Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Wild Boyz!

I was sitting around trying to think of some kind of ridiculous argument to support, when it hit me. Straight guys like gay stuff! Let me explain.

I've noticed during my life as an american male, that most heterosexual men don't like to do anything or participate in any activity that might call their manhood into question. Now, after stating this observation, I've also noticed that these same men choose to entertain themselves with highly homo-erotic programming.



Example no. 1: Pro Football

Now, football itself, is not gay. But, patting another guy on the ass for making a good play is just not necessary. Neither is all the towel snapping in the locker room. Why this isn't gay, I don't know. It sure don't seem straight to me!



Example no 2: Pro Wrestling

I enjoy nothing more than watching a good fake fight, but sometimes it can get a little... gay. Two oiled men pressed together, fighting for dominance over the other. Pin him to the floor, and make him squeeeaaalll like a pig!




Example no 3: The guys on Jackass and Wild Boyz!

I'm sorry, but those guys are all a little gay. I don't get together with my pals, and attach electrodes to their gooches! Or sit around in jock straps trying to lightly tag each other in the dick with golf balls. If that isn't gay... well, that isn't gay. It's just WRONG!



I don't understand it exactly. I think there's some kind of invisible line between gay, and straight-guy public displays of affection. I don't really care, I just thought it might be funny to point out macho men getting all up on each other.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Julia Roberts Gives Birth To Twins

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Actress Julia Roberts gave birth to twins Sunday morning, her publicist told CNN.

Roberts, who is married to cinematographer Daniel Moder, delivered Hazel Patricia Moder and Phinnaeus Walter Moder at a hospital in Southern California, said Marcy Engleman.

"Mother and babies are doing great," she said.

Roberts, 37, married Moder two years ago.

Roberts was born in Smyrna, Georgia, and attained fame in 1990 for her portrayal of a prostitute in the sentimental romantic comedy "Pretty Woman."

Ten years later, she won the Academy Award for best actress and a Golden Globe for best actress in a drama for her work in "Erin Brockovich." (I love the way this story is written. If you read it out loud to yourself, it sounds like someone at CNN has a sense of humor.)




SS9090 has obtained this exclusive photograph of Julia's son, Phinnaeus



Hazel and Phinnaeus Moder- two more celebrity children scarred for life... at the beginning of their lives! Nice names, Mom (you simple, bitch)!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

My Profile Picture




It's funny how "christ-like" you can look by tracing over a picture in Paint! Although, I've never looked more Mexican than this (which, I am not). It's also amazing what can be accomplished by a person during a period of sheer boredom!

Saturday, November 27, 2004

VH1's Most Cheesetastic Video Tricks Revealed

VH1 goes to the film library to make yet another List Show. Just when I think they've done it all, they pull out a Heavy Metal List Show (Metal on VH1? Why?), or their 80s Retrosexual List Show. If your too young to reminise about Tom Selleck, then you've always got Best Week Ever (Hey remember how popular that movie was... last weekend?!).

Here is a breakdown of the first three hours of Cheesetastic programming, which starts tonight, Saturday 10/9c.



Hip Hop Rules (Hour 1)



52 Hundred Pick Up

Artists throw their money in the air like they just don't care.

LL Cool J "Head Sprung"

Lloyd Banks "I'm So Fly"

Missy Elliot "Work It"

Mase "Feels So Good"

Jermaine Dupri "Money Ain't A Thing"




Angry Face

Rappers put on an "angry face" ... to show how tough they are!

Ice Cube "Natural Born Killers"

Snoop Dog "Lay Low"

Xzibit "X"

DMX "What's My Name"




Scarface

Artists pay homage to their favorite Al Pacino flick.

Big Pun "I'm Not A Player"

Fat Joe "Don Cartegena"

Nas "The World Is Yours"

Mobb Deep "It's Mine"




Video Vixen Rules (Hour 2)



Slo-Mo Hair

Girls flip their locks in that oh-so-sexy manner.

White Stripes "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself"

No Doubt "Underneath It All"

Jermain Dupri "Money Ain't A Thing"




Hot Girls On Cars

What's hotter than a video vixen? A video vixen writhing on top of an expensive car!

Warrant "Cherry Pie"

White Snake "Here I Go Again"

Bowling Soup "1985"




The Pole Dance

The classic stripper dance always adds a dash of sexiness.

Dr. Dre "The Next Episode"

Fountains of Wayne "Stacy's Mom"

White Stripes "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself"

Mötley Crüe "Girls, Girls, Girls"




Drummer Rules (Hour 3)



The Mug

Drummers make their funniest faces once they get their close up.

Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar On Me"

Aerosmith "Dude Looks Like A Lady"




Stick Twirl

Take advantage of your camera time and twirl those sticks!

Mötley Crüe "Home Sweet Home"

Tom Petty "Into the Great Wide Open"

Bon Jovi "Livin' on A Prayer"




Drum Fillings

Drums look so boring on TV, so fill 'em with liquid, powder, or whatever you got!

