeremy retain his crown. Thank you.
Sly Stallone is on the show, but wasn't ovewrwhelmingly on screen. Sugar Ray Leonard was also very in-and-out, but the boxers were interesting enough without any celebrity help. It probably doesn't hurt that Mark Brunette(CBS' Survivor) is the Executive Producer of the show. He knows all the tricks to making reality television worth watching (even if he does stage events on his so-called reality shows).
Plus, the boxing action in this first episode was pretty pimp. It was, however, only about 10 minutes of the total show. Before they ever got to the ring they had the fighters divided into two teams and competing in little Survivor-like challenges. The team challenge thing usually turns me off (mostly because of the retarded Real World/Road Rules Challenge shows), but these ones actually didn't suck.
So, I'll probably keep watching for a while, and see if continues to be as good as this first one.
Also, there are rumblings that since MGM is now owned by Sony, and have new people in charge, they are interested in Rocky VI. The success of the Contender is apparently being watched by the studio to see if this is a bankable investment. So far, the buzz has been good for it.
Also, King Of The Blogs is still going on for American Warmonger, who deserves your vote, and will be getting mine. Help Jeremy retain his crown. Thank you.
Saturday, March 5, 2005
"So, Martha, you back on the block?"
Stewart Reminisces About Prison Stint
Saturday, March 05, 2005
KATONAH, N.Y. — Ambling the grounds of her 153-acre estate after five months in prison, Martha Stewart (search) said it felt good to be home, but she also reminisced somewhat wistfully about her time behind bars.
"I didn't really miss material things at all," she said to reporters gathered at her mansion. "It was kind of nice to have a rest from the material things. And from this," she added, laughing and pointing to the media horde.
On her first day home Friday, a cheerful Stewart walked her dog, Paw Paw (search), into a snowy paddock and handed treats over a fence to her five horses, caressing them. Later, she ducked inside her new greenhouse (search) and emerged with handfuls of lemons.
"People make jokes about making lemons into lemonade," she quipped.
Stewart continued to project the softer, more approachable image that she cultivated in prison, waving and sending cups of hot chocolate to reporters and photographers. She wore an ecru quilted coat and matching knit scarf.
"It feels great," she said, when asked about her first day at home. On the subject of breakfast — she hadn't eaten yet — Stewart said she had missed "the idea of cappuccino (search)" more than the actual beverage.
The display of gracious living began at midmorning, just hours after Stewart made a speedy dash home from a federal women's prison in Alderson, W.Va. She was released at 12:30 a.m. and flew to New York in a private jet, arriving at her Katonah estate 40 miles north of New York City by 3 a.m.
Stewart has 72 hours from the time of her release to set up a meeting with a probation officer. Then, she'll get fitted with an electronic anklet, and her five-month home detention will begin.
It wasn't clear which of several houses on the estate Stewart, 63, would choose for her confinement.
Stewart will get 48 hours a week to work outside the home, and is expected to commute to her Manhattan offices next week. She's working on two TV programs, and she might be allowed to do some taping on her grounds — if she also gets a town permit. But when she's not on the job, Stewart will be confined inside her house, unable to take a stroll like she took on Friday.
She will, however, be free to throw dinner parties.
Back in Alderson, which had been swarmed by fans during the night, a prison guard emerged at midmorning and picked up garbage as news crews rolled up their cables.
All but four die-hard Stewart supporters were gone.
Stewart's neighbors in New York seemed to be taking her return in stride.
"I guess it's good to be home even if it's home confinement," said Clement Darshow of Bedford, a retired financier. "I'm sure she won't be any trouble here."
Wes Smith, who was delivering mail in Katonah, said, "She's served her time. She's probably a changed person. Maybe she learned her lesson."
Martha Stewart seems to be handling her recent jail stint and current house arrest like a real gangsta. She just ain't sweatin' it. Good for her. It still sounds surreal to me... Martha Stewart: Convicted Felon.
I just wonder if she picked up any new tips on making toilet wine, or how to do a grilled cheese with only a bedframe, an empty soup can, and a pack of matches. What am I saying? Of course she did, those are the basics!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
KATONAH, N.Y. — Ambling the grounds of her 153-acre estate after five months in prison, Martha Stewart (search) said it felt good to be home, but she also reminisced somewhat wistfully about her time behind bars.
"I didn't really miss material things at all," she said to reporters gathered at her mansion. "It was kind of nice to have a rest from the material things. And from this," she added, laughing and pointing to the media horde.
On her first day home Friday, a cheerful Stewart walked her dog, Paw Paw (search), into a snowy paddock and handed treats over a fence to her five horses, caressing them. Later, she ducked inside her new greenhouse (search) and emerged with handfuls of lemons.
"People make jokes about making lemons into lemonade," she quipped.
Stewart continued to project the softer, more approachable image that she cultivated in prison, waving and sending cups of hot chocolate to reporters and photographers. She wore an ecru quilted coat and matching knit scarf.
"It feels great," she said, when asked about her first day at home. On the subject of breakfast — she hadn't eaten yet — Stewart said she had missed "the idea of cappuccino (search)" more than the actual beverage.
The display of gracious living began at midmorning, just hours after Stewart made a speedy dash home from a federal women's prison in Alderson, W.Va. She was released at 12:30 a.m. and flew to New York in a private jet, arriving at her Katonah estate 40 miles north of New York City by 3 a.m.
Stewart has 72 hours from the time of her release to set up a meeting with a probation officer. Then, she'll get fitted with an electronic anklet, and her five-month home detention will begin.
It wasn't clear which of several houses on the estate Stewart, 63, would choose for her confinement.
Stewart will get 48 hours a week to work outside the home, and is expected to commute to her Manhattan offices next week. She's working on two TV programs, and she might be allowed to do some taping on her grounds — if she also gets a town permit. But when she's not on the job, Stewart will be confined inside her house, unable to take a stroll like she took on Friday.
She will, however, be free to throw dinner parties.
Back in Alderson, which had been swarmed by fans during the night, a prison guard emerged at midmorning and picked up garbage as news crews rolled up their cables.
All but four die-hard Stewart supporters were gone.
Stewart's neighbors in New York seemed to be taking her return in stride.
"I guess it's good to be home even if it's home confinement," said Clement Darshow of Bedford, a retired financier. "I'm sure she won't be any trouble here."
Wes Smith, who was delivering mail in Katonah, said, "She's served her time. She's probably a changed person. Maybe she learned her lesson."
Martha Stewart seems to be handling her recent jail stint and current house arrest like a real gangsta. She just ain't sweatin' it. Good for her. It still sounds surreal to me... Martha Stewart: Convicted Felon.
I just wonder if she picked up any new tips on making toilet wine, or how to do a grilled cheese with only a bedframe, an empty soup can, and a pack of matches. What am I saying? Of course she did, those are the basics!
Wednesday, March 2, 2005
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