J. Geils Band "Angel In A Centerfold"

Poison "I Want Action"

Samantha Fox "Touch Me"

Warrant "Cherry Pie




Personally, I think VH1 is really reaching here to fill airtime. I mean, come on, drum filling?! Who the hell has done that since the death of Hair Metal?! Actually, they always exaggerate on their List Shows, like calling hugely popular songs "awesomely bad" simply because it's become dated ( FYI: that's gonna happen when a pop song hits a decade). How sad and snobbish, in my opinion... of course, I'll watch this list anyway (I'm a sellout).

California Neighbors Feud Over Christmas Display

'Tis the season...



Some folks love the Holidays way too much, and others despise them too much, also. I saw this story while chillin' on the web, and thought it was kind of cute, in a "bad made-for-television Disney channel-style family comedy" kind of way.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Black Friday

The day after Thanksgiving is the day that I sleep off my turkey and stuffing dinner, then watch some terrible basic cable television. (I enjoyed the American Chopper marathon yesterday. Paul Sr. is such a hard-ass, and don't get me started about the hilarious hijinx of his son, Mikey!) For others, however, it's the day that "Consumer Retardation" sets in. Below is a tale of horror for most men who are as self-absorbed as me. Read at your own caution.



Americans storm the nation's shops on Friday after Thanksgiving Day marking the traditional start of the holiday shopping season, lured by cut-price toys and discounted consumer electronics.



FACT: Thanksgiving-to-Christmas holiday shopping season accounts for 23 percent of annual retail sales.



By the time a Wal-Mart store in the Buffalo, N.Y. suburb of Hamburg opened its doors at 6 a.m., 1,000 people had formed a lined that spanned the entire store front, despite temperatures of 31 degrees.

"It's our tradition," said Ruth Pompeo, of Lackawanna, N.Y, who was up at 3 a.m. and in line by 4:30 a.m. with her 11-year-old niece Shelby Strack. "I don't know what I'm here to grab, actually, " she said. "Whatever I can."

Many of the early bird specials on hot items were in short supply, however. At another Wal-Mart store in Alpharetta, Ga., just north of Atlanta, a supply of discounted Video Now personal video players sold out in just 12 minutes.

That's why many shoppers mapped out a strategy to get the most coveted bargains.

"The deals are better this early in the morning," said Karen Dawkins, from Cayce, S.C., who was at a Toys R Us store in Columbia, S.C. and was almost done with her buying shortly after 6 a.m. "I have my mother at Circuit City and my sister at Target ...so we have people stationed at other stores."

She added, "We all got together after Thanksgiving dinner and got the ads and made a list."

Debbie Redmon of Thayer, Mo., set her alarm for 3:20 a.m. but woke up at 3 a.m., ready to take advantage of bargain shopping in Little Rock, Ark.

"I guess the adrenaline was flowing," she said.

She and daughter-in-law Kerri Littleton of Benton, Ark., hit the same places in Little Rock every year: BestBuy, then Kohl's, Staples, then Sports Authority.

Things weren't going as well in the cold and rainy Midwest. In Bismarck, N.D., only about 100 people were in line at Wal-Mart by 4:30 a.m., a half hour before opening, compared with several hundred last year.

Many of the Wal-Mart shoppers said they wanted to by a 24-inch flat-screen Symphonic television, on sale for $139.92.






"Video games and movies are the No. 1 seller with a lots of new games out this year," said Patrick Gates, senior vice president of e-commerce at America Online, a unit of Time Warner Inc.

Yahoo! Shopping said the top items sought on its site were digital cameras, running shoes and IPods, but home furnishings and apparel were in more demand than a year ago.

Retailers' efforts last year to get shoppers to buy early worked.

During the 2003 holiday shopping season, the busiest day was the Friday after Thanksgiving, instead of the last Saturday before Christmas, which was the second busiest day, according to the International Council of Shopping Centers. That reversed a trend seen over the last ten years, when the busiest day was the Saturday before Christmas, according to Mike Niemira, chief economist at the industry group.

WWE 24/7

I've been saying they should create an all-pro-wrestling channel for years! I guess somebody else felt the same way because now there's WWE 24/7.


Some of the current guys on WWE's Monday Night Raw on Spike TV



World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) has recently launched the first Professional Wrestling cable channel. It's only available on digital cable, and runs programming from WWE, WWF, WCW, NWA, and ECW film libraries. There's also supposed to be original programming like Hall Of Fame shows, etc.

Maybe, I'll quit being so cheap and get digital cable now? Of course, that would mean my local cable company actually picks it up, which would surprise me entirely.I am a very avid Pro Wrestling fan myself. (Yes, I know it's fake. I watch it for the athletic exhibition, and crazy late night soap opera storylines. If you don't get it, you just don't get it.) If I could, I would be very content to watch grown men in their underwear beat each other senseless 24 hours a day! (That last sentence sounded kind of weird. I meant that in the most masculine way possible... like a viking!)



note: Vikings were actually so vain they preferred to have sex with each other, instead of with the women. Hmm, interesting. Let me call my Therapist, I'm getting confused.